Why Marriages Succeed or Fail 12 03 2013 John Gottman University of Washington by husband and wife language Marital Interaction Assessment a videotaped 15 minute discussion Specific Affect Coding System facial expression voice tone and body Positive affect includes humor affection validation and joy Negative affect includes disgust contempt criticism belligerence domineering defensiveness whining tension fear anger and sadness Physiological measures heart rate pulse palmar skin conductance gross motor movement blood assays of immune response Predicting divorce by pattern recognition Four styles of interacting that predict divorce 1 Criticism 2 Defensiveness 3 Contempt most predictive of divorce 4 Stonewalling global o Females do this more o Complaining is not criticizing Contempt The intention to belittle the other o Males do this more Defensiveness Denying responsibility Criticism Attacking someone s character It involves blame and is o Used equally by both genders Stonewalling physically and or emotionally withdrawing from conflict o Men do it more than women but women also do it Gottman s Research Findings Men are more likely to stonewall Women are more likely to criticize Gay and lesbian couple are best at communicating Suggestions 1 Work on one problem at a time 2 Take responsibility 3 If you see your partner becoming upset try to soothe him or her 4 Don t criticize but complain instead Face problems head on Coparenting 12 03 2013 Finishing Last Class s Lecture related to Gottman s stuff Securely attached adults demonstrate Interest in partner s comments Recognize partner s distress Respond empathically to distress And are able to give and receive comfort MORE THAN insecurely attached adults Insecurely attached ambivalent adults tend to be overly dependent and anxious in romantic relationships Insecurely attached avoidant adults tend to be dismissing and withdraw from conflict and emotional expression in romantic relationships Final Tip Use Empathy Understanding precedes advice Validate your partner s feeling Show genuine interest Communicate your understanding Steps to Fair Fighthing 1 Soften your start up 2 Learn to make repair attempts 3 Self Soothe 4 Compromise Coparenting Definition The way parents or parental figures share leadership by negotiating their respective roles as heads of the family Family Systems Theory Minuchin 1974 The coparenting relationship influences and is influenced by the parent s relationship In other words they tend to be positively correlated First studied in divorced families on how parents could work together despite divorce to better child outcomes Presently We an think of coparenting as consisting of 4 components Coparenting has been shown to influence parent and child outcomes differentially from both individual parenting practices and Feinberg 2002 o Support Undermining o Childrearing Disagreements o Division of Household Labor o Managing Family Interactions Why study coparenting the parent s quality of relationship Basically it s a unique relationship How do we measure coparenting Questionaires Observations o Triadic play sessions The future of coparenting research Speaker says Were becoming more accepting of same sex couples etc Same sex couples Mother grandmother kin partnerships Things ti remember that may or may not show up on a final exam sometime Coparenting is how parents parent together Support is key o Perceiving division of labor as fair Triangulation is typically bad o Picture kid drew is cut up with parents in separate pieces We can observe how parents coparent through play tasks Late Adulthood 65 75 years old 12 03 2013 Integrity vs Despair Integrity Life has been meaningful and held purpose Life has been satisfying Despair Life has not been meaningful nor held purpose Greatest fears of elderly people Being a victim of crime Senility only 3 4 become senile Poverty Being in a nursing home 5 end up needing that type of care living in a retirement community is NOT living in a nursing home Living Arrangements of elderly people Living with spouse Women 41 Men 73 Living alone Women 40 Men 17 Other Women 19 Men 10 Hope and Faith vs Despair To transcend life s circumstances Generally younger people express a greater fear of death than people over 65 Realistic fear of elderly people being kept alive by medical technology with a diminished capacity for living Communicating with a person who is facing imminent death 1 Be at the same eye level 2 Eliminate distractions 3 Be aware of the energy level of the person with regard to visiting 4 Follow the person s lead in accepting their death 5 Encourage expression of feelings 6 Don t be afraid to ask the person about their prognosis 7 Ask the person if there is anyone they would like you to contact 8 Encourage the dying person to reminisce 9 Talk when they want to talk Don t be afraid to say goodbye 10 11
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