Improving Your Writing Style: Conciseness, Cohesion, and CoherenceThree Principles of a Clear, Effective StyleWhy Are Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence So Important?Conciseness, Cohesion, and CoherenceConciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence 1. ConcisenessConciseness: Repetition and RedundancyConciseness: Repetition and RedundancyConciseness: Repetition and RedundancyConciseness: Delete unnecessary modifiersConciseness: Passive voiceConciseness: Passive voiceConciseness: Passive voiceConciseness: Passive voiceShould we use the passive?2. CohesionCohesion: Which passage is cohesive?Cohesion The First Principle of Cohesion: Old FirstThe Second Principle of Cohesion: New Last“But then my point will be lost!”The Principle of Cohesion as a Law of CognitionWhat Readers Remember from Sentences Topic and StressWhat Cohesion Means for Your Sentence BeginningsWhat Cohesion Means for Your Sentence Endings3. CoherenceCoherence Cohesion Vs. CoherenceHow Coherence is DestroyedCoherence is Established in Two WaysSummary of Key PointsThe EndResourcesBooksInterested In A More In-Depth Experience?University Writing Program 1Improving Your Writing Improving Your Writing Style: Conciseness, Style: Conciseness, Cohesion, and CoherenceCohesion, and CoherenceDesigned byDuke University’sWriting StudioUniversity Writing Program 2“Have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret of style.”― Matthew Arnold“And how is clarity to be achieved? Mainly by taking trouble; and by writing to serve people rather than to impress them.”― F. L. LucasMain characteristic of good style: Main characteristic of good style: ClarityClarityUniversity Writing Program 3Three Principles of a Clear, Three Principles of a Clear, Effective StyleEffective Style1. Conciseness 2. Cohesion 3. CoherenceUniversity Writing Program 4Why Are Conciseness, Cohesion, Why Are Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence So Important?and Coherence So Important?• Conciseness spares your readers from having to reread what they already know• Cohesion allows us to make multiple references to people, things, and events without reintroducing them at each turn • Coherence focuses the reader’s attention on the specific people, things, and events you are writing aboutUniversity Writing Program 5Conciseness, Cohesion, and Conciseness, Cohesion, and CoherenceCoherenceFor example:Original:John Smith arrived early at the hall. There was no one else around at the hall. John Smith tried to open the door of the hall. The door was unlocked. John Smith opened the door. John Smith went through the door. John Smith shut the door behind John Smith. Suddenly there was a loud noise. The loud noise made John Smith jump.University Writing Program 6Conciseness, Cohesion, and Conciseness, Cohesion, and CoherenceCoherenceRevised:John Smith arrived early at the empty hall, approached the unlocked door, and entered. The hall door closed loudly behind him and made him jump.University Writing Program 71. Conciseness1. Conciseness“I believe more in the scissors than I do the pencil.”― Truman Capote“Some of my dearest and most beloved bits of writing have gone with a very quick slash, slash, slash….Because something was heavy there. Cutting leads to economy, precision, and to a vastly improved script.”― Paddy ChayefskyUniversity Writing Program 8Conciseness:Conciseness:Repetition and RedundancyRepetition and Redundancy• Delete unnecessary words.• Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words.• Delete words implied by other words.• Replace a phrase with a word.• Change negatives to affirmatives.University Writing Program 9Conciseness:Conciseness:Repetition and RedundancyRepetition and RedundancyA. Cut repetition and redundancy.Original: TV “reality” shows, because they have an appeal to our fascination with real life conflict because of our voyeuristic impulses, are about the most popular shows that are regularly scheduled to appear on TV.Revision: “Reality” shows are the most popular shows on TV because they appeal to our voyeuristic tendencies.University Writing Program 10Conciseness:Conciseness:Repetition and RedundancyRepetition and RedundancyA. Cut repetition and redundancy.Original: Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.Revision: Productivity depends on psychology rather than on technology.University Writing Program 11Conciseness:Conciseness:Delete unnecessary modifiersDelete unnecessary modifiersOriginal: Of the areas of science important to our future, few are more promising than genetic engineering, which isa new way of manipulating the elemental structural units of life itself, which arethe genes and chromosomes that tell our cells how to reproduce to become the parts thatconstitute our bodies. <underlining added>Revision: Many areas of science are important to our future, but few are more promising than genetic engineering. It offers a new way of manipulating the elemental structural units of life itself, the genes and chromosomes that tell our cells how to reproduce to become the parts constituting our bodies.University Writing Program 12Conciseness:Conciseness:Passive voicePassive voice• Choose between the active or passive voice, depending on the situation and on discipline-specific conventions.University Writing Program 13Conciseness:Conciseness:Passive voicePassive voiceHow do I quickly find the passive voice?• Look for any combination of the verb to beand a past participle.is, arewas, were + …ed,…t,…d,…enam, bebeing, beenUniversity Writing Program 14Conciseness:Conciseness:Passive voicePassive voiceTo change from passive to active voice, ask yourself Who’s doing what? or What’s doing what? The Who or What is the grammatical subject of the sentence. Place this subject in front of the main verb.Passive: The twenty-foot wave was surfed by the adventurous cow.Active: The adventurous cow surfed a twenty-foot wave.University Writing Program 15Conciseness:Conciseness:Passive voicePassive voice• Passive: A census is taken by the government every ten years so that proportional representation in Congress can be determined.• Active: The government takes a census every ten years in order to determine proportional representation in Congress.University Writing Program 16Should we use the passive?Should we use the passive?• The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps