Modern Families Challenges of Modern Families Becoming a family in modern times present some unique challenges compared to the past friends having them Modern families are not as close geographically to extended family or close Families now have fewer children and there is more decision making around There is no model for how this should work so the family that is suppose to be supportive has the stress od juggling everything and still being there for each other Challenges of Modern Moms Deciding if mom will work and how much etc is a big stress New moms that stay home to be with their babies often feel isolated they are with no one their age all day no communications interaction Working moms often feel guilty and worry about child s wellbeing constantly With mothers working more there is more of a need for shared responsibilities but women often continue to take the majority of the burden of child care and house making Mom Vs Mom Super mom is a career woman too Traditional mom is perfect homemaker They have a fear of being seen as lazy if they aren t working o Feelings of being frumpy boring lack of adult interaction o Justify decision by noting poor child care options lack of family time they give other reasons excuses for why they have to decide the things that they do o Many plan on working eventually Ill do it soon Moms fear they will be seen as a bad mom if they are working she is putting money or her needs first before her kids o May be seen as self centered o Time with children may be limited rushed and minds preoccupied o They may miss important milestones o They fear losing touch with themselves if not working No mom is ever seen as good enough They justify working o They have a need for income Childs education Regular expenses Stability if they ever become single o Fear of losing touch with ones self o Daycare is good for children to socialize o They enjoy children more when they are away from them for a bit don t get annoyed or tired of them nagging crying etc Justification of staying at home o Feeling that children need a parent with them o Lack of other good childcare options o Fear of not being able to juggle career and children well o It is the right thing to do Overall women are always torn Feeling of Mom vs Mom is societal both are respectful of each other Working moms often even argue that being home for children is more important than working and more rewarding All agree that children should come first Challenges of Modern Parents new parents New parents relationships are at a greater risk than those of couples who are not May have difficulty navigating new responsibilities Must work together to coordinate child care and work if mom is working Parent roles grow relationship roles sink stop being as couply and become more like parents Unclear identity linked with depression o Difficulty in agreeing how to raise children may arise o 5 domains become stressful with arrival of children 1 Parents sense of self 2 Parent grandparent relationships 3 Parent child relationships 4 Relationship with friends and work 5 The state of marriage 4 categories of parents o Planned pregnancy and happy about it half o Did not plan but still happy about it Fare best after baby is born o Unplanned unhappy Greater decline in marital satisfaction after baby is born aka baby being born makes the marriage decline o Disagreement about keeping unplanned pregnancy Typically ends in divorce Children may suffer if parents are unhappy The greater strain on the relationship the more at risk the children are o If the relationship is already strained before having kids after child is born there is more strain on relationship Despite the desire to be different parents may reenact patterns from their childhood if parents were fighting all the time and always had tension even if new parent doesn t want to be like his or her parents were it still may be Children who fare best in school have parents who transitioned to parenthood better parents good parents off the bat their children do better and cope better in school Staying at home for mom is not necessarily the answer Girls benefit from seeing their mom work Challenges of Modern Fathers Often work more as a way of providing after children arrive May not have been taught how to care for children Increasing demands from wife for attention if she is staying at home and lonely isolated The less housework done by the father the more dissatisfied he and his wife are with the relationship after children are born Help for Modern Families Options of staying home or working Financial support for staying at home Flexible work arrangements if working Quality affordable child care Therapy courses accessible to all prior to becoming parents o Even helpful for low risk couples o Improved fathering o Less depressed mothers o Better child adjustments Intervention for children accessible if needed Work and Family Social Determinants of Futures Personal decisions often influenced by o Opportunity o Economy o Race History of social inequality and discrimination Stereotypes White privilege o Education Roots of Adversity o Self blame o Internalized racism Blaming the Victim to create illusion of equal opportunities causing If white privilege is lost white people feel victimized Look below to place blame for large problems such as economy An entire culture can be blamed for problems not the inequality at the root Belief in superiority results in inequalities Factors Impacting Finances Blaming the victim again o In truth families spend less on many items than in the past o As with racial adversity look below to blame and feel superior o Feel safe from problems because others caused them themselves o No need to help if victim is to blame why would we help them if they caused it themselves they did this to themselves o In truth families spend less on many items than in the past Largest drain Housing Particular issue for families with children Parents look for o Good school district o Safe school o Safe neighborhoods typically suburbs Women s income now considered in mortgage lending o Mom can help families be in best neighborhood by working o Moms income impacts middle class the most o More demand prices rise Debt to afford house women must continue to work Issues of Adoption Interracial Adoption race Argument is that children are best served when adopted by families of the same Problem Disproportionate number of minority children in foster care too many to wait for same