HDFS 129 Dr Corneal 3 25 14 I Why do you want to get married o Companionship o Someone to come home to o To have kids with o To be more financially stable o To have someone that brings out the best in you o Because you re in love o Social expectation II Pew Research survey results o 1950s 60s and 70s the top two consistent reasons for marrying were Having children and creating stability o Presently the top reason is For personal happiness and fulfillment o The percentage of Americans who consider children as very important to a successful marriage has dropped from 65 in the 1990s to 40 in 2011 o Sharing household chores has moved up in importance from 47 in 1990 to 62 o Career women s marital satisfaction decreases when marriage involves an unequal presently division of labor o Average duration of a marriage nine years presently III Average ages at marriage o 1950 o Presently Males just under 23 years Females just above 20 years Males just above 27 years Females just above 25 years IV Andrew Cherlin o The marriage go round The state of marriage and the family in America today o Presently we evaluate our marriage in a very self centered way o Americans get married more divorced more and have more live in partners than people in any other western industrialized nation o Children who have experienced multiple transitions at home Have more behavior problems in school Kids experience the changes and new relationships of both parents Have sex at an earlier age More likely to have a first child outside of marriage Less likely to graduate from high school Children born in America are far more likely to see their parents partnerships break up than are children in most other countries Cherlin s advice SLOW DOWN V Myths about marriage o 1 Conflict will ruin your marriage Conflict can actually strengthen marriage avoiding it will cause more trouble o 2 Affairs are the main cause of divorce People are not facing conflicts or discussing marital problems so they have affairs Research shows affairs are not about sex they are about seeking friendships support and understanding The result of not handling conflict o 3 Men are not biologically made for marriage The state of marriage is actually something men seek more than women o 4 The best marriages are when couples have the same interests Research shows this does not seem to matter friendship and mutual respect is crucial VI What helps to make a marriage work o 1 Solving solvable problems Fighting is a normal part of relationships disconnection is inevitable o 2 Letting your partner influence you Bad marriages involve one partner who is unwilling to share the power Power WITH somebody not over somebody o 3 Creating a shared meaning of marriage o 4 Turn toward each other rather than away Respect each other s point of view o an unhappy marriage increases an individual s risk of getting sick by 30 and can even shorten a person s life by 4 years
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