Lecture Material Definition of compliance seeking behaviors Wilson 2002 o Actions that try to induce a person to perform a behavior that he or she otherwise Showing up to friend s house all dressed up to convince them to go out Does not always succeed Could be unethical may not perform Five mental shortcuts heuristics that trigger compliance o Reciprocity heuristic do something with the hope that other person will reciprocate o Social proof heuristic if everyone is doing something it must be good okay o Liking heuristic if people are friendly we should do stuff for them o Authority heuristic less likely to honk at a luxury car at a traffic light than a normal car o Scarcity heuristic supplies are limited so you should buy that Urgency hypothesis Kellerman Park 2001 o When time is short people will shift from using more socially appropriate messages to more efficient messages Three guidelines for seeking compliance effectively o Tailor your strategy to the unique characteristics of your partner you don t want to go to the party What if I told you Sam will be there o Display your credibility Competence do you know what you are talking about Trustworthiness Are you trustworthy Have you failed in the past Likeability be appealing o When faced with resistance try a new strategy Definition of social support Thoits 1985 o Aid from significant others that is intended to meet the emotional or material needs of the individual Three types of social support o Informational advice help person understand and define what s going on o Instrumental something tangible o Emotional I m here for you Main effects hypothesis o Even when stress is not present social support leads to positive outcomes Buffering hypothesis o Stress social support positive outcomes Matching hypothesis o The most effective support directly matches the needs of the distressed person Definition of jealousy Guerrero Andersen 1998 o Occurs in response to a real or imagined threat to a valued relationship o Secondary emotion sadness fear anger Sex differences in jealousy o Men physical infidelity o Women emotional infidelity Four reasons that people cheat rated as the least forgivable of hurtful events in dating relationships o Relationship dissatisfaction o Boredom need for excitement o Sexual incompatibility want different things o Seek revenge two wrongs don t make a right Three types of relational violence o Physical violence laying hands on someone someone hits you o Emotional violence emotional abuse tearing someone s self esteem down could be equally damaging as physical o Sexual Violence forced sex Three strategies for dealing with relational violence o Let go of the belief that you can change your partner o Identify your resources o Plan for safety Four horsemen of the apocalypse Gottman 1993 o Criticism o Contempt psychological attack of who the individual thinks they are o Defensiveness seeing yourself as the victim and using that to ward off attacks o Stonewalling withdrawing from the relationship avoiding conflict silent treatment ghosting Sternberg s Triangle Theory of Love and friendships romantic relationships and friends with benefits relationships o https upload wikimedia org wikipedia commons thumb 9 95 Triangular The ory of Love svg 2000px Triangular Theory of Love svg png Five negotiations for a successful friends with benefits relationship o Defining the relationship o The future o Changes in feelings o Third party concerns how this will impact the greater social network o Exclusivity Six communication behaviors that are signs of relationship problems o Fewer references to the future o More conflict o Less self disclosure o Less relationship maintenance o More physical distance o Less eye contact Four phases of deciding to end a relationship Duck 1982 o Intrapsychic decision stuff that happens inside your head talking to self weighing costs and benefits o Dyadic decision phase talking to partner o Social decision talking to social network or others o Grave dressing decision phase the relationship is over Four quadrants of strategies for relationship termination Unilateral Bilateral Indirect Avoidance easiest Cost escalation Getting too pricey she starts buying steak Fade away long distance text every day but then gradually pull away Direct PositivityThreats restraining order if contacted Blame I blame you you blame me Going back and forth Negotiation most satisfying Both are involved in decision Reach an agreement o o o o Three o o Unilateral indirect avoidance cost escalation Unilateral direct positivity threats Bilateral indire0ct fade away Bilateral direct blame negotiation strategies for post dissolution recovery Express your emotions talk to your friends get it all out Figure out what happened look back at what happened Even if it means realizing you were the problem If you skip this step you are likely to repeat the same in the next relationship Realize don t idealize Think about the stuff that annoyed and bothered you That relationship was as good as it gets not true Three dimensions of workplace relationships o Status being able to communicate up and down o Choice making the best of who you work with o Intimacy terms of appropriateness for the workplace Five functions of workplace friendships o Informational exchange you learn from people you work with o Improved performance don t want to disappoint your friend so you work harder They help you out more o Social support they know your stressors and can help o Newcomer assimilation you learn where to park best bathroom cleanest room Friends help you find that o Retention Three dimensions of organizational climate o Detachment vs involvement how much are people in each other s business working together involved o Authority vs equality military is very top down as opposed to a more open no idea is a bad idea environment o Strategy vs spontaneity how structured is the path moving forward Three strategies for communicating effectively in the workplace o Self disclosure selectively be careful what you say at the workplace at least until you figure out who you can say stuff to o Be positive help your chances of having a better experience even though negative people also get promoted o Be a mentor and a protege if you think you have arrived then know you should have not Be a leader but keep learning Three challenges of interpersonal communication with technology o Little accountability can say whatever you want to say behind your screen o Flaming like