CMN 230 Lecture 3 Outline of Current Lecture I Stages of Coming Together II Stages of Coming Apart III Principles of relationship development Outline of Current Lecture I 3 Types of Interpersonal Goals II 5 Principles of Interpersonal Goals Current Lecture Interpersonal Goal state an individual wants to ach ieve that is linked to another persons behavior 1 Defend your image 2 give advice 3 obtain support 4 persuade 5 resolve conflict 6 Maintain a relationship Three Types of Interpersonal Goals 1 Instrumental Goals tangible favors or resources we try to get from other people what we spend most of our day doing Risk associated with this goal they can create confclit b c of dependency putting your needs in front of others people might think you re taking advantage of them or you can sound needy naggy 2 Relational Goals preserving or changing the status of your relationship with someone ex make a friend ask for a date share an activity escalating or terminating a relationship centered around stages of relational growth risk rejection misinterpretation escalating or de escalating too quickly 3 Self Presentational Goals Identity Management Goals involved in an act of managing identity to other people known as face work presenting a desirable image portraying different images to different people sometimes these goals are so important to us that we stop pursuing instrumental goals b c they want to preserve face of other person or don t want to embarrass yourself ex appear intelligent to class impress boss we really want other people to like us hardwired into us for wanting people to like us even when we say we don t care what people think about us that is still face work risk portraying arrogance seem like someone you re not violate ethical codes in some situations can come across as show off FIVE PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL GOALS 1 Interpersonal Goals Differ In Clarity ex I want to spend more time with my family vs I want to plan a family dinner when I m home in 3 weeks The more clear a goal is the more motivated you or another person are to achieve it the more specific the better 2 Interpersonal Goals Vary in Difficulty some goals are easier to achieve than others ex Easier to get a roommate to take out the trash on mondays than getting roommate to be more clean in general 3 People Pursue Multiple Goals at the Same Time ex In the situation where Leonard and Penny have a disagreement Penny wants to move more slow and Leonard wants to propose the main goal is relational but the secondary goal self presentational difficult to identify because there are often many goals at once 4 Interpersonal Goals Differ in Urgency ex immedate goal hungry ex less immediate goal getting in shape in this situation hunger desire to get in shape 5 Interpersonal Goals Prompt Plans for Action once you set a goal you start thinking about ways you can accomplish that goal ex get a friend to stop smoking steps I newspaper articles II Talk about family members affected by smoking III Tell your friend you care about them IV Throw away cigs V Go to a stop smoking class with them