Modern Families 03 06 2014 Challenges of modern families Becoming a family in modern times present some unique challenges compared to the past Modern families are not as close geographically to extended family or close friends typically Families now have fewer children and there is more decision making around having them There is no model for how this should work and so the family that is supposed to be supportive has the stress of juggling everything and still being there for each other Challenges of Modern Parents New parents relationships are at a greater risk than those of couples who are not new parents May have difficulty navigating new responsibilities Must work together to coordinate child care and work if mom is working Parent roles grow relationship roles shrink Unclear identity linked with depression Difficulty in agreeing how to raise children may arise Five domains become stressful with arrival of children o Parents sense of self o Parent grandparents relationships o Parent child relationships o Relationships with friends and work o The state of the marriage Four categories of parents o Planned pregnancy and happy about it half o Did not plan but happy about it Fare best after baby is born o Unplanned unhappy Greater decline in marital satisfaction after baby is born o Disagreement about keeping unplanned pregnancy Typically ends in divorce Challenges of Modern Children Children may suffer if parents are unhappy the greater the relationship strain the more at risk the children o Already strained relationships more at risk after children Despite desire to be different parents may re enact patterns from Children who fare best in school have parents who transitioned to their childhood parenthood better Staying at home for mom is not necessarily the answer Girls benefit from seeing mom work Challenges of Modern Fathers Often work more when children arrive as a way of providing May not have been taught how to care for children Increasing demands from wife for attention if she is staying at home and lonely isolated The less housework done by the father the more dissatisfied he and his wife are with the relationship after children are born Help for modern families Options of staying home or working Financial support for staying at home Flexible work arrangements if working Quality affordable child care Therapy courses accessible to all prior to become parents o Even helpful for low risk couples o Improved fathering o Less depressed mothers o Better child adjustment Intervention for children accessible if needed Challenges of Modern Moms 03 06 2014 Challenges Deciding if mom will work how much is a big stress New moms who stay at home to be with their babies often feel isolated Working moms feel guilty and worry about child s well being With mothers working more there is more of a need for shared responsibilities but women often continue to take the majority of the burden of child care and house making Mom vs Mom Supermom is career woman too Traditional mom is perfect homemaker Fear of being seen as lazy if not working o Feelings of being frumpy boring lack of adult interaction o Justify decision by noting poor child care options lack of family time if working etc o Form support or mom groups o Many plan on working eventually Fear of being seen as bad mom if working putting money or her needs first o May be seen as self centered o Time with children may be limited rushed and minds pre occupied o May miss important milestones o Fear of losing touch with self if not working No mom is ever seen as good enough Need for income Justification of working o Children s education regular expenses stability if ever single Justification of staying at home Fear of losing touch with one s self Day care is good for children to socialize Enjoy children more when away a bit Feeling that children need a parent with them Lack of other good child care options Fear of not being able to juggle career and children well The right thing to do Overall women are always torn Feeling of mom vs mom is societal both are respectful of each other Working moms often even argue that being home for children is more important than working and more rewarding All agree that children should come first Suggestions o Changing the culture of face time o Revaluing family values o Redefining the arc of successful career o Rediscovering the pursuit of happiness o Innovation nation o Enlisting men o Slaughter society needs to change for women to be able to work and be involved in family Look for your happiness Sandberg women need to change and not shy away but can still be likeable while still be superior Try to be a leader Other just pick one Doing it all is not realistic Don t go blaming people but accept reality Which one should be applied Work and Family 03 06 2014 Social determinants of futures Personal decisions often influenced by o Opportunity o Economy o Race White privilege History of social inequality and discrimination Stereotypes o Education Roots of adversity o Self blame o Internalized racism Blaming the victim to create illusion of equal opportunities causing Look below to place blame for large problems such as economy An entire culture can be blamed for problems not the inequality at If white privilege is lost white people feel victimized the root Belief in superiority results in inequalities Factors impacting finances Blaming victim again o In truth families spend less on many items than in the past o As with racial adversity look below to blame and feel superior o Feel safe from problems because others caused them themselves o No need to help if victim to blame In truth families spend less on many items than in the past Largest drain housing o Particular issue for families with children o Parents look for Good school district Safe school and neighborhoods typically suburbs o Women s income now considered in mortgage lending Mom can help families be in best neighborhood by Moms income impacts middle class the most More demand prices rise Debt to afford house women must continue to working work Issues of Adoption 03 06 2014 Interracial Adoption same race Argument children are best served when adopted by families of the Problem disproportionate number of minority children in foster care too many to wait for same race placements Recommendations have been made that minority children be placed with families of the same race o Idea that children will fare better if they look like their families o What about