Lecture 4Key Concepts:I. ConflictII. AssertivenessIII. Fair fightingIV. ValidationIIV. NegotiationV. Communication skills as toolsClicker question: According to Messages what is a basic defining feature of conflict?  A. Competing interestsI. ConflictA communication situation in which a speaker wants to advance her/his own interests over or against those of another speakerInevitable, but more often than not a positive outcome is possibleII. Foundations: Basic skillsAssertiveness skilled expressing and listeningEngage in the right kind of expressive in order to come off as assertive, as well as listen to understand how to be assertiveFair Fighting skilled expressingValidation skilled expressing, listening, and self-disclosureLetting other person know your interests/values r not alignedNegotiation skilled expressing, listening“You may encounter a conflict that can’t be negotiated. This happens when your opponents want the conflict more than they want a resolution… Until you uncover and deal with such hidden agendas, negotiation is impossible.”You can uncover these hidden agendasIII. Do communication skills always work?Messages: keep trying to send messages & you will succeedBUT…What if the other speaker is openly not interested in communicating with you?Your skills will flounder in this situationWhat if the other speaker is openly not interested in relating to you?Again, you cannot communicate successfullyThe more you try the more you will fail worsen issueIV. Do communication skills always work for everyone?What if..You are living with a neurological disability that disables you from communicating and connecting with others?You don’t speak the local language well?You belong to a disadvantaged/persecuted minority in local society?Aren’t even given the opportunity to speak before judgmentYou are in a society that values silence over communication?(e.g., Westerns Apache, Blackfeet)Following the recommendation of Messages portrays you in a way you don’t want to be portrayed (e.g., negative views of assertive women, people who “talk too much,” etc.)**Messages takes for granted that everyone has always had access to communication skills and that communication itself is valuable at all timesV. A focal problem: the notion of communication “skills”Messages: assumes predictable, controllable conversationsMuch of real life:Sliding scale between predictable (scripted) and unpredictable (non-scripted) conversationsChecking out at the super market, or “hi how are you” is a scripted conversationArgument with significant other or a business meeting are examples of unscripted conversationsCommunication skills often don’t guarantee successful communication outcomes you might still failSimply because the other person doesn’t want to participate in the communicationVI. “Skills” Messages: using communication skills is like the expert use of toolsTools:Singular, independent objectsThey are a means to particular endsCan be fully controlled (designed to be controlled)Their use can be trained (you can be taught how to use them) In Messages, the communication challenge: finding the right “tool” for the right “job” and using the that “tool” in a skillful wayThis is an underestimation of the complexity of communicationCOMM 1210Lecture 4Key Concepts:I. Conflict II. AssertivenessIII. Fair fightingIV. ValidationIIV. Negotiation V. Communication skills as tools Clicker question: According to Messages what is a basic defining feature of conflict?  A. Competing interests I. Conflict- A communication situation in which a speaker wants to advance her/his own interests over or against those of another speaker - Inevitable, but more often than not a positive outcome is possible II. Foundations: Basic skills- Assertiveness skilled expressing and listeningo Engage in the right kind of expressive in order to come off as assertive, as well as listen to understand how to be assertive- Fair Fighting skilled expressing- Validation skilled expressing, listening, and self-disclosureo Letting other person know your interests/values r not aligned - Negotiation skilled expressing, listening “You may encounter a conflict that can’t be negotiated. This happens when your opponents want the conflict more than they want a resolution… Until you uncover and deal with such hidden agendas, negotiation is impossible.”o You can uncover these hidden agendas III. Do communication skills always work?These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.- Messages: keep trying to send messages & you will succeedo BUT…o What if the other speaker is openly not interested in communicating with you? Your skills will flounder in this situationo What if the other speaker is openly not interested in relating to you? Again, you cannot communicate successfully The more you try the more you will fail worsen issue IV. Do communication skills always work for everyone? What if..- You are living with a neurological disability that disables you from communicating and connecting with others? - You don’t speak the local language well?- You belong to a disadvantaged/persecuted minority in local society?o Aren’t even given the opportunity to speak before judgment- You are in a society that values silence over communication?o (e.g., Westerns Apache, Blackfeet)- Following the recommendation of Messages portrays you in a way you don’t want to be portrayed (e.g., negative views of assertive women, people who “talk too much,” etc.)o **Messages takes for granted that everyone has always had access to communication skills and that communication itself is valuable at all times V. A focal problem: the notion of communication “skills”- Messages: assumes predictable, controllable conversations - Much of real life:o Sliding scale between predictable (scripted) and unpredictable (non-scripted) conversations  Checking out at the super market, or “hi how are you” is a scripted conversation  Argument with significant other or a business meeting are examples of unscripted conversations o Communication skills often don’t guarantee successful communication outcomes you might still fail Simply because the other person doesn’t want to participate in the communication VI. “Skills” 