Dating Mate Selection 03 05 2015 1 Dating A Only started in the US in the 1900s B To find marriage partner but also other reasons such as family purposes intimacy companionship etc C Types 1 Traditional dating guy asks the girl picks her up makes the plans pays for everything a cultural variations i bat bar mitzvah ii quinceanera 2 Contemporary dating a hanging out or getting together in groups b hooking up casual sex but varies how sexual it is no strings attached i friends with benefits c stay overs stay 3 or more nights together but they have their separate homes 3 Traditional contemporary dating a prom and homecoming b dinner dates D Most people meet their spouse through friends family school work etc E Why we make our mate choices 1 filter theory we gradually filter out potential partners a filters i homogamy dating or marrying someone with similar social traits ii propinquity lives nearby iii physical appearance certain attractions we have physically iv ethnicity race we tend to marry within our own race ethnicity v social class we tend to marry within social class vi religion marry within religion vii age US men are typically older than women viii similar values 2 heterogamy dating marrying someone who is different than you age race religion etc a social class i hyper gamy marrying up in social class ii hypo gamy marrying down in social class b interfaith relationships religion is less influential than race and ethnicity in who we marry c interracial ethnic relationships 8 of US marriages i African American women are more likely to experience marriage crunch fewer potential mates ii Interdaters dating someone from a different racial or ethnic group black women Asian men have lower intermarriage rates 3 social exchange theory we pick a partner who gives us the fewest costs and most rewards 4 equity theory relationship is happy and lasts if both partners see it as equitable II Global view of mate selection A factors that come into play 1 wealth i dowry money or property the bridge brings to marriage ii bride price money or property the male pays to the bride 2 age 3 heterogamy some countries marry people from other countries because of financial needs 4 homogamy some countries marry relatives B arranged marriage C India China shortage of single women Singlehood 03 05 2015 High number of singles in the US highest we have ever have A many people postpone their marriage for women about 26 6 for men about 28 6 B types of singles if not married you are considered single 1 voluntary temporary choose their single status but for them it is only temporary 2 voluntary stable choosing to be single whether it s never getting married or never getting remarried after being divorced 3 involuntary temporary wants to be married and they are actively seeking a mate 4 involuntary stable would like to be married but for some reason it doesn t happen for them C later life singles 1 double standard of aging women are seen as old before men are D who s living alone more than 1 in 4 live alone 1 women more than men 2 whites more than others E Why more singles now some macro level factors 1 war 2 reproductive technology 3 recession unemployment 4 not as much stigma now if you are single demographic influences 1 sex ratio proportion of men to women 2 female infanticide killing baby girls because some societies value males more 3 higher education more likely they are to marry F Racial and ethnic singles 1 African Americans group most likely to be single especially African American women 2 Latinos rates of singles is increasing 3 Asian Americans lowest rate of singlehood G Cohabitation 1 increase in rates 2 types dating cohabitation no long term commitment happens gradually most likely to break up lots of serial cohabitation continues with other people premarital cohabitation plan to marry live together not at any greater risk for divorce trial marriage see what marriage would be like substitute marriage live together with a long term commitment but no legal marriage license don t feel the need 3 most are short lived either get married or break up H Age of cohabiters 1 1 3 under 30 years old 2 1 3 are 30 44 3 Latinas have the highest rates then whites 4 lower income and education higher rates of cohabitation Does cohabitation lead to better marriage 1 no evidence of this 2 not at a greater risk for divorce if there is marital commitment prior to cohabiting 3 if serial cohabiter 141 more likely to divorce than if you only cohabited with the person you married 4 not ideal for kids cohabitation is illegal in 3 states Gay lesbian couples a tend to have equal power in their relationships b same sex marriage now legal in most states 37 c Defense of marriage act DOMA states that don t have to recognize same sex marriages from other states 1st time ever most Americans support same sex marriage Civil unions some of the same benefits of marriages Ex Tax breaks health benefits etc Marriage Committed Relationships 03 05 2015 I decline in marriage rates in US A marriage rates vary by race B people who have a college education have higher marriage rates than whose with a lower education C decline in marriage due to 1 recessions 2 cohabitation and non marital births are accepted more than before 3 more women then before who can support themselves 4 primary goal is education and start career before marriage D pre nup agreement legal agreement about children division of property etc if divorce later II types of heterosexual marriages in US 1 conflict habituated marriage argue a lot usually over little things but they think it is normal 2 devitalized used to be deeply in love but no longer are 3 passive congenial more focused on practical aspects of marriage than on emotional love parts 4 vital spend a lot of time together but sometimes they do their own thing but have a strong loving relationship get over arguments quickly 5 total together pretty much all the time mutual friends very loving III same sex marriage 1 lesbians are more likely to marry than gay men 2 little research on same sex marriages because it has recently become legal IV marital happiness difference between marital satisfaction and marital stability 1 marital satisfaction is how happy you are with your marriage 2 marital stability is if you are still together and if you consider divorce B Factors that lead to a successful marriage 1 compatibility 2 flexibility 3 positive attitudes towards one another 4 communication and conflict resolution 5