HDFS TEST 4 4 11 13 John Gottman Marital Interaction Assessment video taped 15 min discussion by husband wife Specific Affect Coding System Facial expression voice tone body language Positive Affect Includes Humor affection validation joy Negative Affect Includes Disgust contempt criticism belligerence domineering defensiveness whining tension fear anger Physiological Measures Heart rate pulse physiological responses Predicting divorce by pattern recognition Four Styles of Interacting that Predict Divorce 1 Criticism 2 Defensiveness 3 Contempt 4 Stonewalling not answering shutting off If all 4 are present 94 chance Dissatisfaction if these are present Criticism Attacking some ones character It involves blame global less specific You never want to talk Complaining is not criticism Complaining is good for marriage if something is wrong you need to say something Anger is just a sign that something needs to change o Complaint a very specific statement of anger distress o More than 80 of time its women who bring up problems Contempt The intention to belittle the other The most harmful to relationships most deadly Sarcasm mockery rolling eyes Relationship with how contemptuous a husband is how sick wife gets Defensiveness Denying responsibility Making excuses I didn t do that Stonewalling Physically and or emotionally withdrawing from conflict Refusing to engage with problem 85 are males because they are disturbed by criticism Gottman s Research Findings men are more likely to stonewall women are more likely to criticize gay lesbian couples are best at communicating Suggestions 1 Work on one problem at a time 2 Take responsibility be accountable for your behavior 3 4 Don t criticize but complain instead Face problems head on If you see your partner becoming upset try to sooth him her more likely him Final Tip Use Empathy Understanding precedes advice Validate your partners feelings Show genuine interest Communicate your understanding put yourself in your partners shoes Securely Attached Adults Demonstrate Interest in partners comments Recognize when partners in distress Respond empathically to distress and are able to receive give comfort more than insecurely attached adults Insecurely Attached Ambivilent Adults tend to be overly dependent anxious in romantic relationships Insecurely Attached Avoidant Adults tend to be dismissing withdrawn from conflict emotional expression in romantic relationships Video Gottmans book The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work Gottman Institute 4 steps 4 18 13 Successful Aging Life Expectancy Number of years that will probably be lived Currently 78 49 years Women on average live longer 81 vs 76 for men Monaco highest life expectancy Lifespan vs Life Expectancy Max number of years a human can live 122 max What are Stereotypes Ageism prejudice or discrimination against a particular age group Old people are miserable To be old is to be sick You cant teach an old dog new tricks The elderly don t pull their own weight The secret to successful aging is to choose your partners wisely VS 4 th Age 80 old old losses in cognitive potential ability to learn dementia prevalence behavioral systems change to more negative 3 rd Age 65 80 young old cognitive reserve emotional intelligence wisdom Successful Aging Making a prolonged life worth living Combo of 1 Physical Dimension Free of disability chronic illness 2 Psychological Dimension Free of cognitive impairments maintaining emotional functioning 3 Social Dimension Socially engaged with life other people Baltes Soc Theory Selective Optimization Compensation then maintain functioning at a high level Selective o Select certain domains of activities o Developing choosing specific goals o Ex concert pianist who now plays for fewer places Compensatory strategies that older adults use that Optimization Compensation o Optimize application refinement of goal relevant actions o Acquiring new skills resources o Ex pianist practices fewer pieces so he can direct all his energy to one o Compensate for age related declines o When tasks require level of capacity beyond person s current level o Ex pianist slows down before fast segments Select goal to stay active Optimize really studying understanding the rules of the game focusing on technique Compensate play doubles rather than singles in tennis Roseto Mystery o Town in Italy o Much lower death rate o Outliers No diets exercise health behavior religion work discrimination o Social Family Connections Carstensen s Socio emotional Selective Theory o Older adults are more selective w their social groups o Emphasis on emotional goals over knowledge based goals New Research o Dan Buettner identified areas around the world w very high life expectancy high disability free life expectancy The Power 9 Promoting Successful Aging Experience Corps o Intergenerational intervention program in 170 elementary schools in 23 cities o Adults 55 volunteered as reading tutors library assistants discipline monitors 4 23 13 Final Words on Video o Important to fight fairly o Fights are a natural part of marriage Advice for fair fighting 1 Bring up conflict gently 2 Make a repair attempt 3 Soothe your partner yourself 4 Compromise Late adulthood 65 75 Integrity life has been meaningful held purpose Life has been satisfying o Can still have regrets in itegreity o Fairly resilient successful Despair life has not been meaningful nor held purpose o Moody not flexible negative Greatest fears of elderly people unrealistic fears o Being a victim of a crime not true o Senility actually only 3 4 become senile o Poverty only 10 of elderly are living in poverty o Being in a nursing home about 5 end up in them The media supports these fears Living Arrangements of Elderly People Living with a spouse Living alone Other Women 41 40 19 Men 73 17 10 with kids assisted living Living in nursing home approx 5 Death Anxiety book concern about the process of dying o People who identify themselves as religious fear death more than those who identify themselves as spiritual a sense of lifes meaning Realistic Fear of Elderly being kept alive by medical technology with a diminished capacity for living o The living dying interval new stage of life o This is happening today Voluntary Acted Euthanasia Physician Assisted Suicide Communicating with a Person who is facing eminent death 1 Be at same level eyes 2 Eliminate distractions a No tv it means nothing to someone dying b No nervous small talk 3 Be aware of the energy level of