ML 4201 Chapter 21 From a relationship perspective marketing is viewed as a continuing exchange of value between 2 parties While money is often the focus of commercial exchanges it has no intrinsic value Humans value anything that 1 Facilitates the five preconditions 2 Allows D Need gratification 3 Allows neurotic need gratification 4 Allows growth need gratification Indeed Maslow 1970 concluded that all relationships personal and professional succeed or fail based on the amount of need gratification exchanged Any relationship that fails to satisfy the evolving needs of the parties to exchange will decline over time It is important to note that Maslow 1970 also concluded that humans need love and affection all through their life and that deprivation of the love needs causes serious problems for adults The mail problem with studying this topic is that many people have a weakly cued idea of what love is Intimacy Theory Intimacy Theory Shared truth about one s Biological Intrinsic Self BIS Basically defined as who you were born to be your true inner intrinsic nature Sharing the truth in an exchange relationship involves reciprocity or a two stage process o Stage 1 Revealing the BIS Intimacy begins when one person reveals part of his her BIS to another person The more important the exchange relationship the more important it is to be self expressive in order to achieve need gratification especially the higher needs BIS is tied to self esteem since it s our real self o Stage 2 Feedback from Key Account 1 Reward Rewards makes the person feel loved adds significantly to esteem and increases the probability of further intimacy 2 Acceptance Key account may not approve of or agree with your BIS but nevertheless accepts you for who you are 3 Constructive Criticism Tough love this response makes the person feel challenged and may activate meta motives 4 Rejection Felt punishment and lowers self social esteem thereby decreasing the probability of further intimacy 5 Attack Sometimes when a divergent BIS is revealed it may be attacked verbally e g sarcasm threats etc or physically e g spanking fights etc This is the ultimate form of rejection and significantly lowers social self esteem and decreases the probability of further intimacy Responses 1 3 are ideal Indirect Intimacy Involves a one way relationship the BIS is expressed to another person or object that does not or cannot respond o Ex A teenage girl who is in love with a music pop star and spends hours talking to a picture of him o A major advantage here is that the probability of rejection is low Importance of Intimacy Maslow believed that all relationships succeed or fail based on the amount of need gratification exchanged The Intimacy Audit The maximum level of intimacy that can exist is 100 which would signify that the entire intrinsic self has been revealed to and accepted by a key account An intimacy level of 50 would indicate that only half of the intrinsic self has been revealed to and or accepted by a key account When BIS is antisocial or damaged the BIS must be suppressed for the good Antisocial or Damaged BIS of society Negative Response to Intimacy Another difficult issue is when to reward intimacy and when to punish it Even though responding negatively to another s personal revelation reduces intimacy there may be reasons to do o First both parties to the exchange may not desire the same level of intimacy If one person gets too close the other may withdraw or provide negative feedback to keep a desired distance o Second a personal revelation may violate species values or human nature If the person has lied cheated physically hurt others etc a negative response is appropriate Types of Intimacy Genetic Intimacy When two parties to exchange are genetically related When a couple has a child they form a secondary genetic bond Emotional Intimacy Occurs when the parties to exchange have shared experiences which trigger strong body chemistry Psychological Intimacy Occurs when parties to the exchange share beliefs and values Ex This would include two people who agree on political issues and therefore have discussions where they reinforce each other s views Physical Intimacy Two types o Non sexual Most touching like high fiving chest bumping pats on the back etc are not considered sexual in nature This indicates a psychological distance between them Because sex is the closest physical behavior two people can perform it involves a high degree of intimacy by definition This is difficult to understand because sex can satisfy a variety of human needs states o Sexual Loss of Intimacy Intimacy is hard to maintain and can decline over time for a number of reasons 1 Truth can be difficult 2 Impression Management 3 Natural Variation in BIS 4 Self Importance and Need for Dominance 5 Unresolved Conflict 6 Low Self Esteem 7 Life Cycle of Life 8 Changes in BIS 9 Repressed BIS 10 Guilt A key to self esteem is to achieve full disclosure of the BIS Lack of Self Expression People often misrepresent their true feelings in an effort to avoid hurting someone s feelings or trying to avoid confrontation or an argument Another common example of this down leveling is when people stay in a relationship even though intimacy levels are low b c they want to avoid loneliness Love Love Subjective internal feeling state based on a pattern of intimacy i e shared truth over time