10 28 31 Chapter 4 Love Intimacy and sexual communication Attraction comes before love Exam 4 Before attraction we have field of eligibles we apply to romantic partners These are your potential romantic partners o Age gender cultural background ethnicity political views ideology body type characteristics religion education level job location personality sense of humor Factors in attraction o Good mood If you are grouchy and want to find a date that is not a good time to look o Small talk things can enhance attraction or dehance the attraction between two people Disclosure talking to someone in field of eligible who is very short with you and not giving you any personal info This sends you the message they are not interested Low levels of self disclosure indicate to the other person no thanks If someone is tellng you right away what is going on too rapid of disclosure then you are not that interested There is a gender difference in disclosure Women tend to be higher in levels of self disclosure and present themselves as more empathic Men and women do not actually differ in levels of empathy but people who lean more to the feminine end present themselves this way People who lean to the masculine end disclose much less Meeting online vs face to face rules are slightly different When you meet face to face don t disclose too much but also don t disclose nothing When you meet on the internet much more acceptable to disclose more personal info on the internet same amount face to face would be considered too much Disclosure is based on comfort with the person Phyiscal Attractiveness o The beautiful is better bias attractive children more popular and rated higher by teachers Attractive applicants are more likely to get the job Attractive people are found guilty less often and when they are they tend to get more lenient sentences from the judge o Where do we get our standards of beauty interaction with media o Effects of media on body image and relationships Videos saying you must be pretty wear makeup exercise a lot From a wide variety or faces and words At the end you wont have a real woman Cultural ideals are unattainable but we continue to show them to both men and women Barbie doll controversy she would have to be 6 8 and weigh 110 pounds and have a 15 in waist and 42 in bust actually could not exist in nature Real women don t look how they did before they had a baby just 2 weeks after unattainable Media Messages look at magazines written for women and for men o Men are self centered simplistic pushy thickheaded stubborn good for taking out garbage but not for thinking about complex things o Women cant be bossy must give guys space fight urge to push for commitment meet man s needs o Lots of articles on sex but little discussion of individual sexual pleasure how woman can meet mens sexual needs without appearing slutty o Cant appear slutty but cant appear cold need to learn to be sexually interested and good at it without appearing slutty o Womens job to figure out what she needs to do to meet then mans needs o Women who read magazines believe men are driven by sexual urges and fearful of commitment and need to be ore attractive to hold a mans interest o We tend to view media as a reflection as how things are rather than something that somebody constructed We say to ourselves men are like this and women are like this but this does not actually make it true The Matching Hypothesis we believe people should match because in the vast majority of cases people do match We pair up with people that match us in lots of ways What s in a name we are so shallow People with beautiful names get rated to be more attractive than not beautiful names o Gertrude Ethel Harriet disliked o Happy Jennifer Christine liked a lot Proximity effect mere exposure effect if im around you a lot I have more opportunity to get to know you so other things in attraction can take place Do opposites attract not so much Reciprocity of attraction If I like you a lot you are more likely to like me a lot When someone likes us back it makes us like them more 10 30 13 involved Flirting behaviors that are done to signal interest in the other person Not just a human behavior animals flirt too monkeys look at my genitals don t they look nice Animal flirting video finding a stick At first she danced then she didn t flirting behavior of blue footed boobies 5 steps in Flirting 1 Approach the initial contact in male female couples it usually begins with a look from the women to the man and the man slowly begins moving closer and closer to the women 2 Talk small talk occurs in this stage 3 Swivel and turn couple may start out in whatever original position and gradually end up side by side and toward each other facing each other Very gradual Will shift until fully face to face 4 Touch female touches first Often subtle or accidental at first May pick imaginary piece of lint of shirt If he says something witty she may touch his hand The touch is then reciprocated For lint picking off oh thank you Smile or something as well 5 Synchronization may nod and smile at same time pick up glass at same time etc but it is very hard to fake Happens natural spontaneous and they probably don t know they are doing it Very difficult to do if you put conscious thought in it Very universal flirting behaviors across cultures All follow same patterns Men Strong manly chest may lean back and push chest out may put chin in air emphasized jaw line may have more bigger gesturing trustworthy Women tend to send messages of interest interested in you over all other people good at intimacy and production prolonged gazing lip licking twirling hair tossing head neck exposure Both men and women smiling and laughing very reliable set of behaviors Orientation differences Much more flexible about who does which behavior No differences though How I met your mother opportunity to kiss women three or four times in same show and he doesn t do it Clear that idea is his job next nobody kissed him but everyone yells at him Hetero mans job to move next after synchronization Non hetero someone has to make next move more flexible Sexual Desire many species only sexually receptive during estrus not Multiple cats can estruate in one menstrual cycle Cats ovulation is triggered by sex Doesn t drop eggs until semen is humans present Did you know testosterone is important for sexual desire in humans but Probably plays important role in experiencing desire at all but beyond that isn t