The End of Absence Reclaiming what we ve lost by Michael Harris Prologue This can show you everything o 1996 Malaysia o Settlement called Batu Lima Deep in forests of Eastern Malaysia One room houses abandoned or dismantled One family left Siandim Gunda Jimi Sinting 12 kids Linda 14yo ready to leave o Family s house Box w B W TV in it no electricity only special occasions Dad would take battery that powered TV charge it She d watch Sesame Street o Learned from it o All kids had colored TV except theirs o Baffling but family believed in spirts ghosts Grandma Sukat wielded the koburongoh Never touched it bc feared angering spirits getting sick Tight bundle of teeth fm several animals knotted together w a collection of small bones Had access to spirit of an ancestor called for help when attempting to heal members of the Dusun tribe Linda watched her do magic on a 5yo w a fever spirit asked for a sacrifice chicken or cups of rice Healing power supposed to be passed to Linda s mom but Sukat died early mom converted to Catholic Family moved to town left Sukat s equip behind o Linda wanted more 18 ran away moved to Sabah worked KFC Less than Am pay saved up for a phone Wanted badly to enter the modern world Worked Little Italy restaurant which had lots of tourists so she can pract Engl Nate asked her to come live in Vancouver It was a letdown to her bc she thought all cities looked like Sesame St When she returned brought a laptop to mom s home patched internet introduced her mom to Google can show you everything Mom asked to her mother in the afterlife Chapter 1 This Kills That o Nobody will remember life before the internet Online techs have become a foundational myth natural unnoticed Future will be so immersed in the internet that questions about its basic purpose or meaning will have faded Connected but Alone By Sherry Turkle Got a text from her daughter getting a hug She embodies the central paradox o Loves getting a text but too many could be prob Story 1996 first TED talk o Wrote a book celebrating life on the interent daughter was there o In these days experiment w online communities exploring diff aspects of outselves o Then unplugged excited her was the idea that we would use what we learned in the virtual world about ourselves identity to live better lives in real world o 2012 Daughter s 20 college student sleeps w phone Wrote a book but not going to be on wired magazine Letting tech take us places we don t want to go Studied techs of mobile communication interviewed ppl about their plugged in lives Little devices change what we do who we are Ex ppl are on phones during meetings classes presentations Important new skill of making eye contact while texting Are together but not together Even text funerals Why does it matter o Bc were setting ourselves up for trouble In how we relate to each other In how we relate to ourselves Our capacity for self reflection o Getting used to a new way being ALONE TOGETHER Ppl want to be together but also elsewhere Ppl want to customize their lives o The thing that matters most to them is control over where they put their attn Ex 50 yr old man feels he doesn t have colleagues where he works He doesn t talk to anybody bc he doesn t want to interrupt them Actually he doesn t want to be interrupeted o Across generations ppl cant get enough of each other Goldilocks effect o Have ea other a distance in amts they can control o Not too close not too far just right o just right diff among age groups o Ex 18yo boy wishes to learn how to have a conversation What s wrong w having a convo o Takes place in real time o Cant control what you re going to say o We get to edit we can delete we can retouch Human relationships o Rich messy demanding o Clean them up with technology 1 thing that can happen sacrifice convo for mere cnxn o o o o o short change ourselves seem to forget or stop caring Stephen Colbert asks if all tweets online add up to one big convo NO Connecting in sips may work for gathering discrete bits of info They don t work for learning knowing understanding ea other We use convos w others to learn how to have convos w ourselves A flight fm convo can compromise our capacity for self reflection For kids growing up skill is the bedrock of development Ppl so used to getting by w less that they ve become almost willing to dispense w ppl together Ex some ppl wish an adv Siri will be more like a BFF Painful truth feeling that no one is listening is very important in our relat w tech That s why we appeal to having a fb twitter automatic listeners Makes us want to spend time w machine that cares about us Developing social robots Designed to be companions Brought them into a nursing home Woman who lost a child was talking to robot shaped like a baby seal comforted her Many found it amazing We re vulnerable Ppl experience pretend empath as if it were the real thing Thinking robot cant empathize doesn t know life Found it most wrenching complicated moments We expect more fm tech less fm each other Tech appeals to us where we are most vulnerable We re afraid of intimacy Designing techs that ll give us the illusion of companionship w p demands of friendship Turn to tech to help us feel connected in ways we can comfortably control We are not comfortable or in control tho Phones are changing mind hearts bc they offer 3 gratifying fantasies o We can put our attn were we want it to be o We will always be heard o We will never be alone Central to changing our psyches Being alone Feels like a prob that needs to be solved Try to solve it by connecting Cnxn is more like a symptom than a cure Expresses but doesn t solve a prob Constant cnxn is changing the way ppl think of themselves Shaping a new way of being I share therefore I am Problem if we don t have cnxn don t feel ourselves So we connext more but setting up ourselves to be isolated End up isolated if don t cultivate the capacity for solitude ability to separate to gather yourself Solitude is where you find yourself so you can reach out to others form real attachments When we don t have capacity for this we turn to others to feel less anxious to feel alive Not able to appreciate them o Using em as spare parts to support fragile sense of self Slip into thinking always being connected less alone Risk not able to be alone going to be more lonely those who make the most of …