CHAPTER PREVIEW1. 1 Why Social Relationships Matter2. 2 Forming and Maintaining Social Bonds3. 3 Characteristics of Friendships4. 4 Social Relationships in the WorkplaceFRIENDSHIPS FORGEDCenturies ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle observed that when people “share salt”—which means enduring a difficult experience together—they forge bonds of friendship that are not easily broken. Such was the case for 33 men who were trapped together for 69 days in the fall of 2010 after a cave-in at the San José mine near Copiapó, Chile. The miners, who ranged in age from 19 to 63, survived their ordeal by staying busy, holding one another accountable for assigned tasks, and maintaining support and optimism throughout the group. According to experts who have studied the effects of shared trauma—such as being lost at sea or fighting in battle together—the experience of enduring and surviving such a horrific event together will join these men to one another emotionally for the rest of their lives.Page 278Imagine what life would be like without friends. Families and romantic relationships are important to us,but friends and acquaintances contribute significantly to our well-being, too. Sometimes we look to friendsfor social and emotional support. At other times, we seek out our friends when we just want to hang out and relax or when we need help making a decision or dealing with a problem. Friends lift our spirits and remind us we're not alone in the world. And, occasionally, they help us through traumatic experiences, as the Chilean miners did for one another.This chapter illustrates the importance of social relationships—such as those between friends, close acquaintances, and co-workers—and focuses on how we use interpersonal communication to manage those relationships. All relationships are social to some extent. Because romantic and familial relationships often meet different social needs than do friendships, acquaintanceships, and workplace relationships, we will reserve those relationships for the next chapter.1 Why Social Relationships MatterAnn Atwater and C. P. Ellis were never destined to become friends. In the 1970s, Atwater—a poor African American welfare mother—was a civil rights activist in Durham, North Carolina, where Ellis was a leader in the Ku Klux Klan, a violent white supremacist organization. During 10 days of community talks about school desegregation, Ellis came to believe that both whites and minorities would benefit from desegregation, and he and Atwater became partners in the civil rights movement. They also became close personal friends. Together, they struggled against oppression and social stereotypes, and they leaned on each other heavily for support. When Ellis died of Alzheimer's disease in 2005, Atwater, having lost a dear—and most unlikely—friend, gave the eulogy at his funeral.Having strong social ties with friends, neighbors, co-workers, and others improves the quality of our life in multiple ways. In this section, we'll see that we form social relationships because we have a strong need to belong. We'll also examine some benefits of our social relationships, as well as certain costs we incur by maintaining them.Page 279We Form Relationships Because We Need to BelongIn his book Personal Relationships and Personal Networks (2007), communication scholar Mac Parks wrote: “We humans are social animals down to our very cells. Nature did not make us noble loners.”1He's right. One reason social relationships matter is that it's in our nature to form them. In fact, evolutionary psychologists argue that our motivation toward social relationships is innate rather than learned.2 That fundamental human inclination to bond with others is the idea behind psychologist Roy Baumeister's theory called the need to belong.3Need-to-belong theory posits that each of us is born with a drive to seek, form, maintain, and protect strong social relationships. To fulfill that drive, we use interpersonal communication to form social bonds with others at work, at school, in our neighborhoods, in community and religious organizations, on sports teams, in online communities, and in other social contexts. According to Baumeister's theory, each of those relationships helps us feel as though we aren't alone because we belong to a social community.It is in our nature to develop social relationships.The need-to-belong theory also suggests that for us to satisfy our drive for relationships, we need social bonds that are both interactive and emotionally close. For example, most of us wouldn't be satisfied if we had emotionally close relationships with people with whom we never got to communicate. Being cut off from social interaction can be physically and psychologically devastating. That's one of the reasons why solitary confinement is considered such a harsh punishment.4 Women and men who are deployed for military service,5 and many elderly individuals who live alone,6 also experience loneliness when they don't see their families or friends for extended periods.By the same token, interacting only with people who have no real feelings for us would be largely unrewarding as well. Imagine that you moved to a large city where you didn't know anyone. Even though you'd have plenty of interactions with people—taxi drivers, grocery store clerks, an eye doctor—you wouldn't encounter anyone you felt close to. Those task-oriented relationships would help you to fulfill various needs, such as getting from one place to another and having your vision checked, but they wouldn't fulfill your need to belong because they usually aren't emotionally close.Deployed military personnel and elderly individuals who live alone often experience intense loneliness when they don't see their relatives or friends for extended periods of time.Page 280Many social relationships do, however, fulfill our needs for both interaction and emotional closeness. You probably have long-time friends to whom you feel very close and with whom you interact regularly. Perhaps you formed some of those friendships during your childhood or adolescence. Others you may have formed through school or work. Still others may be friendships you formed online. Significantly, research indicates that online relationships can be just as emotionally close and involve just as much interaction as face-to-face friendships.7 Each of those social relationships can help us feel connected to others in a way that we don't