CHAPTER 8 Liking and Loving Support the approval assistance advice comfort and other aid that we receive from those with whom we have developed stable positive relationships including our families as well as romantic partners siblings friends and other acquaintances Close relationships The relationships between or among people that are characterized by loving caring commitment and intimacy They involve attachment intimacy interdependence commitment and the incorporation of other into the self concept also bring us health and happiness when we are able to create successful ones but they may also produce a profound sense of loneliness and sadness when we are not Social Psychology in the Public Interest Social Support and Mental health People who feel they have others to turn to and support tend to be much happier and much healthier On the other hand the opposite consists of being ostracized and excluded which can have long lasting pain on a person Basically what it comes down to is close relationships make people happy and healthy and the lack of them leaves us lonely or hurt With such relationships help us cope with illness and enhance our desires to be with people Interpersonal attraction represents the strength of our liking or loving for Initial Attraction another person Physical Attractiveness initial encounters heavily rely on looks Facial features and characteristics and youthful large round and widely spaced eyes a small nose and chin prominent cheekbones and a large forehead Symmetry Gender Differences in Perceived Attractiveness Physical Attractiveness both men and women value physical attractiveness as well as other personality characteristics such as kindness humor dependability intelligence and sociability and this is true across many different cultures Status Age Fertility women from many different cultures have been found to prioritize a man s status over his physical attractiveness whereas men prioritize a woman s attractiveness over her status Women have been found to be more likely to respond to personal ads placed by relatively older men whereas men tend to respond to ads placed by younger women men have a preference for women with a low waist to hip ratio that is large hips and a small waist a shape that is likely to indicate fertility Social Norms and Expectations women have lower status than men and as a result they may find it important to attempt to raise their status by marrying men who have more of it Why is Physical Attractiveness so Important Rewarding and enjoyable Physical attractiveness stereotype the tendency to perceive attractive people as having positive characteristics such as sociability and competence Attractive people are given better grades on essay exams are more successful on job interviews and receive lighter sentences in court judgments in comparison to their less attractive counterparts Similarity We Like Those Who Are Like Us people tend to associate with and like others who share their age education race religion level of intelligence and socioeconomic status Why Does Similarity Matter Things are easier Status Similarity Although most people are attracted to people of the opposite sex and although we may sometimes prefer people who have different interests and skills than we do when it comes to personality traits it is similarity that matters complementarity being different from the other just does not have much influence on liking Proximity People tend to gravitate to those who live in their city or are close location wise to them Exposure is key Affect and Attraction Positive affect signals that it is safe and desirable to approach the other person whereas negative affect is more likely to indicate danger and to suggest avoidance if you want to get someone to like you put them in a good mood It is pretty easy to do so simply bringing flowers looking your best or telling a funny joke might well be enough to be effective Passion the strong feelings that we experience toward another person that are accompanied by increases in arousal and sexual attraction are called passionate love the kind of love that we experience when we are first getting to know a romantic partner Close Relationships Liking and Loving Over Long Term People in long term relationships who are most satisfied with their partners report that they still feel passion for their partners they still very much want to be around them as much as possible and they enjoy making love with them Over time cognition becomes relatively more important than passion and close relationships are more likely to be based on companionate love love that is based on friendship mutual attraction common interests mutual respect and concern for each other s welfare Closeness and Intimacy Over time in successful relationships the partners begin to feel close to each other whereas in unsuccessful relationships closeness does not increase and may even decrease Reciprocal self disclosure the tendency to communicate frequently without fear of reprisal and in an accepting and empathetic manner the perceived closeness between romantic partners can be a better predictor of how long the relationship will last than is the number of positive feelings that the partners indicate having for each other Communal and Exchange Relationships Communal relationships are close relationships in which partners suspend their need for equity and exchange giving support to the partner in order to meet his or her needs and without consideration of the costs to themselves Exchange relationships relationships in which each of the partners keeps track of his or her contributions to the partnership Interdependence and Commitment Interdependent meaning that they rely to a great degree on each other to meet their goals As duties in a household increase support from both parties also increases After spending a long time with one person it may also become more and more difficult to imagine ourselves with anyone else Commitment refers to the feelings and actions that keep partners working together to maintain the relationship The pain of breaking up should it happen is more difficult in relationships that are interdependent and committed The closer and more committed a relationship has been the more devastating a breakup will be What is Love Consummate Love passion intimacy and commitment Romantic Love infatuated with one and other Individual Differences in Loving Attachment Styles Attachment style a description of the different
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