Examples of Active Listening v Active Telling Behaviors Active Listening Empathy focus on how THEY see the situation What is THEIR point of view whether you agree with it or not Listen to them and let them explain themselves fully Acceptance Treat them with respect and dignity Listen to their side of the story Immediacy behaviors show them you are listening Make eye contact nod your head to show you re listening focus your attention on them Don t cross your arms or turn your body away from them Reflective listening repeat back paraphrase back to them what you think they said meant It shows you are listening AND allows you to check that your perceptions are accurate and you do understand them Drawing out comments Can you help me Let s work on how we might Help me understand better How do you see it differently How are you feeling about this When discussing choices and in general try to use the word And Active Telling Non Empathy Self Focus This is about you and your wants not them Tell them sell them on how YOU see things You are NOT interested in listening to how they see things The more they talk the more likely they are to convince you or themselves that you are likely to give in Acceptance do not treat them with respect and dignity You can be dismissive Do not listen to them and their side of the story You can interrupt them Immediacy behaviors Do not give them any Look around the room Check your watch frequently Do not make much eye contact Doodle while they talk Cross your arms lean back in the chair if you like angle your body so you are not directly facing them Show disinterest in them Pushing back comments It s clear to me that You are x kind of person Don t be unreasonable Don t be a bad negotiator salesperson The customer is always right When discussing choices and in general try to use the words but and or 2007 Edward Eli Kass drekass berkeley edu