FSHD257 1st Edition Lecture 5 Outline of Last Lecture I. Chapter 4: Gender and Family a. Terminologyb. Studying Gender c. Believing in Gender Differences d. Gender Socializatione. Learning Gender Roles and Playing Gendered Roles Outline of Current Lecture II. Chapter 5: Intimacy, friendship, and love a. The need for intimacy b. Why intimacy matters c. Gender differences in love d. Gender and friendship e. Gender and love f. Showing love g. Sexual orientation and love h. What is love? i. Style of love j. Studying love i. Triangular theory of lovek. Breaking up l. Lasting relationshipsCurrent LectureII. Chapter 5: III. The Need for Intimacya. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.i.b. Intimacy: closeness between two people c. Instrumental displays: tasks associated with nurturing and caregiving d. Expressive displays: such as telling others how much we care about or love them e. Intimacy consists of four key features: i. Love and/or affectionii. Personal validation iii. Trust iv. Self disclosure: sharing both facts of our lives and the deeper feelings f. Intimacy is a vital component of relationship satisfaction g. Intimate relationships provide us benefitsi. Reduces the likelihood of illness, depression and accidents ii. Protection from some stress related symptoms h. The most important sources of intimacy are: i. Friendship and love IV. Why It Matters: The Importance of Lovea. Love is essential to our livesb. Popular films reflect how much American popular culture emphasizes romantic lovec. Homogamy: tendency for people to marry together much like themselves V. Gender and Intimacy: Men and Women as Friends and Lovers a. Feminization of love: seeing love in largely expressive terms i. Saying I love you, affection b. Women display with instrumental displaysc. Men more likely to display love instrumentallyi. Doing something for the partnerVI. Gender differences in Lovea. Womeni. Intimacy means sharing love and affection and expressing warm feelings toward someone ii. Display intimacy in their verbal exchanges, express more empathy, and are more likely to come to an understanding of what others feelings are iii. Associate intimacy with being together and sharing themselves with one another b. Men i. Being intimate may mean engaging in sexual behavior and being physically close ii. More likely to react to disclosures with negative or problematic emotions by trying to solve supposed problem iii. Associated intimacy with “doing things” together or for another person and often find a women’s need to “talk things through” puzzling iv. May feel they show intimacy by sharing activities and interests, telling stories, and even sitting together in silence VII. Gender and Friendshipa. Gender differences in same-sex friendships i. Female friendshipsii. Male friendshipsiii. Cross-sex friendshipsb. This gender difference is accentuated in adolescence and persists into and through adulthoodc. Friends with benefits VIII. Gender and Lovea. Men fall in love quickerb. Men describe more instrumental styles of lovec. Men are more likely to see sex as an expression of love IX. Showing Love: Affection and Sexuality a. Does “being in love” include sexual desire? b. For women and men sexual desire, but not sexual activity is associated with passionate love X. Sexual Orientation and Lovea. Love is equally important for heterosexuals, gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals b. For lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals love has special significance in the formationand acceptance of their identities XI. What is Love?a. In order, 12 central attributes of love (Fehr, 1988)i. Trustii. Caringiii. Honestyiv. Friendshipv. Respectvi. Concern for the other’s well-beingvii. Loyaltyviii. Commitmentix. Acceptance of the other the way he/she isx. Supportivenessxi. Wanting to be with the otherxii. Interest in the otherXII. Style of Lovea. Eros: Romantic or passionate lovei. The notebook b. Ludus: Playful or game-playing lovei. Friends with benefits c. Storge: Love between companionsd. Mania: Obsessive love (eros + ludus)i. Crazy love, I love you/I hate youe. Agape: Altruistic love (eros + storge)i. Putting the other before you put yourself ii. Without expecting something in return (giving without receiving)iii. Family members – maybe the love you feel for a child1. Mother-daughter, father-daughter, father-son, mother-sonf. Pragma: Practical love (ludus + storge)i. Want someone with the right characteristics – right job/religion/lifestyle/who would get along with their family g. A mutually satisfying love affair is more likely when partners shares the same style (Lee) i. Ludic lovers might not do so well with eros or manic, etc. h. Linked to gender and ethnicityi. Gender differences 1. Women tend to score higher on storge and pragma than men do 2. Men tend to score higher on ludus than women do ii. Race and ethnicity1. Asian Americans score higher on pragma XIII. Studying Lovea. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Lovei. According to the theory, love is composed of three elements that can be visualized as the points of a triangle: *When saying I love you it can mean a lot of different things and can be a combination of all 3 things 1. Intimacya. Sharing, friendship, bond, trust, respect b. Less intense than passionc. Desire to feel close and connected to the other person d. Forming a mutual bond, sharing feelings e. Refers to a warm close feelings2. Passiona. Powerful feelings, physical attraction, feeling in love, sexualattractionb. Desire, sexual longing3. Decision or commitmenta. Desire to maintain the relationship over a long period of timeb. The desire to stay in the relationship for a long time XIV.Triangular Theory of Lovea.XV. Finding Love and Choosing Partners a. Stimulus-Value-Role Theory (Murstein)i. First stage: stimulus – having that initial attraction is important so you notice each other, as the relationship progresses – value: of your similarities, how you spend your time, your worldview, then later when you form a household – the role: become important, how you see running the household vs. how your partner sees it and how those combineb. People select each other in a kind of marketplace of relationshipsc. Halo effect: the assumption that good-looking people possess more desirable social characteristics than unattractive people i.