Discussion CMS 357 18 MAr Discussion CMS 357 18 MAr wma Audio recording started 11 10 AM Tuesday March 18 2014 Tuesday March 18 2014 11 09 AM What makes good relationships compatible 1 Common Characteristics of a Good Relationships a Compatibility i People who are similar with exceptions tend to want to flock together 1 Religion likes dislikes 2 Social status 3 Political beliefs a This gives couples a ground for compromise because they can say we agree mostly so we can meet in the middle here b Conflict i The way we DEAL with conflict 1 Things we can do to make it more effective a The ability to recognize conflict b AND acknowledge your disagreements differences i This is really important to allow the couples to work through it together and deal with it b Dealing with it openly and with respect and relatively calmly i THIS DOESN T mean that you don t yell or heatedly argue occasionally this happens rarely but must happen as well for a healthy relationship but when it happens a lot and hurt ensues that s too much b Partners should be able to EMPHASIZE with one another i Even if you don t agree you should be able to see each other s points of view ii You may not buy it but if you see their POV that means a lot b They listen and don t interrupt each other i A study that took place over 5 years showed that couples that were in that high interruption category were mostly broken up or divorced by the end of the study ii Interruptions mean disrespect and not caring what the other person says shows you are concerned only about yourself and the other person the same as well 2 Dealing with problems Responses to satisfaction a Dimensions 2 of them i ACTIVE or PASSIVE ii Active is getting out there and doing something iii Passive not really doing anything about it b Constructive or Destructive i Behaviors that are helpful and behaviors that are not helpful 3 Adjusting to Crisis a Death why it may pull apart and n0t bring together i Family members may define themselves by the Person they die Their Identification 1 Roles can be conflicted now if no one knows who will fill the late persons role ii Everybody needs comforting at the same time 1 May be destructive suicide or alcohol etc 2 People grieve in different ways 3 People grieve Different TIMES 4 Grieving comes in waves may be hard to grasp that b Divorce i Hardest times is actually a few months down the road 6 months THE TIME 1 6 mos happens to be the most difficult times for most family members a Holidays and birthdays etc start happening and we realize it doesn t to look the same it forces us to realize it we HAVE to cope with it for sure b 5 years down the road i 1 3 say it was for the best of things ii 1 3 kind of neutral shows 2 3s of people tend to adjust iii 1 3 are still bitter 2 The age of the kid when the divorce happens AGE a Boys toughest with pre adolescent years 10 13 i Trying to grow up to be young men Male role model is not around very much 1 Many times moms are awarded main custody b Girls late teens i Having more serious relationships with men ii Feeling the lack of the father start feeling abandoned iii Less secure and trusting 3 Economic Standing a The change in the financial standing of your family i Everyone in the family is financially worse off no dual income ii You can t afford certain things anymore iii Mom may have to GO BACK to work so now both parents aren t around iv Kids activities are the easiest and fastest thing to cut 4 Quality of relationship with parent a It may be affected by how well it functions 5 Conflict between the parent 1 2 Constructive Destructive Active Passive Active Exit Voice Neglect Loyalty Destructive Constructive Passive