COMM 305 1st Edition Lecture 5 Outline of Last Lecture I SPT in Practice Small Talk cont II Building on SPT Relational Dialects III Developing Relationships Let s Get Complicated IV Relational Dialects Outline of Current Lecture I Relational Contradictions II Praxis Patterns Current Lecture Relational Contradictions o Internal Dialectics Within the relationship Homer and Marge Connection Autonomy Being a couple yet being individuals So fundamental that some scholars see it as the dialectic Notice that SPT says that people will want more closeness no matter what It s linear meaning you re moving more and more to closeness Relational dialectics argues that there is still a connection between the two Certainty Uncertainty We want certainty we want to be able to count on and predict the behavior of our partner yet we want uncertainty we want newness Openness Closedness When we want to share things with our partner In SPT to move a relationship forward disclosure is the key Disclosure becomes more frequent and intimate But here we have an acknowledgement that sometimes we tell our partner sometimes we don t o External Dialectics between the relationship and the community Inclusion Seclusion These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute The need to both involve those outside the relationship but also be apart from others in the relationship Ex a friend falling in love and you don t see them for a long time Conventionality Uniqueness Judged by the predictability of the relational partners You want your relationship to look like other relationships conventional but we want our relationships to be unique and unlike any other relationship out there Revelation Concealment What you re going to share outside of the relationship and what you want to keep only between the two of you o Internal and external terms all depend on the boundaries you set o A change in one dialectic can change another in consequence Praxis Patterns o Denial responding to one aspect of the dialects while completely ignoring the other No recognition that this is temporary o Disorientation instead of denying the tensions the relational partners are overwhelmed by them These two above are inherently dysfunctional o Spiraling inversion involves making a choice of one aspect of a dialectic over another over time EX exclusion inclusion this weekend we re going to stay in with each other next week we ll go out with our friends o Segmentation involves making a choice of one aspect of a dialectic over another based on topic or situation Ex Revelation Concealment for certain topics we can reveal things for other topics we won t reveal anything o Balance effort to try and choose both aspects of a dialectic It s a compromise approach trying to do both at once Can be problematic because in trying to do both at the same time you may end up doing neither well you do both poorly o Integration neither aspect of the dialectic is diluted in any way balance that works Difficult because tensions and dialectics are inherently contradictory it s hard to find a way to negotiate these contradictions Ex Certainty Uncertainty every Friday night we re going to do something new that we ve never done before You re certain because it s every week but you don t know what you ll be doing o Recalibration temporarily reframing a situation so the dialectics don t seem in contradiction anymore mental gymnastics Ex Mother and Father going on random drives Dad likes it mom doesn t mom recalibrates that it s just dad s way of adding something interesting to the existing relationship o Reaffirmation A type of metacommunication Acknowledgement by those involved that the dialectic exists Requires some degree of awareness Not necessarily mutually exclusive Relational Dialectics Theory is trying to give you a set of ideas to ask the right questions