333 Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World BRON B INGOLDSBY FAMILY CLASSIC CONTEMPORARY CROSS CULTURAL READINGS The institution of marriage is very popular throughout the world Yet how mates are chosen varies considerably from one culture to another As Bron B Ingoldsby shows free choice mate selection which is common in Western countries is not how couples have been paired with their prospective spouses in most other societies Source Mate Selection and Marriage by Bron B Ingoldsby in Families in Multicultural Perspective eds by Bron B Ingoldsby and Suzanna Smith pp 143 5 Copyright 1995 Guilford Press NY Reprinted by permission of Guilford Press MATE SELECTION PROCEDURES Historically there have been three general approaches to choosing one s mate marriage by capture marriage by arrangement and free choice mate selection I examine each of them in turn Marriage by Capture Although it has probably never been the usual method of obtaining a wife men have taken women by force in many times and places This typically occurred in patriarchal societies in which women were often considered property Often women were seized as part of the spoils of war and other times a specific woman was forced into marriage because the man wanted her and could not afford the bride price or obtain the permission of her parents The capture and marriage of a woman was legal in England until the reign of Henry VII who made it a crime to abduct an heiress Fielding 1942 The ancient Hebrews would seize wives under certain circumstances A dramatic example is recounted in the Old Testament Judges chapter 21 where it was arranged for young women to be kidnapped from two different areas to serve as wives so that the tribe of Benjamin would not die out after a war that they had lost There was also a formal procedure for dealing with wives captured in warfare Deuteronomy 21 10 14 When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands and thou has taken them captive And seest among the captives a beautiful woman and hast a desire unto her that thou wouldest have her to thy wife Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house and she shall shave her head and pare her nails And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her and shall remain in thine house and bewail her father and her mother a full month and after that thou shalt go in unto her and be her husband and she shall be thy wife And it shall be if thou have no delight in her then thou shalt let her go whither she will but thou shalt not sell her at all for money thou shalt not make merchandise of her because thou has humbled her At least she was given time to get used to the idea and never sold into slavery Fielding 1942 cites a number of different cultures including the Australian aborigines who frequently resorted to marriage by capture in the recent past The Yanomam of Venezuela an Amazonian tribe are reported Peters 1987 to use capture as one of their mate selection options One village is often raided by another for the specific purpose of finding wives If a man captures a young attractive female he must be careful as other men from his own village will try to steal her from him 334 In the popular musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers the concept of marriage by capture is acted out and one of the songs is based on the historical incident of the rape of the Sabine women There are many cultures that still have remnants of the old practice of marriage by capture in their wedding ceremonies In each of them the match is prearranged but the husband pretends to take his bride by force and she feigns resistance One example is the Roro of New Guinea On the wedding day the groom s party surrounds the bride s home and acts out an assault on it The bride attempts to run away but is caught Then a sham battle ensues with the bride s mother leading the way and crying at the loss of her daughter when she is taken off to the groom Fielding 1942 Marriage by Arrangement It appears that the most common method of mate selection has been by arrangement Typically the parents often with the aid of certain relatives or professional matchmakers have chosen the spouse for their child This form of mate choice is more common when extended kin groups are strong and important Essentially marriage is seen as of group rather than individual importance and economics is often the driving force rather than love between the principals Arranged marriages have been considered especially important for the rulers of kingdoms and other nobility Care had to be taken to preserve bloodlines enhance wealth and resolve political issues It is believed for instance that the majority of King Solomon s 700 wives and 300 concubines were acquired for the purpose of political alliances Stephens 1963 identifies four major reasons that determine mate choice in societies in which marriages are arranged The first is price The groom s family may need to pay for the bride with either money or labor In some cultures the situation is reversed with the bride s family paying a dowry to the husband In other cases there is a direct exchange where both families make payments to each other or simply trade women for each other s sons The second consideration is social status That is the reputation of the family from which the spouse for one s child will come is very important A third determinant is any continuous marriage arrangement This refers to a set pattern for mate selection which is carried on from generation to generation For instance cousin marriages are preferred in many societies The final criteria for mate choice are sororate and levirate arrangements which refer to second marriages and tend to be based on bride price obligations These terms are more fully explained later in the reading Stephens also notes nineteen societies including for example some large ones such as China and Renaissance Europe that have practiced child betrothals or child marriages This means that the marriage is arranged before puberty and can even be worked out before the child is born In addition to marriage by capture the Yanomam also practice variety within arranged marriages The ideal match is between cross cousins and the majority of unions fall into this category Most betrothals are made before the girl is three years of age Men initiate these arrangements at about the time they become hunters which is shortly after they tum fifteen Another acceptable form of mate