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First test question
This class is : Communication (not communicationS)
First rule of communication
know your audience!
Conflict
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
Conflict is
1. Transactional - you are influencing the conflict 2. Shaped by perception - not a real conflict (pseudo conflict) 3. Rooted in views of goals and resources 4. Inevitable 5. Is not fundamentally negative
First Big Fights (FBFs)
thesis: if you haven't had a FBF then it means you are not that close to one another, turning point in relationships, can set the mood for the rest of the relationship
conflict resolution can set...
precedents
Thematic conflict
what you keep fighting about in the relationship
Chilling effect
when you withhold expressing conflict because you are scared of how the other person will react
Cumulative annoyance
avoid a little thing that annoys you, little problems build up and cause a bigger conflict
Conditioning partner
you get treated how you allow people to treat you
★ Gottman's Conflict Tips ★
1. Edit yourself- be careful about what you say 2. Soften your "start up"- start a conflict gently and without blame 3. Accept influence 4. Have high standards 5. Learn to repair and exit argument- words that are said cannot be unsaid so exit the argument before anything major is sai…
★Gottman's "four horsemen" ★
1. Criticism- first sign, negative complaints about people's personality or character instead of behavior 2. Defensiveness- seeing yourself as a victim and denying responsibility for your behaviors 3. Stonewalling- shutting down everything- no talking, no interaction at all (example- wh…
Interpersonal competence
involves understanding what is competent and then translating that knowledge into skills
competence factors
Appropriateness Effectiveness Ethics
Expressive messages
express my own thoughts and feelings
Conventional messages
most common worst way to go about things, a "do it or else" method, #1 goal is effectiveness
Rhetorical Messages
how you communicate creates the situation. Address situations in neutral and non-judgmental way, Openly express empathy in both perspective taking and emphatic concern, offer specific workable solutions, open door to negotiation
Online communication competence
1. Match message gravity to medium - some things should not be done via text, efficiency is not always best 2. Online isn't always more efficient - not just gravity, some things are more efficiently done offline 3. Know the code - All CAPS mean something, don't use something unless you …
Nature of Intimate relationships
1. Require deep commitment 2. Foster Interdependence 3. Require Continuous Investment ( time and effort) 4. Spark dialectical tensions
★ Dialectical Tensions ★
1. Autonomy vs. Connection 2. Predictability vs. Novelty 3. Openness vs. Closedness
★ Covert Violations of Conversation Principle ★
1. Quantity - telling the truth but leaving bits out, omission. 2. Quality - bold face lies, making things up 3. Manner 4. Relevance - changing the subject
Motivation Impairment Theory
The more important the lie is to the person the more chance that it will be discovered.
Advantages of small groups
1. provide resources 2. experience synergy - example Banas gave was when the Pistons (basketball team) playing together to beat MJ 3. expose us to diversity
Reducing social loafing
1. Name names - ex) ""name" can you do this", specific person for the task 2. Be specific about goals 3. Make consequences clear
Leadership and communication
Communication defines leadership. Matters most in a crisis

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