COMM 305 1st Edition Lecture 4 Outline of Last Lecture I Key Theoretical Assumptions cont II Key Communication Assumptions III Initiating and Developing Relationships IV Social Penetration Theory SPT V SPT in Practice Small Talk Outline of Current Lecture I SPT in Practice Small Talk cont II Building on SPT Relational Dialects III Developing Relationships Let s Get Complicated IV Relational Dialects Current Lecture SPT in Practice Small Talk o Paradox of Small Talk Thinking Exercise Synonyms of small talk Chit chat filler talk table talk chatting gabbing bullshitting shooting the shit visiting chewing the fat etc What do you notice about them None of them are really positive in connotation and they re short natured in time We don t value small talk very much Even though it s not valued it s ubiquitous Study of trivial talk There are 2 clusters of small talk 2 3 of our time communicating is done with trivial talk As relationships grow closer small talk becomes more intimate o Importance of Small Talk Small talk is essential for relationship building It s like laying the groundwork for conversations we could later have in more depth Not as important in romantic relationships Very important in job interviews These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute Phatic communication it s only task is to perform a social function It s talk for talk s sake what you say may not be as important as the fact that you re talking o Recommendations based on SPT Sex and the City example Charlotte didn t do well with small talk she didn t allow for parallel talk she rambled she didn t choose safe talk And the person Charlotte was talking to didn t look comfortable she had charlotte backed up on a wall so she couldn t get away and she jumped into a person topic rather than casual chat Increase topic intimacy gradually The most useful things to know about a person usually isn t the stuff you learn during small talk Give and use free information Show interest in the other person Show interest by using nonverbal properly head nods eye contact etc and small verbal communications uh huh ok yea etc Share the floor don t take up all the time talking Study showed that the person usually talking the most was described as outgoing but dominating while the person talking little was seen as submissive and unintelligent Follow the rules at least initially Imagine yourself as a host trying to help the other person with their small talk Building on SPT Relational Dialects o Based on theory and research based of developing relationships o There are 2 critical points of criticism The rational actor criticism focuses on the motivational force in SPT It s a critique of the idea that in relationships we are rational analysis of the costs and benefits of relationships The theory is too linear focuses on the other question how relationships develop by giving you a staged model Remember in SPT there is no jumping around in SPT so it makes sense that it is very linear Relational Dialects Theory all of the below Developing Relationships Let s Get Complicated Relational Dialects conceives of the relationship as the ongoing negotiation of those tensions of those dialectics o Dialectics The relationship is the tension An inherent tension in the relationship 2 or more ideals that are in conflict with each other o Internal and External Dialects Think about 3 things Dialectics are pairs or sets of ideals that are contradictory In relationships we are managing tensions between these ideas they are never resolved We accomplish this negotiation through communication called praxis o Praxis Communicative Mechanisms