chapter 8 liking and loving 12 05 2012 Britain s Longest married couple celebrates a quiet 80th anniversary And the secret to a successful marriage Share a little kiss and cuddle evey night before bed Love is about give and take Chapter 8 People desire and need to develop closer relationships with others especially with others that can engage in reproduction This allows social support the approval assistance advice comfort and other aid that we receive from those with whom we have developed stable positive relationships including our families as well we romantic partners siblings friends and other acquaintances These relationships are determined by biological evolutionary individual and cultural factors Close relationships relationships between or among people that are characterized by loving Caring commitment and intimacy and involve attachment intimacy interdependence commitment and the incorporation of other into the self concept Close relationships bring children but also health and happiness Social Psychology in the Public Interest Social Support and Mental Health People who feel that they have adequate social support report being happier and have also been found to have fewer psychological and health problems Example married people are happier then unmarried people Social support helps us cope with the everyday stress that we experience and are less depressed A goal of psychotherapy is to develop better social support networks Adequate social support are also physically healthy fewer diseases live longer positive effects with social support upon physiological functioning including immune system Social supports helps buffer against stress 1 People can exchange favors when needed 2 Makes people feel better about themselves Social support can also have negative effects like exclusion and this pain can be with a person for a very long time Social support can withhold affiliation from or ostracize other people in order to attempt to force them to conform to wishes changes people s behavior We experience higher self efficacy self esteem and have a positive mood Initial Attraction Interpersonal attraction when we say that we like or love someone this represents the strength of our liking or loving for another person Physical Attractiveness Even though it is not a determinant of liking the initial encounter of people are influences by the physical attractiveness of their partners The desire for a face in symmetry is most pleasing to many people this is because they appear to be healthier and make reproductive mates body symmetry is also a good indicator of genes Young symmetry and averageness is universal desires social factors also influence Gender Differences in Perceived Attractiveness Overall men and women value physical attractiveness but also personality Men overall value looks in women where as women value looks but also in the social status of their potential partner universal preferences Age also matters for men a young women is more important could be because women are more fertile at a younger age Women are desired when they have a low waist to hip ratio large hip small waist Evolutionary arguments say that men should be less selective because they spend less time then women with children and women should be more selective when picking out a man Gender differences should also include specific norms and expectations Women have a lower status so this could be why women find men with a higher status Why is Physical Attractiveness so Important People like to be around attractive people because it is rewarding and pleasing to look at the people around you it implies high status They are also seen as better friends and partners Physical attractiveness stereotype the tendency to perceive attractive people as having positive characteristics such as sociability and competence Attractive people are seen as dominant warm healthy intelligent socially skilled and receive social benefits Could be the reason for self fulfilling prophecies Similarity We like those who are like us People usual like other people who share their age education race religion level of intelligences and socioeconomic status Why Does Similarity Matter Similarity makes things easier same thoughts religion etc Sharing beliefs also enforces how you react to things Status Similarity high status Naturally want to have friends and form relationships with people who have The ability to attract deals with limited principles of social exchange The basic principles of social exchange is similar resources Exchange and equity is we try to find people who like us as much as we like them If we act in a positive way we expect a return in compliment Proximity Meeting someone is the first step and being around another person increases liking Proximity liking Mere exposure is the tendency to prefer stimuli including people that we have seen more frequently Mere exposure is very powerful and occurs in many situations Evolutionary basis we have an initial fear of the unknown but once we become accustomed they become less dangerous Only occurs in the early stages of attraction We prefer things that have an optimal level of familiarity neither too strange or too well known Affect and Attraction Emotional responses are important in interpersonal relationships We like people more when we are in a good mood and less when we are in a bad mood positive mood means safe and desirable and bad mood means danger are complex Other causes can affect someone s mood Relationships between our current state of physiological arousal and liking More arousal increases liking for another person Demonstrates that arousal polarizes liking when we are aroused everything seems more extreme Passion are the strong feelings that we experience toward another person that are accompanied by increases in arousal and sexual attraction Passionate love the kind of love that we experience when we are first getting to know a romantic partner Key Takeaways attractiveness of their partners At least in initial encounters people are strongly influenced by the physical We prefer people who are young who have symmetrical facial features and bodies and who appear average These preferences may be because these features suggest to us that the person is healthy Although men and women agree on many aspects of what they find attractive women are relatively more focused on the social status of their romantic partners whereas men are more focused on the youth of their romantic
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