Relational Dialectics Theory Rules Theory According to the Humanist About the tension we have in relationships regarding conflicting desires Dialectical Tension Relational tension that arises when two opposing forces exist simultaneously 1 History a Leslie Baxter Barbara Montgomery 1996 i Relating Dialogues Dialectics b Influenced by work of Mikhail Bakhtin i Interaction as basis of meaning making 1 Social Theory communications c Baxter Braithwaite 2008 Current theory i Chapter Relational Dialectics Theory in book 2 Goal ii Humans experience collision between opposing desires and needs within relational a To understand dialectical tensions within relationships i Relationships are always in process and relational life is characterized by ongoing tensions between contradictory impulses other 1 Dialectical Relationships The contradictory impulses that are pulling us one way or the ii What happens in relationships in terms of these tensions How do they manage tensions 3 Approaches to Contradictions a Monologic Tensions are opposites contradictions are either A or B i Relationship is either close or independent b Dualistic Tensions contradictions are somewhat separate and unrelated i Both people in relationship have their own perceptions c Dialectic Multiple Points of View i We can have both in a relationship relationships are constantly changing therefore we can have the desire to be close and independent in our relationship 1 Desires can change from minute to minute year to year decade to decade depending on how long you are in the relationship for 2 We are being pushed pulled with these tensions on a daily basis 4 Assumptions a Relationships are NOT linear contradicting social penetration theory b Relational life is characterized by change i Tensions can go back and forth between relationships c Contradictions are fundamental to relational life d Communication is central to negotiating relational contradictions 5 Concepts i Social and cultural contexts affect the process 1 How does your social circle value your relationship 2 How does culture in general value your relationship b Contradiction Dialectics are the result of oppositions c Motion Relationships are processes and change over time d Praxis People are choice makers but choice limits choices a Totality People in relationships are interdependent a move by one person affects a move by the other i We can make choices within relationships regarding tensions but the choices we make will affect the other person in relationship and relationship as a whole 6 Basic Interactional Dialectics a Autonomy and Connection Independence vs Intimacy i You want to feel connected but you also want to be independent at the same time b Openness and Protection Vulnerable vs Guarded i I want to open up but I do not want to get hurt in the process c Novelty and Predictability Excitement vs Stability i Want relationships to be fun not stagnate but at the same time we want predictability and to know that our relationship is going somewhere 7 Contextual Dialectics a Public vs Private Public may view our relationship differently than we privately do i We think its okay to live together after three months but society frowns upon this b Real vs Ideal We have idealized notions about what a relationship should be like but we also have the actual relationship that we are part of every day i Can get these idealizations from media family members etc 8 Methods to Manage Tensions that pole at another time a Cyclic Alternation You choose one pole over the other pole at a given time and you may revert back to i In the beginning you like novelty Then you have kids so you enjoy stability When the kids grow up you like when the relationship is novel again b Segmentation Different contexts can yield different poles and we choose one over the other c Selection Choosing one pole over the other at all times i Some people have no desire for autonomy or they ignore the desire for autonomy and spend all d Integration Synthesize Integrate poles in a way with your partner friend that they do not seem like their time together opposites any more i Neutralizing Come to a compromise with partner 1 Moderately novel in the relationship you will put fun in everything you do but you will not participate in spontaneity ii Reframing Take dialectics and rationalize them so that they are no longer opposites iii Disqualifying Disqualify certain topics areas and behaviors so that the tension does not exist any more 1 Openness You share with partners why relationship failed previously 2 Protection This relationship stays in this relationship and will not linger into what happened in respective pasts 9 Evaluation a Heuristic i Romantic Relationships 1 Marriages Erbert 2000 2 Long Distance Relationships Sahlstein 2006 ii Friendships iii Workplace Relationships b Too Parsimonious i Scholars disagree over number of dialectics 1 Friendships 2 Workplace 3 Community Theatre 4 Television Show Dawsons Creek c Doesn t Predict well i Cannot predict if tension is going to arise ii Cannot predict what type of method for dealing with these tensions people are going to use if the tension does arise iii Without ability to predict theory may not be useful to people cannot help them solve their problems 1 Yes 1 Social 10 Assumptions More of a humanistic theory but has some scientific elements to it a Ontological i Do humans make real choices ii Is human experience basically individual or social iii Is human experience contextualized 1 Yes public vs private b Epistemological c Axiological i Watching interactions asking people what they re doing
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