Chapter 7 Interpersonal Skills and Conflict Management Basic principle of good conversation is to find a common interest between yourself and the other person Conversation interaction with an interaction with at least one other person Small talk exchange of information with someone on a surface level Questions encourage people to open up by drawing them out aid in discovering the other s attitudes keep the conversation to the topic at hand used to direct the conversation help you gain information and clarify meanings ask questions that require the person to give more than yes no Holistic thinking doesn t dissect events or concepts Listening in conversations requires some strategies should be two sided don t assume ask yourself what message is needed Nonverbal communication plays an important role in conversation Directions instructions for completing a task getting somewhere achieving Requesting process of expressing a desire for something o Requesting information asking questions asking for restatement asking for definitions asking for clarification Empathy ability to put oneself into the mental shoes of another person Conflict is natural the inevitable result of individual differences limited resources and differences in role definitions Conflict situation in which you perceive that another person is frustrating or might frustrate the satisfaction of some concern need want or desire Causes of conflict o Goals to be pursues allocation of resources decisions to be made behaviors that are considered inappropriate Levels of conflict no conflict latent conflict problems to solve dispute help fight or flight intractability Anger feeling of being upset with yourself or others o Things to do to prevent anger do not react immediately when you are angered don t make important decisions in the heat of an angry moment use extra energy to act constructively apologize Fair fighting participants work toward an amicable solution to the problem and keep in mind that although the issue is important the relationship is too o Get as much information as you can keep arguments in the present tense don t try to make changes to things not altered Conflict avoidance not confronting the conflict Conflict accommodation put the needs of others ahead of their own Conflict smoothing over seeks above all else to preserve the image that everything is okay Conflict compromise brings concerns out into the open in an attempt to satisfy the needs of both parties Conflict competition get another person to comply with or accept your point of view the main element is who has the power Conflict integration concerned about their own needs as well as those of the other person Assertive communication takes place when a person stands up for and tries to achieve personal rights without damaging others Assertiveness does not mean taking advantage of others means taking charge of yourself and your world o Simple assertion solve the facts relating to the problem o Empathic assertion recognize person s position but state own needs o Follow up assertion simple empathic assertion is not successful in getting the desired action usually a restatement Nonassertive behavior avoids conflict and thinks of others first Aggressive behavior dominate and to get your own way at all costs DESC scripting describing expressing specifying and stating consequences Negotiation act of bargaining to reach an agreement with at least two people or groups working on a mutual problem o Prepare in advance reframe the questions and arguments respond and don t react identify and alter tactics Win lose negotiations center on one person s getting what he or she wants while the other comes up short Lose lose negotiations neither person is satisfied with the outcome because neither gets what she or he wants Arbitration alternative process for deciding disputes Litigation adversarial communication in which a dispute is settled by presenting evidence to a judge or jury Mediation process in which a neutral person who has no vested interest in the outcome facilitates communication between parties and imposes solution Criticism act of judging negative act by the receiver Knowing how to handle criticism is an important communication skill Apologizing saying you are sorry but it is a difficult task Culture impacts all aspects of interpersonal communication
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