ReadingsCycle of Abuse – repetitive pattern of stages that define most abusive and violent relationships, cycling through the honeymoon stage, the tension-building phase, and the explosion of violence, followed by a return to the honeymoon stage and the beginning of a new cycle *WARNING SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL ABUSER P.140Summary-Love and marriage in America 1750- most marriages were undertaken for financial gain and social standing. Marriages were often arranged by the bride and groom’s fathers to enhance the family’s position in the community. Engagements, or courtships, tended to be relatively brief. Betrothed couples getting acquainted was speeded u through the practice of building, or sleeping in the same bed fully clothed, sometimes with a board between the young couple to prevent them from losing control.Establishing early intimacy- today courtship is more under the control of the couple themselves in most cultures. Many factors influence romance and intimacy and whether a couple makes a lifelong commitment to each other. These factors include a person’s field of eligible, physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, flirting, and reciprocity of attraction.What is love?- Sternberg’s triangular theory of love identifies the three primary components of love as intimacy, passion, and commitment. Relationships with all three components are called consummate love; when one or more of these components is lacking, the relationship may be characterized as empty love, mere infatuation, romantic yet short-lived love, friendship, companionate love, or fatuous love. Individuals may be characterized by one or more of six love styles, in intimate relationships: eros )intensely romantic love), ludus (game-playing love), storage (friendship love), mania (obsessive love), pragma (practical love), and agape (selfless love). Couples with differing love styles are less likely to sustain a relationship overtime.Communication in love relationships- self disclosure tends to deepen as relationships intensify. Revealing personal information to a partner about your sexual preferences, fears, anxieties, desires, and values is all part of the challenge of sexual self disclosure. Effective communication is fundamental to successful relationships. Researchers have identified three distinct communication styles in intimate relationships: validating, volatile, and conflict- avoiding. Poor communication patterns may signal that a relationship is weak and unstable. Warning signs of poor communication include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. However, couples may improve their ability to communicate by learning new, more effective communication styles, such as holding regular couples meetings, avoiding blame, and improving their understanding of effective communication in intimate relationships. Communicating about sex is one of the most difficult challenges for couples because of embarrassment over sexual topics, lack of accurate information, cultural sexual taboos, and fear of being judged or rejected by the partner. Communicating about sex is a learning process that takes time as partners comfort levels increase and their emotional intimacy deepens.Losing love: why relationships end- specific behaviors have been identified that contribute to the end of relationships the most common factors include one or more of the following: lack of self-knowledge, acceptance of false relationship myths, poor communication, power imbalances between the partners, low self esteem of one or both partners, social isolation of the couple from others, lying and cheating, excessive jealousy, controlling behaviors, and violence.Abusive and violent relationships- abuse and violence are the dark side of love relationships. Relationship abuse includes physical violence, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. -Abusive patterns typically repeat in a cycle: the honeymoon phase, tension-building phase, and the explosion of abuse or the violence, followed by a return to the honeymoon phase. The pattern then repeats, with the abuse and violence typically escalating. –the fear of this escalating violence, concern over children who may be part of the relationship, lack of money, loss of emotional support, and even the possibility of being murdered by the abusive partner are a few of the reasons abuse victims become trapped in these relationships and why, among those who do leave, most return to their abusers one ormore times. Learning the signs of potential abusers may help prevent initial involvement or allow for earlier escape.Your sexual philosophy love intimacy, and sexual communication- incorporating the issues discussed in this chapter into your working sexual philosophy frees you to enjoy love and intimacy to the fullest because you will have the knowledge to avoid being swept into an intimate relationship that may be wrong for you. You will also have the tools to make a good relationship better or to help heal a relationship that may be having problems. Perhaps most important, you will be less likely to become trapped in unhealthy relationships that are abusive or violent.Chapter 13Rape- a nonconsensual sexual penetration of the body using physical force the treat of bodily harm or other forms of coercion such as incapacitation with alcohol or other drugs.Historical rape was limited to unwarranted penetration of a women’s vagina by a mans penis but most states and sexuality researchers now include their definitions of rape by objects rather than a penis.Categories of RapeStatutory rape- is sexual activity engaged in between an adult and a minor.Women can rape men, men can rape women, and same sex rapes occur.Can a man be raped?Yes, male rape is becoming an increasingly recognized crime.Rape MythsWomen encourage rape by their dress and actions.No one would ever want to be raped. A women may dress and behave in certain ways because she is interested in appearing attractive or wants to meet someone but no one wants to be raped.Men who rape simply lose control over their sexual urges.No because rape is not a primarily sexual act.If men really were helpless puppets of their sexual urges rape would be more universal that it is.Men who rape are mentally ill.Mental illness among rapist is no more common than that among the population in general.Also rape occurs mostly in people that the perpetrator knows.Women secretly want to be raped.No although some women fantasize about being raped. But in these