Relationships Social Personal o A relationship that exists because of structural demands Group projects assigned roommates o A relationship that involves behavioral interdependence need fulfillment and emotional attachment o Behavioral Independence Frequent effecting each other multiple times a day Strong influencing each other in ways that matter and are important Diverse dinner to eat TV show to watch in the same night Enduring last over a significant period of time not just a one time thing o Need Fulfillment Intimacy need to share personal feelings with another person Being nurturing Assistance advice pick up someone up when they need a ride Reassurance of own worth o Emotional Attachment Connected to another person on an emotional level Interpersonal Attraction P variables attributes of the person evaluating the other o Expectations how you feel about the situation will influence your thoughts about the situation o Social deficiencies E variables attributes of the physical and social environment o Proximity physically close to each other o Pleasantness ex Bachelorette tropical dates O variables attributes of the person is being evaluated o Physical attractiveness o Personality warmth and confidence are highly valued P x O Variables variables that are unique to the relationship P and O o Similarity between P and O drawn to people who are like us o Complimentary between P and O systems theory o Reciprocal thinking Why Are We Attracted To Those We Can t Have Barriers can increase attractions o External barriers o Barriers in the relationship Reactance Theory o Told to stay away from someone they become more attractive o Ex George becomes the bad boy for a girl that wants a bad boy Theories of Relationship Development o Communication coming together up stairs coming apart down stairs o Stimulus value role Stage theories Social Exchange theory Dialectical theory Knapps Interaction Stages Coming Together o Greeting first instance of knowing someone Experimenting o Small talk ex weather Initiating Intensifying Integrating Bonding o Find out about background interests family you are friends o Close and exclusive relationship o Engagement couple now lives together in society o Stimulus value role Stimulus Value Role Attraction based on physical appearance initially most important Attachment due to the value belief similarity 2 7 contact most important Commitment due to successful performance of relationship roles 8 and long term most important Social Exchange Theory Rewards and costs o Perceptions of rewards and costs are important Expectations Alternatives Investments o Comparison level CL o Comparison level CL alt Dialectical Approach to Developing Relationships Social life is a contradiction Assumptions o Contradiction The unity of oppositions o Change Relational Culture Privately developed and executed system of understandings that coordinate attitudes actions and identities of partners Ex Couples in marriages have their own system and way of doing things Ex Friends in clique have their own communication system o Indicators o Functions Rules sequential patterns of interaction that you identify with your relationship Personalized language Establish boundaries between us and others Regularizes our interactions o Communication Characteristics of Individuals Richness efficient uniqueness pacing openness spontaneity evaluation Long term commitments Cohabitation o Has increased 900 in the past 50 years o 70 of women aged 30 34 have cohabitated o 2 3 of marriages occur among couples who cohabitated o Predicted by length of time in the relationship o Difference according to education Marriage o Most popular form of commitment in the United States o The older you get the chances of you getting married increases o Men tend to marry at a slightly older age than women do o Historically the age of first marriage is increasing compared to past decades Committed Relationship Types o Not every couple interacts in the same way o Describe attitudes of people in the relationship o Traditional 20 marriage the members of the couple are highly interdependent o Independent 22 have their own separate ways and identities o Separate 17 avoid conflict avoid expressing emotions o What about the other 40 different people with different orientations in a relationship most common pairing is husband separate and wife traditional The Family Life Cycle Establishing a family Enlarging a family o Baby is born or adopted o Members of the couple are communicating less o High percentage of communication is about baby Developing a family o Sons communicated with more activities o Daughters communicated more about emotion o Moms spend more time with kids than dads that trend is changing though Encouraging Independence o Launching children Everything in family gets shifted around o Post launching children Spikes in divorce rates o Retirement Communication Stages of Disengaging Relationships o Differentiating differences o Disintegrating o Stagnating o Terminating Don t want to agree with significant other more communication about Relationship becomes less special and more mundane Still in relationship but avoiding each other and not working things out Dialectical Tensions in Relationship Backup o Termination vs continued connection o Initiator vs caretaker o Openness vs closedness Conflict Conflict o A disagreement between or among connected individuals o When people who depend on each other express different views interests or goals that they perceive as incompatible or opposed o Expressed disagreement Need to recognize that conflict is there Need to express it in some way verbally or nonverbally o Interdependence o Felt need for resolution Principles of Conflict o Conflict is natural in relationships o Conflict be overt or covert Cultural differences Social communities Types of Conflict o Content conflict Overt out in the open explicit Covert conflict expressed indirectly passive aggressiveness o Social groups shape the meaning of conflict behaviors Centers on objects events and persons that are external to the parties involved in the conflict o Relationship conflict Centers on the relationship itself Conflict styles o Competing I win you lose Usually verbally aggressive blame other o Avoiding We both lose Withdraw change topics not concerned with self or other o Accommodating I lose you win Sacrifice own needs for other o Collaborating We both win addresses both partners needs Ideal style takes time and willingness