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CMN 230: Exam 3
Comforting strategies
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messages that have the goal of relieving or lessening the emotional distress of another person
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Three reasons why comforting is important
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1. physical & emotional health
2. relationship satisfaction increases
3. often done ineffectively (makes it worse or doesn't help at all) |
Person-centeredness
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the extent to which messages acknowledge and validate the feelings of the distressed person (the more the better)
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Four phases of comforting
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1. support activation: something happens to trigger the supportive episode. Identify the opportunity to comfort someone
2. support provision: offer the other person support. high/medium/low person-centered messages
3. target reaction: whether or not the comforting strategy was effective. how the person reacts
4. helper response: another opportunity to provide support by responding to the target reaction
(have to cycle though multiple times) |
Four guidelines for giving comfort effectively
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1. don't rely on diversions or advice
a. it's low person-centered
b. diversions aren't helpful because they are a short-term fix and makes it seem like you don't care
c. advice is very face threatening
2. focus on the other person, not yourself
a. don't say "that happened to me too"
b. doesn't focus on their emotions
c. your situation isn't that similar and makes the convo about you` |
Four guidelines for giving comfort effectively (cont.)
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3. stay neutral and seek information
a. avoid criticism and blame
b. don't judge them
c. makes them defensive and less open
4. buffer face threats as much as possible
a. provide compliments (positive face)
b. don't give advice (negative face)
c. ask them if they want advice |
Deception |
occurs when people deliberately use false, vague, or irrelevant messages for the purpose of misleading others
-verbal and nonverbal
-face to face and mediated
-purposeful |
Three motives for deception
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1. partner-focused: protecting your partners face. wanting to avoid hurting someone's feelings, don't want them to be upset or worry. viewed positively
2. self-focused: protecting your own face/image. avoid criticism or shield yourself from embarrassment/punishment. viewed very negatively. selfish.
3. relationship-focused: limit relational harm, avoid drama/conflict. can be beneficial but normally complicate things further. viewed negatively and positively. |
Three factors increasing the difficulty of deception detection
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1. absence of reliable indicators: stereotypes say certain things, but people are pretty good at hiding them.
2. behavioral control: people control their nervous/guilty behaviors
3. truth bias: we expect people to tell the truth. people enter conversations thinking the other person is telling the truth. give benefit of the doubt |
Four effects of deception
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1. incorrect decisions: use false information to make decisions. take the wrong course of action based on false info.
2. relationship damage: partner is disappointed/disillusioned by relationship
3. loss of trust: highly tied to relationship satisfaction, betraying trust=less satisfied
4. bystander ripple effect: can really harm 3rd party |
Identity |
an image of self that is shaped by interactions with others
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Four levels of identity
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1. personal (micro): identity that we build ourselves, our sense of our own characteristics. "me" level
2. enactment: construct our identity based on interactions with others. the way we respond to others and how they respond to us. ex: responsible
3. relationship: define ourselves in terms of our relationships with others. can be more or less salient (big or small impact). ex: friend, sister, girlfriend
4. communal (macro): the groups we belong to. ex: u of i student, sorority |
Three principles of identity management
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a. identity shapes how people behave. have to live up to our identity.
b. identity helps people interact feedback from others. changes the way we react/judge messages/interpret messages as consistent with our identity.
3. identity guides the relationships people develop. how you view yourself influences who your partner is. match with people similar to you. |
Self presentation
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process whereby individuals seek to control how others react to their appearance and behavior. goal directed
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Three reasons that CMC offers more self-presentational control
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1. asynchronous communication
2. editable communication
3. physical isolation (don't have to worry about nonverbal) |
Three guidelines for managing identity online
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1. maintain your privacy settings: pay attention to settings and how they vary for each platform
2. keep your audience in mind: all audiences are under one "friend" group, beware of their reactions (can separate)
3. your friends and followers matter: can enhance or harm the impressions you're trying to make |
Long-distance relationship
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relationship in which it would be difficult/impossible for partners to see each other on a frequent basis
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Eight internal and external stressors in LDRs
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Internal (in relationship)
1. high expectations by partner
2. higher relationship uncertainty
3. difficulty defining relationship
4. inequity
External (outside relationship)
5. increased financial burdens
6. difficulty maintaining simultaneous proximal relationship (ex. not spending time w/ face to face friends)
7. Less support from social network members
8. distance creates uncertainty (ex. looking @ their fb) |
Three principles of long-distance communication
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1. set an "end date" for being long-distance
a. less satisfying if they can't see the end
b. preliminary end dates help too
2. recognize that relationship maintenance will look different in your LDR than it does in face to face relationships
a. assurances = extremely important
3. choose your CMC channels wisely
a. ex. bad to break up over text
b. media richness theory: CMC channels can be ordered on richness i. lowest=texting ii. highest=face to face iii. match richness to convo topic |
Jealousy
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occurs in response to a real or imagined threat to a valued relationship
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Sex differences in jealousy
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men= physical infidelity
women= emotional infidelity |
Four reasons that people cheat
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1. relationship dissatisfaction
2. boredom/need for excitement
3. sexual incompatibility
4. seek revenge |
Four types of partner violence
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1. Intimate terrorism: one person is violent and controlling. the other is neither.
2. Violent resistance: one person is violent and controlling. the other is violent, but not controlling. want violence to stop.
3. Situational couple violence: both violent, but not controlling. anger management issue, can be an episode or over time.
4. Mutual violence control: both are violent and controlling. |
purpose of the power and control wheel
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relationship between violence, power, and control
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Six communication behaviors that are signs of relationship problems
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1. fewer references to the future
2. more conflict (more direct and hurtful)
3. less self-disclosure (one word answers)
4. less relationship maintenance
5. more physical distance
6. less eye contact |
Four phases of deciding to end a relationship
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1. intrapsychic decision phase: privately evaluate our partner's qualities/behaviors. weigh rewards/costs of relationships.
2. dyadic decision phase: people talk about it with their partner. rights, arguments, and long discussion. can still decide to stay together.
3. social decision phase: start talking to friends and family about the relationship. try to save face by making partner look bad. they try to keep you in relationship or get you to end it.
4. grave-dressing decision phase: public story of how the relationship ended. automated story. constructive or destructive- can they still be friends after? |
Four quadrants of strategies for relationship termination
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Avoidance- indirect & unilateral
Cost escalation- indirect & unilateral
Positivity- direct & unilateral
Threats- direct & unilateral
Fade away (drift apart)- indirect & bilateral
Blame- direct & bilateral
Negotiation (calm and rational)- direct & bilateral |
Three strategies for post-dissolution recovery
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1. express your emotions: tell someone why your relationship ended. vent your feelings - don't keep them bottled up inside.
2. figure out what happened: get to the root of the problem, insight why the relationship didn't work.
3. realize, don't idealize: don't just remember the good; focus on the negative. |
Three dimensions of workplace relationships
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1. Status: equality vs. inequality of relationships
2. Choice: willingly engage in relationships at work
3. Intimacy: closeness between coworkers |
Five functions of workplace friendships
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1. informational exchange: flows more freely between friends
2. improved performance: people with friends at work do a better job; friends weigh in on decisions and provide help. prompts loyalty
3. social support: more effective support for workplace issues
4. newcomer assimilation: friends help you learn the norms and customs of the organization
5. retention: having friends at work help you stay at work - less likely to look for a new job |
Three strategies for communicating effectively in the workplace |
1. self-disclose effectively: don't disclose something too private/personal. everything said/emailed is public. don't disclose to a new coworker.
2. be positive: more likely to be promoted. negative=less friends.
3. be a mentor and a protege: more likely to be promoted and have a better salary |
Three challenges of interpersonal communication with technology
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1. little accountability: anyone can post anything on the internet
2. flaming: when people exchange hostile/insulting comments. easier to do online
3. lack of privacy: can see your private messages/pictures |
Three opportunities of interpersonal communication with technology
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1. expanding social networks: easier to stay in touch and meet new people
2. instant accessibility: to people and information. get in touch easier and faster
3. gateway to information: way to access lots of information |
Three skills for effective interpersonal communication with technology
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1. write literally: choose your words carefully. concrete and precise language to avoid ambiguity (sending)
2. take a deep breath: think before sending something (sending)
3. listen beyond words: carefully consider that intent behind the message. pay attention to the message; don't be distracted (listening) |
Four ingredients for becoming an effective communicator
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1. knowledge: of partner, situation, and how to perform different kinds of messages
2. experiences: must practice your interpersonal communication skills
3. motivation: put skills into practice
4. attitudes: having a positive attitude is necessary |
Four standards for assessing interpersonal communication competence
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1. adaptability: people's ability to change their behaviors and goals to meet the needs of a situation. more well liked and more accepted. develop a tool belt of communicator behaviors.
2. effectiveness: person meets their goals for the interaction. works in conjunction with other standards.
3. appropriateness: behaving in ways that meet other people's expectations for behavior. socially acceptable behavior. balance appropriateness and effectiveness.
4. perspective-taking: the ability to understand your partner's POV. limits to how much you can take someone else's perspective |
Six dimensions of commitment
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1. future rewards
a. anticipate/forecast benefits of relationship into future
b. ex. money to pay bills, starting a family
2. identifying with the relationship and sharing values
a. accepting others values, attitudes, and beliefs
b. ex. love of dogs, sharing a religion
3. perceiving unattractive alternatives
a. better options in relationship than outside=more commitment to relationship
b. ex. would be low when you study abroad |
Six dimensions of commitment (cont.)
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4. willingness to exert effort
a. if it matters to us - more effort
b. ex. giving up time or money for your partner
5. investment amount
a. more investments=more commitment
b. ex. staying in a long-term marriage with children and memories
6. accepting personal responsibility for commitment
a. deciding to continue relationship because of free will=more commitment
b. feeling forced into a relationship because of living situation=less commitment |
Eight guidelines for providing criticism effectively
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1. start with a positive comment
2. focus on behavior, not the person (avoid blanket statements)
3. identify current costs/benefits to changing the problematic behavior
4. offer specific help
5. limit the number of critiques (2-3 or fewer)
6. give criticism promptly (don't do it in public though)
7. keep your nonverbal cues consistent with verbal cues
8. make it a dialogue (helps partner save face and helps you understand) |
Three reasons why relationships pass away
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1. a new intimate may enter the relationship scene. feel the same sense of commitment to the new relationship as they did to the old. entrance of a new intimate.
2. interaction distance (availability for interaction) may expand and, over time will cause a relationship to fade.
3. the normal processes of individual psychological and physical development over the course of the relationship may sap strength from the relationship |
Five reasons that lead to the sudden death of relationships
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1. partners have lost feelings of intimacy, but continue to act out their roles because certain ties make it difficult to sever the relationship. once these ties are loosened through the efforts of both persons, the relationship is quickly over, sometimes to the shock of people who know them.
2. one person wants to terminate the relationship and the other does not. as a result of the unevenness inherent to such a relationship and the knowledge that it is not working for oneself, the dissatisfied partner often decides to act unilaterally and swiftly, trying to avoid any prolongation attemps by other |
Five reasons that lead to the sudden death of relationships (cont.)
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3. relationships in which expectations for the rate of relationship development differ, which again prompts one person to lay the relationship to rest.
4. neither party wants to end the relationship, but due to some unforeseen event, a quick termination is precipitated.
5. if a sacred covenant is broken in a relationship, it dramatically increases the changes of sudden termination of the relationship. |
Ways that social cues and warranting principle shape self-presentation
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-social cues shape impressions by individuating a person. they reduce ambiguity and help shape positive perceptions.
-warranting principle: how other-generated descriptions are perceived as more truthful by observers than claims generated by the profile owner. judgements from other-generated information is more influential than judgement from self-generated information.
-self-presentations are generally positive |
Congruence of friend- and use-generated content and examples of each
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-a congruent condition is when other-generated information is also positive, and consistent with the object's self-presentation
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Relationship between CMC, relational satisfaction, and relational maintenance
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-relationship quality positively correlated with CMC self-disclosure
-relational satisfaction is also depended on which communication channels are most frequently used in long-distance communication. phone and internet were positively correlated with relationship satisfaction. facebook and twitter have unknown effects.
-long-distance dating relationships show high usage of positivity and openness from CMC
-use of maintenance strategies in CMC positively related to communication satisfaction
-CMC use promotes the use of relational maintenance strategies |
Five pairs of potentially destructive patterns of communication and examples of each
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1. Helpful-Critical Patterns
a. Helpful: insisting on giving help when the person does not need or request help, or when a person requests help, and the other person agrees to provide the help but does not deliver
b. Critical: raw negativity. if there is a chance of finding a flaw, it will be found and brought up. |
Five pairs of potentially destructive patterns of communication and examples of each (cont.)
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2. Active-Passive Patterns
a. Active: constantly seeking any interaction with anyone. a perceived lack of trust can develop, and the strategy elicits the opposite reaction from what was desired. even without the element of trust entering the picture, this extremely active style may cause others to recoil and withdraw
b. Passive: withdrawn, uninvolved, and introverted |
Five pairs of potentially destructive patterns of communication and examples of each (cont.)
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3. Aggressive-Evasive Patterns
a. Aggressive: straightforward, head-on orientation in which the aggressor takes full responsibility for his or her messages. hostility and control are the bywords for this pattern.
b. Evasive: tangents, misdirection, vagueness, and confusion. the sender often shrinks message responsibility |
Five pairs of potentially destructive patterns of communication and examples of each (cont.)
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4. Dominating-Submissive Patterns
a. Dominating: person who plays a constant game of winning and losing. person will try to become the primary source of important rewards and punishments, try to assert their expertise on a wide variety of topics and generally try to maintain control over resources that directly effect the relationship
b. Submissive: exaggeration of dependency, abdication of responsibility, and self-depreciating remarks characterize this communicative style. wanting to be led by others |
Five pairs of potentially destructive patterns of communication and examples of each (cont.)
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5. Certain-Provisional Patterns
a. Certain: know-it-alls. believe, or at least act as if they believe, that it is possible to know and say everything about something.
b. Provisional: person who expresses constant uncertainty and qualification. life, and the everyday decisions that need to be made, is so complex and unpredictable, the provisional person won't do or say anything 'for sure' |
Five factors that shape judgements of effective communication
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1. The specific situation or circumstances involved
2. The stage of the relationship under consideration
3. The life stage of the communicator
4, The time in history |
Four pathways to miscommunication
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1. the speaker's intent and the message do not correspond. ex. asking a serious question in a sarcastic tone.
2. the listener infers the wrong intent from the message even though the speaker encodes it properly
3. both the speaker and the listener make errors
4. both the speaker and the listener perform their task adequately and neither makes an error. this happens when partners have different rules or beliefs about communication |
Five principles for effective communication within relationships
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1. be both flexible and stubborn
2. talk openly about your feelings, attitudes, and opinions
3. respond to your partner in ways that show respect, value, and caring
4. attend to the important
5. work at the relationship, but remember to have fun |