General Psychology Lecture notes for Friday November 30 2012 List and define the 3 components of love according to Sternberg Most agree love is more than a lot of liking So what is it Sternberg examines 3 components of relationships He states that all relationships consist of varying amounts of these three components passion motivational force intensity desire sexual chemistry intimacy emotional component closeness warmth sharing commitment cognitive component decisions to stay or not Different combinations create different types of relationships there are 8 possible you only need to know the following 3 for class Can you distinguish between romantic love companionate love and consummate love Romantic passion and intimacy many dating relationships before commitment Companionate intimacy and commitment many marriages after the passion fades close friendships Consummate All 3 passion intimacy and commitment what many Americans strive for in love Relationships can change types over time as the various amounts of the components grow and fade What determines satisfaction in a relationship in this model of love which relationships are happiest The happiest relationships are the ones where both people are getting what they want from the relationship problems occur when one part of the couple wants something different than the other So there is not a happiest type it is a happiest situation We are pretty optimistic about Love What of people marry Greater than 90 What divorce About 40 45 What remarry are willing to try again 75 average about 4 years later What are some of the most common reasons given for divorce Both men and women list incompatibility basic unhappiness communication problems Women more likely than men to report infidelity by partner substance abuse by partner emotional abuse and or physical abuse Can you predict divorce with any accuracy what might be the one exception to this No although we know some risk factors for divorce like age differences parents divorced etc the relationship is not that strong and there are many exceptions The only possible good predictor of divorce right now is contempt feelings of disgust and superiority when you see that a marriage is generally in trouble In terms of communication problems it has been noted that often it is not communication skills that are lacking in couples but a motivation to use them As a result John Gottman and many other therapists look for evidence of disrupted emotions in a relationship then they work on building back in the positive ones Once the emotions are fixed they find that he communication tends to fix itself In addition they note that it is not how much couples fight that determines a couple s happiness but how they fight that matters contempt disgust and personal insults should raise concerns respect love and appreciation are protective even if arguing What factors do we believe have contributed to the higher divorce rate now compared to 40 years ago Less stigma more religious acceptance women have more financial options legal barriers reduced it is easier to get one now possibly more self focus by people smaller family size makes it easier Are divorce rates higher or lower for second marriages and why might this be Divorce rates higher for second marriages Why It may not be that all these marriages are less happy than first marriages It may be just that you have a pool of individuals who have already shown they will act when unhappy it also may be these marriages are tougher because they often involve kids and other issues from the first marriage it may also be that at least some that get divorced have insecure attachment histories making relationships more difficult for them across the board What do we know about the kids from families that have experienced divorce What types of symptoms might be seen and how long until most are doing well again About of divorces involve kids Divorce associated with increased problems for kids What is seen Varied Really anything Fortunately most 75 doing well 2 3 years later depression anxiety sleep issues attention problems aggression bed wetting angry etc Level of functioning before the divorce matters Those doing better before the divorce more likely to come through the divorce more easily If divorce is hard on kids should you stay married NO Bad marriages bad too for kids and adults What else is likely to be happening in divorcing families that may be contributing to the difficulties some of these kids have Things besides the divorce but associated with divorce that could be real cause of difficulties life change stress divorce involves a lot of change decreased standard of living 25 or more it costs more to maintain two houses instead of one decrease quality of parenting temporary hopefully But it is difficult to be a sensitive parent when the parent is also adjusting to the changes and all the adult issues that go along with divorce anger sadness fears finances legal issues etc continued conflict HOSTILITY If present very bad for kids visits with one parent often decrease over time step family adjustments can be difficult 1 3 experience sometimes the addition of the step family stabilizes things and makes things better Support groups and Counseling can be beneficial
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