Demand—Withdraw Interaction in Couples With a Violent Husband Sara B. Berns Department of Psychology University of Washington Neil S. Jacobson Department of Psychology University of Washington John M. Gottman Department of Psychology University of Washington ABSTRACT This study examined the relationship between demand—withdraw interaction and battering in couples with a violent husband. The authors compared the interaction patterns of 47 couples with a violent husband with the interaction patterns of 28 distressed but nonviolent couples and 16 happily married nonviolent couples. All couples engaged in videotaped discussions of problem areas in their marriage. Both batterers and battered women showed less positive communication and more negative communication than did their nonviolent counterparts. Additionally, batterers showed significantly higher levels of both demanding and withdrawing than did other men. Battered women demanded more change than did women in nonviolent marriages but were significantly less inclined to withdraw than were their husbands. The discussion of these findings focuses on the interactional dynamics between batterers and battered women and how these interactions might be understood. Neil S. Jacobson died on June 2, 1999. He was a magnificent advisor and mentor and a dear friend. He will be missed. Portions of this article were presented at the annual meeting of the Association for the Advancement of Behavior Therapy, Miami, Florida, November 1997. This study helped fulfill the requirements for the Master of Science degree for Sara B. Berns, under the supervision of Neil S. Jacobson. The research was supported by Grant 5R01-MH43101-06 from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Preparation of the article was supported in part by NIMH Research Scientist Award K02-MH00868-08. We thank Deborah Bender, Melissa Bunker, Christine Davis, Eric Hawkins, May O'Connell, and Scott Witsoe for their important contributions in coding tapes; Eric Gortner for his statistical consultation; and Judith Kelson for her help in preparation of the article. Correspondence may be addressed to Neil S. Jacobson, Department of Psychology, University of Washington, 1107 Northeast 45th Street, Suite 310, Seattle, Washington, 98105-4631. Received: March 23, 1998 Revised: March 1, 1999 Accepted: March 3, 1999 Although victim advocates have been actively helping battered women since early in the century ( Jacobson & Gottman, 1998 ), domestic violence has received widespread attention from scientists only in the past 20 years. And only in the past decade have investigators begun to conduct well-controlled, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology © 1999 by the American Psychological Association October 1999 Vol. 67, No. 5, 666-674 For personal use only--not for distribution. Page 1 of 1511/27/2000http://spider.apa.org/ftdocs/ccp/1999/october/ccp675666.htmlobservational research to look objectively at the arguments that male batterers have with battered women ( Burman, John, & Margolin, 1992 ; Margolin, John, & Gleberman, 1988 ). One interaction style that may be of particular use in understanding the dynamics of male battering is the demand—withdraw pattern ( Christensen & Heavey, 1990 ). In this pattern, the demanding partner tries to get the withdrawing partner to change, whereas the withdrawing partner retreats from these pressures through avoidance, passive inaction, or stonewalling ( Christensen & Heavey, 1990 ). The demand—withdraw interaction may be one of the rare observable processes that provide insight into structural characteristics of relationships ( Jacobson & Gottman, 1998 ). By understanding the extent and nature of demand—withdraw interaction in a marriage, it is possible to derive inferences about important general characteristics of the couple. For example, there is considerable evidence that demand—withdraw interaction reflects the amount and intensity of intimacy that each person wants in the relationship ( Christensen, 1987 , 1988 ; Jacobson, 1989 ). People in the demanding role generally want more closeness, whereas those who withdraw express a desire for greater separateness or autonomy. Jacobson and colleagues have suggested that intimacy is a commodity in relationships that often represents power: Those wanting more intimacy are often "one down," and those trying to reduce the level of intimacy are often the dominant partner in their relationships ( Jacobson, 1989 ; Jacobson & Gottman, 1998 ). Moreover, Christensen and Shenk (1991) found that both the degree of disparity and the likelihood of demand—withdraw interaction are greater for distressed couples than for happily married couples. Along the same lines, we know that the existence of demand—withdraw interaction predicts reduced marital satisfaction years later ( Levenson & Gottman, 1985 ). Because the pattern becomes more pronounced over time, with both demanders and withdrawers escalating their efforts, demand—withdraw interaction may help explain not only marital deterioration but also divorce ( Gray-Little & Burks, 1983 ; Levenson & Gottman, 1985 ). Finally, in distressed couples, men and women tend to play different roles in the demand—withdraw interaction pattern, with the wife typically seeking change and the husband more often avoiding change by withdrawing ( Christensen, 1987 , 1988 ; Christensen & Shenk, 1991 ). Thus, beyond telling us what couples say to one another, this interaction pattern may tell us what couples want from one another, what happens to the relationship when each partner acts on these needs, and how gender roles typically differ in marital conflict. Because batterers use violence as a method of power and control, and because battered women are the victims of these power and control tactics, we might expect an accentuation of the previously described gender differences in couples with a violent husband. We would be inclined to predict from the demand—withdraw literature that battering husbands would be particularly likely to withdraw and that battered women would be particularly likely to demand. After all, batterers dominate their marriages, couples with a violent husband tend to be more dissatisfied with their marriages than maritally distressed but nonviolent couples, and battering relationships are quite unstable compared with other marriages ( Jacobson & Gottman, 1998 ; Jacobson, Gottman, Gortner, Berns, & Shortt, 1996
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