What is Tannen s thesis Both mean and women need intimacy and independence just at different amounts and at different times Tannen and her husband page 84 female irritation excuses restates the concern communication connection annoyed inappropriate intimacy male more defensive because of the pity and sympathy trying to regain the one up regain independence Josh and Linda page 85 female Josh didn t ask if he could have friends over she felt upset he didn t communicate with her loss of connection loss of intimacy male attack of independence Tannen and her husband page 86 female sees the question as seeking information male the question was an attack challenge doesn t want to be in the one down Emily and Jake page 87 help sympathy generosity symmetry one down female annoyed at being told they need help inappropriate intimacy male annoyed loss of independence Eve and Marc 87 female she though he was making a dependent statement and wasn t listening to her male he was just trying to help Sandra and Maurice 89 female see s her movement as a connection male see s her movement to protect him as a one down How Does Tannen Explain these Differences Childhood Play Boys communication style encourages independence play in large groups heirchical structure games winners losers tell jokes fix it conflict handled through violence Girls communication style encourages great intimacy play in small groups importance of best friends intimacy is key conversation many games have no winners losers greater eye contact minimizes differences conflict handled through communication
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