04 15 2014 The strength of one s smile is old photographs can predict later success is marriage Study conducted in 2009 by Dr Matthew Hertenstein of DePauw University Test One researchers rated the smile intensity of yearbook photos Scoring was based on the stretch in the muscle that pulls up the mouth and the muscle that creates wrinkles around the eyes Results none of the people who fell within the top 10 of smile strength had divorced while 1 in 4 of the bottom 10 had divorced Test two people over age 65 provided photographas from the childhood around 10 These smiles were rated with regard to intensity using the same method as test one Results 11 of biggest smilers had divorced while 31 of the weakest smilers had divorced NOT ON TEST The researchers say they cannot conclude anything about causation but they are willing to speculate Speculations Smilers have a more positive disposition toward life People who smile attract more friends and therefore have a larger support network that makes it easier to keep a marriage together The results of the study fit into other findings in research that suggest that predictions can be made from thin slices of behavior On test John Gottman University of Washington Marital interaction assessment a videotaped 15 minute discussion Specific affect coding system facial expression voice tone and by husband and wife body language Positive affect includes humor affection validation and joy Negative affect includes disgust contempt criticism belligerence domineering defensiveness whining tension fear anger and sadness Physiological measures heart rate pulse palmar skin conductance gross motor movement blood assays of immune response Four styles of interacting that predict divorce Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling global Criticism attacking someone s character It involves blame and is o Complaining is not criticizing o 80 a women who will bring up an issue in a relationship that s not the problem but how the issue is raised and how the person responds Defensiveness denying responsibility o Used by both genders o Making excuses external forces beyond your control that made you act a certain way o Whining is defensiveness o Become defensive when feeling threatened o Cross complaining Contempt the intention to belittle the other o youre stupid o synonymous to sarcasm o contempt probably one of the worst things you can do in a relationship rolling your eyes his wife had o o husbands contempt overtime predicted the number of illness Stonewalling physically and or emotionally withdrawing from conflict o Not to talk is sure way to not resolve conflict o Deadly tactic o Men become more physically disturbed than women o Men have a severe reaction to conflict o Breathing shallow heart rate increases and stays the same throughout interaction o Women should approach a subject gently o Even as infants male infants become more stressed than female infants o Men repress uncomfortable emotions avoid those emotions in others Gottmans Findings Men are more likely to stonewall Women are more likely to criticize Gay and lesbian couples are best at communicating Suggestions Work on one problem at a time Take responsibility Don t criticize but complain instead Face problems head on If you see your partner becoming upset try to soothe him or her Final tip Use empathy understanding precedes advice Gottman your partner would much rather have you demonstrate understanding than have you give them advice let that person know you understand them o Validate your partners feelings Show genuine interest Communicate your understanding Mid Life Development Mid life Development 40 65 years 04 15 2014 Generativity a capacity to care for others in a broader way than previous stages To nurture that which outlives the self Stagnation being self centered and self indulgent with a lack of concern about contributing to the welfare of society Developmental tasks of adulthood Levinson Young Old finding positive meaning in being older Destruction Creation becoming more aware of how we have acted in a harmful way toward others and trying to correct it Masculinity Femininity becoming more androgynous characteristics of both Engagement Separation resolving issues of work and family What makes us happy Family Meaningful philosophy of life Purposeful work The three grand essentials of happiness are something to do someone to love and something to hope for Stability vs Change Stability adult personality distinctive to the person patterns of behavior thought and emotion is relatively stable over time Change adult personality is a continual process of change and growth Do people change 2000 40 year olds 52 stayed the same think about their personality 39 changes a little 9 changes a lot So 91 felt personality was relatively stable Five stables factors of personality OCEAN Open Openness Imaginative or practical o o Variety or routine o Independent or conforming Conscientiousness o Organized or disorganized o Careful or careless o Disciplined or impulsive Extraversion Agreeableness o Sociable or retiring o Fun loving or somber o Affectionate or reserved o Soft hearted or ruthless o Trusting or suspicious o Helpful or uncooperative Neuroticism o Calm or anxious o Secure or insecure o Self satisfied or self pitying In general Agreeableness and conscientiousness increase in middle age Neuroticism declines Extraversion and openness either do not change or decrease slightly not on test Personality is responsive to life experiences change but that change exists within boundaries These changes which have been verified cross culturally could be said to reflect a settling down or maturity A person who scores high or low on a particular trait is likely to retain that standing throughout adulthood Coparenting 04 15 2014 Coparenting how individuals can work together to not fuck up their kids Coparenting According to Academics Coparenting refers to the extent to which partners share leadership and support one another in their as architects and heads of the family Is a relationship that parents negotiate their respective roles responsibilities and contributions to their children refers to the way that parents and or parents figures relate to each other in the role of parent The way parents or parental figures share leadership by negotiating their respective roles as heads of the family Coparenting may be the most daunting yet significant experience that two adults share Our Definition Family Systems