1 Page Number 1 Rachel Jermansky March 25 2014 Sex Relationships and Communication COMM 1131 01 CRN 36714 Living in the Middle Performances of Bi Men John T Warren and Nicholas A Zoffel 1 The positionality of the authors a Bisexual in a relationship w a woman 13 years together b Bi curious man planning wedding 4 year partnership c Both interested in tracing lines of own positions w in competing desires grand narratives and markings across our bodies 2 Middle space a Liminal space betwixt and between neither here nor there not in or out b A space of transition threshold from one point to another c A space to pass through a period and an ambiguity a sort of social limbo which has few of the attributes of attributes of either the proceeding or subsequent profane social statuses or cultural states d A door frame a threshold e A nowhere f Not a place one would choose to stay within if one had the choice 3 Liminality a space where things seem to have been turned upside down a Where people play with the elements of the familiar ad defamiliarize them b Novelty emerges from unprecedented combination of familiar elements c A space of transition d Also a space of tension of flux in the middle 4 The hyphen the hyphen performs it is never neutral or natural Indeed by performing the mid point b w conflicting categories hyphens occupy impossible positions a No ever escapes hyphenation impossible positions b This metaphor i e the hyphen that impossible space located within and between often contradictory images or locations captures the uneasy space of the middle the focal point where competing desires play out their magic 5 Chapter is about middles hyphens living in the liminal a A dialogic performance an engagement that is more like a hyphen than a period How are dialogues more like a hyphen than a period b An aesthetic essay balancing voices and experiences examining how meaning can get made through auto ethnographic exploration of lived experience c A poetic approach offering a more nuanced account in keeping w the spirit of the performative event itself d The poetic gets at the selves in the impossibility of the middle tensions b w binaries so carefully and powerfully woven into our consciousness e Questions should be answered in the poetic in the textual construction of and the thoughtful reflection about the lived experiences of ourselves f To get at the truth of our experiences i Where betrayal consists in not writing about our experiences 6 Thus these bi tales of experience of the middle the liminal the hyphen 2 a Often sad representing pressure denial and loss b Stem from hurt containing anger pain c About not belonging not getting one s due not being able to claim one s space at the d BUT these stories add up a collage of experience sketch out a performance of the bisexual the figure torn b w poles of sexuality e The performance of which we write is simply often never enough never legitimate table never real i In effect because of the way we do sex do the body and do gender we create for some only the liminal only the doorway only the transition b w more permanent grounds 1 The mark of that tension lives in our bodies the everyday performances Caught 1 Are you gay too a Student visits multiple times w multiple questions always one more until i Can I ask you a question Closing the door ii Are you gay too iii I feel caught in the moment caught in the complexities of the question caught in the space between the fluidity of desire and the fear of authenticity the question begs Caught I feel caught 1 Tension b w ascertaining his needs meeting own needs and recognizing and negotiating the positions of both own and student needs 2 Well not exactly I reply 3 Oh no offense its just that we thought my friends and I thought we heard you slip up 4 I opt for the truth I identify bi but currently partnered with a woman a The ambiguity of my performance is strategic the question the desire to know is b Sexuality is often more complex than a single yes or no an either or a this and not important pedagogical work that c The slippage is exactly the point i The place for reflection ii The moment of paradox that tells us of the power of these identities 5 Repair work I won t tell anyone I was just curious I won t tell anyone a I tell him I m not keeping any secrets not worried about who knows 6 I don t tell many people that I am bi a Makes me uncomfortable b c I feel like I am assuming a risky identity which requires no risks I get the privilege of really being married of really being with a woman in public of really appearing in every context in every moment as straight not queer 7 I question whether it is politically sound for me to remain silent to not voice my own queer location a Seems I am saying I m queer I m not straight is to bank on the exoticness an almost chicness of the identity w out having to walk that line b I worry that my own privilege only strengthens heteronormativity only renders down my own identity as tool for those who insist that homosexual thoughts are normal but acting on them is the sin I worry that who I am hurts a cause I have a stake in more than it helps c 3 Coming Out While Staying In the fantasy het tale 1 the fantasy queer tale 2 junior year in college sexual self discovery tale 3 a metaphor of walking around the college b counseling center visit i must choose one or other reinforcing the heteronormative binary c threw self into heterosexuality a response of bi sexuality i ii think of sexuality as a balance living in the fluid space of competing weights 1 not maximize or minimize my feelings toward either sex but to reflect and grow on those feelings 4 actively pursued people relationships who were trying to achieve an experiential balance similar to mine sought others to discuss issues complicated issues a b more rewarding and more difficult c my ability to be frank with my own closet my own tensions created fear of being silenced escape i do not seek tolerance want to struggle in the face of others not looking for escape brings temporary catharsis but quiet may just reseal my own closet door 5 The fantasy possibility tale Question of the Day 1 ritual non political get everyone talking remind me of their names question 2 Visiting teacher turned question political what of the gay high school in NYC 3 Questioned heteronormativity of the classroom 4 Questioned silence of instructor to create the opportunity room for violence for cruelty to breed 5 Responses a This is