CH 13 Love and Relationships Who are we attracted to and why What makes for a satisfying and stable relationship What kinds of love tend to last and what kinds of love tend to fade quickly Marriage in America o Belief 70 single happy marriage 0 divorce o Reality 50 divorce 60 separation 33 single happy marriage Young marriages worse highest divorce rate women married before 22 men before 24 Attraction o Similarity o Proximity like people who are nearest to us Mere exposure begin to like things that we are exposed to repeatedly appearance personality ethnicity religion poli attitudes interests pair w people who are similar in age edu econ status phys very important for first impressions Attractive Characteristics o Physical Attractiveness Facial metrics o Women large eyes prominent cheekbones narrow cheeks small chin small nose o Men large eyes prominent cheekbones broad jaw broad forehead Ex snow white Ex Prince Charming Averaged faces People seem to prefer faces that are subtly morphed with their own face Physical Arousal Attraction o Dutton Aron Experiment 1 50 High Arousal wobbly bridge vs 13 Low Arousal sturdy bridge Experiment 2 65 High Arousal immediately after crossing wobbly bridge vs 30 Low Arousal after 10 min rest after crossing wobbly bridge Cross cultural Context o Most societies throughout most of history Family parents decision intended for producing raising kids o Modern West Individualism ultimate individual choice Sexual emotional gratification Children optional o Modern myth of true love true love marry marry true love right person true love forever o Companionate affection we feel for those w whom our lives are deeply Love intertwined emotional intimacy NOT physiological arousal pain anxiety and relief altruism and jealousy coexist in a confusion of feelings usually at beginning of a relationship Get hit with Cupid s Arrow fall in love w first person you see o Passionate wildly emotional state in which tender and sexual feelings elation and Cupid o Your GENES TAKING OVER o Falling in love is a trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage reproduction to pass on genes M Scott Peck The Road Less Traveled o Gene s top priority REPLICATION o Wild emotions passions of new love last months o Passionate love last about as long as it takes a woman to get pregnant takes 3 months to get over 50 chance of conceiving Myth of true love love at first sight happily ever after jumps up high then decreases Short run C starts low and slowly increases vs P jumps up high then rapidly fluctuates just a bit and stays constant high toward low danger points Long run C starts low and increases vs P jumps up high and then low quickly then Bad Advice fluctuates at low Companionate vs Passionate o C love more stable over time o Stronger C love in first 2 yrs of marriage longer more satisfying marriages o Marry young o Marry someone who is very different from yourself o Commit to marriage while in passionate love o Have a child quickly o Use P love wisely drug o Don t make stupid decisions when you re high on P love o When passion dies down is there companionship o Look at how you fight argue Good Advice Quantity of conflict IS NOT very important How you work conflict out IS very important Signs of respect love and humor GOOD Signs of contempt disgust BAD
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