HD 204 2nd Edition Exam 3 Study Guide Lectures 12 16 Lecture 12 October 22 I Conflict and Family Communication Patterns a Conformity OrientationAvoid Conflict No outside Support Regular emotional outbursts b Conversation Orientation Address conflict Seek outside support Frequently express negative feelings II Gottman s Conflict Types a Stable couples Validating Violate Conflict Avoiding b Unstable Couples III Hostile engaged Hostile disengaged Gottman s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse a Criticism You always ignore me attacking the flaws directly Delivering a message by being superior direct insult name calling I am a better parent than you insulting label b Contempt c Defensiveness it s not my problem it s your problem counter attack d Stonewalling IV Withdrawal attempt to calm Warning Signs a Things become more negative than positive 20x more positive than negative things V Unsolvable Conflict Solvable vs Unsolvable a Unresolved conflict can lead to Psychological physical separation b Hopelessness c Violence d Tension throughout family system VI Destructive Conflict a Covert conflict Not really visible hidden b Overt conflict Visible yelling fighting c Relies on one of the following communication strategies Denial Disqualification Displacement Disengagement Pseudomutuality d Overt Destructive Conflict Use of verbal and physical aggression Goal is compliance Linked to issues of power Becomes a pattern Children e Partner Destructive Conflict f Women make up vast majority of reported cases Men experience barriers to reporting Common Couple Violence Abusive Violent Aggressive Combative g Couple violence Negative Strategies Verbal aggression Threats hate terms gunny sacking non verbal messages Physical Violence 1 and 6 marriages h Mothers are more likely to abuse children than fathers Abuse parents tend to value punishment more rate their children as more difficult use inconsistent discipline Effects psychological physical and relational Lecture 13 October 29 I Domestic Violence a One of the most common crimes b 75 of adult victims are women c Approximately 1 in 4 women will be victimized by domestic violence d 1 in 3 female murder victims is killed by her husband or significant other II The Role of power and control a Perpetrators assert power over victims by using emotional psychological physical economic and sexual abuse III Barriers to Leaving a Lack of resources May not be working in the paid labor force May have no property that is solely theirs May lack access to cash or bank accounts Fear of losing children and joint assets May face a steep decline in living standards Geographic and or emotional isolation b Institutional Responses Shelter s may be full There are 13 times more animal shelters than shelters for people Clergy and counselors may be trained to see the ultimate goal as saving a marriage not ending the violence Attitude that domestic violence is a family matter Reluctance to prosecute and light sentences Protection orders are only paper c Cultural Mythologies Belief that divorce is not an alternative Belief that a single parent family is unhealthy Shame bad choices The attitude that it only takes strength to leave an abusive situation Rationalizing abuser s behavior by blaming stress alcohol problems at work or school unemployment May fulfill the victim s dreams of romantic love May believe the abuser is basically a good person Belief that one can cause abusive behavior 75 of male abusee s don t become abusers themselves Lecture 14 November 5 I Family Stress a Universal experience found in families b Stress can emerge As a result of common life and family life events As a result of unexpected events Example Death of a child When common life events happen at unexpected time II Example Having a child Example Teenage daughter having a child Developmental Perspective a Communication behaviors adapt over time Individual changes Relational changes b Marker events Examples Driver s license moving out marriage divorce first grandchild c Response to change depends on pre existing III Organizational structure Life Course Perspective a Time Individual Generational Historical b Diversity IV On time vs off time Less emphasis on linear sequence of life transitions Stressors a Vertical Stressors Hand we re dealt when we re born Society Community Extended Family Immediate Family Individual b Horizontal Stressors move with time V Developmental Unpredictable Historical Stages of Life Cycle and Stress Starts years 1 Single Adulthood Tasks o Establishing yourself in the work world and creating financial independence o Developing intimate relationships Success requires o Tolerance of separateness and independence o Tolerance of differentness and ambiguity in young adult s career path o Tolerance of emotional attachments outside immediate family Variations o Boomerang generations o SES o Ethnicity 2 Coupling marriage Tasks o Separating further from the families of origin o Negotiating roles rules and relationships o Creating shared meanings o Investing in a new relationship Couples must resolve 3 challenges for later satisfaction o Commitment o Power o Closeness Variation o Culture parent child bond intercultural couples o Timing of childbearing o Some never marry 3 Child bearing years Three stages 1 Transition to parenthood o Tasks Reorganizing marital relationship Relationship satisfaction decrease Conflict opportunities increase Renegotiate roles Often become more traditional Coordinate transmission of culture Manage Intergenerational connections o Factors Related to success Desire o be a parent How prepared they are for the role Realistic Expectations Social Support o Variations Unmarried mothers Adoption Same sex parents No kids 2 Families with small children preschoolers o Defining a parental role identity o The child s evolving identity Parents may expect different things of their children Child may not be who the parent wants them to be o o Siblings Extended Family 3 Families with school age children o Common issues Child has new influences from outside world Managing school and community activities Ability to persuade parents Media 4 School age years 5 Adolescence 6 Launching 7 Empty Nest 8 Retirement Not everyone goes through these in a linear fashion Lecture 15 November 7 I Families with Adolescents a Adolescents struggling with changes related to sexuality identity autonomy friendships b Parent child relationship changes Privacy and separation More frequent conflict Greater