HDF 304 Exam 3 Study Guide Lectures 16 23 Lecture 16 Communication Importance of communication The ability for spouses to effectively send and receive messages is associated with marital satisfaction Biggest problem in couples communication Interpersonal Gap Message sent is not message received Sender s intentions differ from listener s experience Sender s intentions Sender s encoding style Noise and Interference Listener s Decoding style Listener s perceptions Internal and external factors are considered as noise Nonverbal Communication Includes all the things people do in an interaction except for their spoken words Functions Provide Information Nonverbal behavior provides information about people s mood or what they mean by what they say Help convey emotional messages Regulate Interaction Nonverbal behavior provides cues that regulate conversations and other interactions Define the nature of the relationship The type of partnership maybe evident in the nonverbal behavior Nonverbal Sensitivity Involves ability to encode and decode Key predictor of relationship satisfaction Husbands and wives asked to send and receive different messages Women are better at encoding and decoding Husbands in unhappy marriages not good at encoding or decoding meaning of message Components of NV Communication Facial Expressions Seemingly innate People blind at birth make same facial expressions as those who can see Informative when authentic Some attempt to Intensify exaggerate Minimize Neutralize Mask fake a different emotion Touch Can display various cues such as dominance or affection Interpersonal Distance Intimate zone 1 5 or less lovers Personal zone 1 5 ft to 4 ft friends Social zone 4 to 12 ft business interactions Paralanguage Rhythm pitch loudness how they say it e g loud voice tends to signal anger Gazing Behavior The direction and amount of a person s eye contact Communicates interest affection Body Language Harder to control and more likely to convey true feelings Vary widely from culture to culture Lecture 17 Nonverbal Communication Review We need nonverbal cues to help us successfully encode i e send and decode i e receive messages Includes Facial expressions Touch Paralanguage Interpersonal Distance closer you are you ll stand closer Gazing Body Language Nonverbal communication is most helpful when it provides additional information about what is being said How would you react You are friends with Kristen Stewart the queen of flat affect She says I m pregnant No non verbal cues so you ll dig for more info before reacting If she says it with a smile you ll react happily If she says it while crying you ll react with oh no what are you going to do Verbal Communication Self Disclosure The process of revealing personal information to someone else Reciprocity couples tend to match initially Responsiveness People want their self disclosures to be met with apparent understanding caring support and respect Necessary for sustained intimacy Not always gradual Stranger on a plane phenomenon Immediate intimacy love at first sight disclosures Theory of social penetration the onion a Breadth variety of topics discussed b Depth personal significance of topics discussed Early in a relationship triangle very small mostly in superficial level As the relationship develops triangle grows a lot bigger topics include superficial intimate and very intimate levels Conflict Conflict exists when individuals who depend on each other express different views interests or goals and perceive their views as incompatible or oppositional Conflict in itself is not harmful How the conflict is managed and resolved determines if the conflict is harmful When does conflict occur Miscommunication 1 Kitchen Sinking Just keep throwing things on the pile It s not just your carelessness it s those friends you hang out with and your lousy attitude about helping out around the house King of Queens slip 2 Off Beam Get way off track You never do what I ask You re just as hard headed as your mother and you always take her side 3 Mindreading Make assumptions about goals motivations etc You just said that to make me mad to get back at me for yesterday 4 Yes butting Agree sort of but then discount it Yeah we could try that but it won t work because I m a genius and am always right 5 Cross Complaining Respond to a request complaint with a novel request complaint Person A I hate the way you let the dishes pile up in the sink Person B Well I hate how you leave the clothes in the dryer Gottman s Research Masters and Disasters of marriage 400 couples starting in 1973 Observations via videotape Physiological measures HR Blood pressure etc Questionnaires and Interviews 90 prediction accuracy Gottman Signs that a relationship will end in divorce 1st sign Harsh Setup 2nd sign 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse 1 Criticism Complaint focuses on specific behavior Criticism includes blame and general character assassination I m really angry that you didn t sweep the kitchen floor last night Why are you so forgetful I hate having to always 2 Contempt Fueled by long simmering negative thoughts about partner Arguments are not resolved Sarcasm name calling eye rolling sneering and mockery More likely to suffer from infectious illnesses 3 Defensiveness Way of blaming partner Not me it s you Does not work to end conflict Most often just fuels the fire for other partner 4 Stonewalling When one partner finally tunes out is silent No signs of active listening e g head nods Avoidance of not just fight but marriage relationship Acts as though could care less Usually occurs later in marriages after continual unresolved arguments Lecture 18 Couple 3 step kids Mom you don t understand since you didn t have to raise 3 kids Dad disconnect with the kids thinks she s demanding She is disappointed that he has no enthusiasm even with the kid s show He is tired a long term tired Lady why do you feel rejection Wants to leave avoid argument Avoids conflict Man cuts off communication tries to make her feel guilty Arguing over intimate levels Amount of sex they re having Woman inability to be heard Man she would want every problem to be immediately resolved he thinks some things could just go away What he considered minor he would consider major Arguing over the same things over and over cry of distress one partner may think one person need is more important Immediate solution is unlikely Lecture 19 Communication Gottman Signs that a relationship will end in divorce 1 Harsh