Chapter 7 Interpersonal Skills and Conflict Management Participating in Conversations Conversation is an interaction with at least one other person Small talk is an exchange of information with someone on a surface level info exchanged centers on biographics name occupation hometown or slightly more personal info hobbies future plans lasts for about 15 min until in depth convo starts Ppl like to talk about themselves and their experiences Keep track of current events watch non verbal cues show interest hit common interest points ask questions Questions encourage ppl to open up by drawing them out aid you in discovering the other s attitudes keep the convo to the topic at hand can be used to direct the convo help you gain info and clarify meanings require the person to give more than a yes no answer European Americans often speak in thought patterns emphasizing analytical thinking events concepts Southern American Asian cultures holistic thinking that doesn t dissect Conversations should be 2 sided with both ppl having the opportunity to participate don t assume before speaking ask yourself what message is needed Giving Directions Be specific as clear as possible using specific language but not too many details Directions can be given in chronological order first second third or spatial or else it s overwhelming order geographic directions Linear thinkers prefer maps and written out directions global thinkers prefer pictures and oral directions with specific landmarks Requesting Requesting is the process of exploring a desire for something Requesting information asking questions asking for restatement asking for definitions asking for clarifications Expressing Empathy Empathy is the ability to put oneself into the mental shoes of another person to understand his or her emotions and feelings Dealing with Interpersonal Conflict Conflict can be negative or positive Conflict is any situation in which you perceive that another person with whom your interdependent is frustrating or might frustrate the satisfaction of some concern need want or desire of yours Causes of conflict goals allocation of resources decision making behavior Levels no conflict latent conflict problems to solve dispute help fight or flight intractability Anger is the feeling of being upset with yourself or others or both o Negative expressions of anger internal actions acting out passive resistance violence external actions o Positive expressions of anger clear direct expressive assertion of needs wants o Can be implosive beat yourself up or explosive beat up others o Do not react immediately when angry don t make important decisions in the heat of the moment use the extra energy generated by anger to act constructively apologize if necessary Fair fighting participants work toward an amicable solution to the problem and keep in mind that although the issue is important the relationship is also important o Get as much info as your can attempt to adjust to the problem based on this info keep arguments in the present tense do not try ot make the other person change things that can t be altered do not start a fight when it cannot be finished the setting can affect a conflict a fight can take place only if both parties participate listen to your body identify realistically what you need to get out of the transaction Styles of conflict management o Conflict avoidance not confronting the conflict nonassertive person s o Conflict accommodation put the needs of others ahead of their own needs are not met giving in nonassertive Conflict smoothing over seeks above all else to preserve the image that everything is okay o Conflict compromise brings concerns out into the open in an attempt to satisfy the needs of both parties assertive or nonassertive o Conflict competition main element is power get another person to comply with or accept your point of view or do something that person doesn t want to do o Conflict integration concerned about their own needs as well as those of the other person wont settle for a partially satisfying solution relationship and issue are equally important assertion Communicative approaches to managing conflict o Assertive communication takes place when a person stands up for and tries to achieve personal rights without damaging others Assertiveness does not mean taking advantage of others its means taking charge of yourself and your world Nonassertive behavior goal is to avoid conflict Aggressive behavior goal is to dominate to get your own way Direct aggression outward expression of dominating Passive aggression attacks in a manipulative way Simple assertion you state the facts relating to the existence of a problem Empathic assertion recognize the other person s position but state your own needs Follow up assertion is used when the simple or empathic assertion is not successful in getting the desired action DESC scripting is a way of dealing with interpersonal conflicts process is describing expressing specifying and stating consequences o Negotiation is the act of bargaining to reach an agreement with at least two people or groups working on a mutual problem 4 principals of negotiation prepare in advance reframe the questions and arguments respond don t react identify alter tactics Win lose negotiations center on one person s getting what he or she wants while the other comes up short Lose lose negotiations neither person is satisfied with the outcome b c neither gets what he or she wants Win win negotiation find a solution that is satisfying to everyone o Arbitration is an alternative process for deciding disputes o Litigation is adversarial communication in which a dispute is settled by presenting evidence to a judge or jury who decides who is right o Mediation is a process in which a neutral person who has no vested interest in the outcome facilitates communication between parties and without imposing a solution on the parties enables them to understand and resolve their dispute o Conflict active societies conflict is accepted as an important part of life Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cultures o Conflict avoidance societies group is stressed over individual Asians Criticism Apologizing Criticism the act of judging When criticized seek more information paraphrase the ideas of the person making the criticism to clarify them for both of you ask yourself what consequences will result from your not altering the behavior being criticized listen to the person if the criticism is not just accept
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