HDF 304Exam 3 Study Guide: Lectures: 16 -23 Lecture 16CommunicationImportance of communication: - The ability for spouses to effectively send and receive messages is associated with marital satisfaction- Biggest problem in couples’ communication? : Interpersonal Gap- “Message sent is not message received.”- Sender’s intentions differ from listener’s experience Sender’s intentions  Sender’s encoding style  Noise and Interference  Listener’s Decodingstyle  Listener’s perceptions[Internal and external factors are considered as “noise”] Nonverbal Communication: Includes all the things people do in an interaction except for their spoken words- Functions:- Provide Information+ Nonverbal behavior provides information about people’s mood or what they mean by what they say+ Help convey emotional messages - Regulate Interaction+ Nonverbal behavior provides cues that regulate conversations and other interactions- Define the nature of the relationship+ The type of partnership maybe evident in the nonverbal behavior Nonverbal Sensitivity- Involves ability to encode and decode- Key predictor of relationship satisfaction- Husbands and wives asked to send and receive different messages- Women are better at encoding and decoding- Husbands in unhappy marriages not good at encoding or decoding meaning of message Components of NV Communication- Facial Expressions- Seemingly innate+ People blind at birth make same facial expressions as those who can see- Informative (when authentic!)+ Some attempt to:~ Intensify (exaggerate)~ Minimize~ Neutralize~ Mask (fake a different emotion)- Touch- Can display various cues such as dominance or affection - Interpersonal Distance- Intimate zone: 1.5 or less (lovers)- Personal zone: 1.5 ft. to 4 ft. (friends) - Social zone: 4 to 12 ft. (business interactions)- Paralanguage- Rhythm, pitch, loudness- how they say it e.g. loud voice tends to signal anger- Gazing Behavior- The direction and amount of a person’s eye contact- Communicates interest, affection- Body Language- Harder to control and more likely to convey true feelings- Vary widely from culture to culture Lecture 17Nonverbal Communication: Review- We need nonverbal cues to help us successfully encode (i.e. send) and decode (i.e. receive messages)- Includes:- Facial expressions- Touch- Paralanguage- Interpersonal Distance (closer you are, you’ll stand closer)- Gazing- Body Language- Nonverbal communication is most helpful when it provides additional information aboutwhat is being saidHow would you react?- You are friends with Kristen Stewart (the queen of flat affect). She says… “I’m pregnant.”- No non-verbal cues, so you’ll dig for more info before reacting- If she says it with a smile, you’ll react happily- If she says it while crying, you’ll react with “oh, no what are you going to do?” Verbal Communication- Self-Disclosure- The process of revealing personal information to someone else+ Reciprocity: couples tend to match initially+ Responsiveness: ~People want their self-disclosures to be met with apparent understanding, caring, support, and respect ~Necessary for sustained intimacy+ Not always gradual~Stranger on a plane phenomenon~Immediate intimacy, love at first sight disclosures- Theory of social penetration (the onion)a) Breadth: variety of topics discussedb) Depth: personal significance of topics discussed+ Early in a relationship: triangle very small, mostly in superficial level+ As the relationship develops: triangle grows a lot bigger, topics include superficial, intimate, and very intimate levels Conflict- Conflict exists when individuals who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals, and perceive their views as incompatible or oppositional- Conflict in itself is not harmful - How the conflict is managed and resolved determines if the conflict is harmful - When does conflict occur?Miscommunication 1) Kitchen-Sinking:- Just keep throwing things on the pile- “It’s not just your carelessness, it’s those friends you hang out with, and your lousy attitude about helping out around the house.”- King of Queens slip2) Off-Beam- Get way off track…- “You never do what I ask. You’re just as hard-headed as your mother, and you always take her side.”3) Mindreading:- Make assumptions about goals, motivations, etc.- “You just said that to make me mad, to get back at me for yesterday.”4) Yes-butting:- Agree, sort of, but then discount it…- “Yeah, we could try that, but it won’t work because I’m a genius and am always right”5) Cross-Complaining- Respond to a request/complaint with a novel request/complaintPerson A: “I hate the way you let the dishes pile up in the sink”Person B: “Well I hate how you leave the clothes in the dryer”Gottman’s Research- “Masters and Disasters” of marriage- 400 couples, starting in 1973- Observations via videotape- Physiological measures (HR, Blood pressure, etc.)- Questionnaires and Interviews- 90% prediction accuracy Gottman: Signs that a relationship will end in divorce- 1st sign: Harsh Setup - 2nd sign: “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse”1) Criticism- Complaint focuses on specific behavior- Criticism includes blame and general character assassination- “I’m really angry that you didn’t sweep the kitchen floor last night. Why are you so forgetful? I hate having to always…”2) Contempt- Fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about partner- Arguments are not resolved- Sarcasm, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, and mockery - More likely to suffer from infectious illnesses 3) Defensiveness- Way of blaming partner- “Not me, it’s you”- Does not work to end conflict. Most often just fuels the fire for other partner4) Stonewalling- When one partner finally tunes out- is silent+ No signs of active listening (e.g. head nods)- Avoidance of not just fight, but marriage/relationship- Acts as though could care less- Usually occurs later in marriages after continual unresolved arguments Lecture 18Couple: 3 step kidsMom: you don’t understand since you didn’t have to raise 3 kids Dad: disconnect with the kids, thinks she’s demanding She is disappointed that he has no enthusiasm, even with the kid’s showHe is tired, a long-term tiredLady: why do you feel rejection? Wants to leave/avoid argument. Avoids conflict Man: cuts off communication, tries to make