1Chapter 5Changing Your ThinkingABC ModelABC Model—Albert Ellis Often we’re not assertive in a particular situation because our feelings and reactions to the behavior of the other interferes with our ability to think clearly and act assertively.  Most people mistakenly believe that A (the situation or person) directly causes C (the feelings or behaviors).  A—Activating Event Asking a person for a date ↓ ↓ Presumedly Leads Directly to ↓ ↓ C—Your Feelings and Feelings: Excessively  Behaviors in situation upset and anxiousBehaviors: Fidget, hesitate, be defensive, indirect, or not ask the other person for a date.2ABC Model (cont.) Something very important occurs between A and C that influences your feelings and behavior significantly: you think. You might think about:YourselfThe other personThe situation itself Sometimes you’re aware of your internal dialogue (thinking) and other times it happens so quickly and subtly that you’re mostly unaware of it.  ABC Model—Dr. Albert Ellis--REBT Activating Event Your Thinking Your Feelings/Behaviors A → → → → → → B → → → → → → → CRational vs. Irrational ThinkingRational Thinking vs. Irrational Thinking Rational thinking is:ReasonableSelf-enhancingLogicalAccurateRealistic Irrational thinking is:CatastrophicSelf-defeatingIllogicalInaccurateUnrealisticAbsolutistThe thinking at point B can be rational or irrational.3Rational Thinking vs. Irrational ThinkingCommon components of irrational thinking are the tendency to:1. Turn wants or preferences (including strong ones) into absolute, vital needs.2. Convince yourself that if the need isn’t met, it will be awful, terrible, catastrophic, unbearable, and the end of the world.3. Draw incorrect conclusions.4. Not consider the evidence.5. Automatically attribute negative motives to other people.6. Focus exclusively on self-deprecating thoughts.Rational Thinking vs. Irrational Thinking Most of us think irrationally some of the time.  It’s often a subtle process that ultimately leads either to nonassertive or aggressive behaviors.  Some of the consequences of inaccurate, irrational thinking are being likely to: Misperceive reality, Create unnecessary distance and conflict between ourselves and others, Prevent the accomplishment of our own goals, Experience more inner turmoil, sadness, or anger than we can manage, Avoid expressing opinions, feelings, and preferences, Avoid acting on many of our personal rights, or  Neglect to respect the rights of others. Rationalizations vs. Rational Thinking4Rationalizations vs. Rational Thinking Rationalizations are:Conning or convincing ourselves that we shouldn’t feel badly about things and that we should always focus more positively even to the point of denying reality.  Rational thinking also attempts to alter excessive emotional reactions (rage, depression, anxiety), but does it without pretending that things are great.  Rational thinking doesn’t reject negative thoughts nor focus only on positive thinking.  It looks for what is accurate, accepts it, and makes every effort to improve upon the situation even when there are limited options. Examples of Irrational Thinking vs. Rational Thinking vs. Rationalization (Fig. 9)I feel lucky…It’ll all work out by itself.It doesn’t bother me that…No sweat…Everything’s fine…I didn’t want _____ anyway.It wouldn’t have done any good anyway, if I …I would like very much to…If I am liked/competent, that’s great.If I am not, that’s unfortunate but I can live with it.I will do everything I can to…If I am treated unfairly, I might be angry, but I do not have to overreact.If things do not go the way I want, I might be disappointed, but I do not have to become excessively depressed, angry, or anxious.I must…I’ve got to…What if…that would be awful, terrible, unbearable, horrible.I couldn’t stand it if…Rationalization (denial of concern and inaccurate perception of reality)Rational Thinking (honest, appropriate concern and accurate perception of reality)Irrational Thinking (excessive concern and inaccurate perception of reality4 Steps to Dealing with Upsetting Feelings Before and After the Encounter54 Steps to Dealing with Upsetting Feelings Before and After Encounters1. Discover your inner dialogues.2. Identify the underlying irrational assumptions of the inner dialogues.3. Accept what is true and accurate.4. Change those thoughts and assumptions that are irrational and inaccurate and substitute more accurate, rational thoughts. 1. Discover Your Inner Dialogues Become aware of the kinds of thoughts you have in specific situations.  At first it may be difficult to stop what you’re doing (being excessively angry, upset, or depressed) and start thinking about what you were thinking.  Practice:  Think of a situation that occurred during the last week in which you believe you didn’t handle well because you became excessively angry, anxious, or depressed.  Then, try to recall what you were thinking before and during the time you were feeling so strongly.  If you have trouble recalling the dialogue, recall how you were feeling.  Start with the basic four feelings: mad, sad, glad, or scared.  “I felt that…” or “I felt like…” are not feelings, but thoughts.  I felt ___________ because ______________.  Using Feelings to Cover Up or Avoid Other Worse Feelings It can be more difficult to get at underlying feelings and the irrational thinking when you use your feelings to avoid other feelings.  I.e. anger to cover up fear or hurt. 1. Discover Your Inner Dialogues (cont.) Excessive Feelings Generally lead to nonassertive or aggressive behavior.  “Excessive” should not be confused with “intense.” Intense feelings can be quiet, appropriate, self-enhancing, and compatible with assertive behavior.  I.e. intense love or intense sadness.  Identify the thoughts that prompted the feelings, check them forirrational components, and assess whether your feelings are barriers to more assertive behavior.  If the feelings are inappropriate or undesirable, you have several ways to alter them by changing how you think about them.  Mild feelings of being embarrassed, helpless, vulnerable, afraid, weak, bored, sad,