Marital Satisfaction Gottman Can destroy a relationship Criticism Defensiveness Stone walling Contempt most poisonous behave as superior to spouse look down on them Marriage Myths Happily ever after Macro Domestic Grind Legal Image of Marriage Marriage Quality of Life o Ball Chain hen pecked husband Indicators that it is better for one s physical and mental health Mentally and physically healthier people are more likely to marry and stay married o People with positive qualities are more likely to marry and stay married o People with negative qualities who marry are more likely to opt out of it Marriage as Context for Self Development Develops a sense of self through love and sexual expression Self development emphasis devalues qualities of commitment trust and permanence Allowed for more flexible roles in the marriage Marital Cohesion A Formula Marital Cohesion Attraction within a marriage Barriers outside a marriage Available alternatives o Attraction within a marriage What makes you want to stay in the relationship companionship emotional support affection sex everyday assistance with running a household o Barriers Reduce sense of attraction cost need to make compromise dealing with verbal physical aggression putting up with spouses bad habits This is where the unhappiness comes in Things that keep you in the marriage even if you are unhappy Feelings of obligation to spouse children extended family moral religious values concern about social stigma legal restrictions financial dependence on the spouse Bind a couple together o Available options If exceed marriage opt out of marriage If no alternatives stay in marriage Types of Marriages Vital Marriages represent ideal marriage o Spouses share true intimacy and find their greatest satisfaction in life with each other Total Marriages similar to vital marriages o Have shared intimacy but also highly involved in each other s activities shared hobbies high companionship Conflict habituated marriages enduring marriage NOT intimate satisfying o Couples that bicker and quarrel regularly o Communication terrible Nagging sarcasm condescension and some cases physical violence Devitalized marriages enduring marriage NOT intimate satisfying o No romantic love all about duty and maintenance of the relationships Passive congenial marriages enduring marriage NOT intimate satisfying o Provide stability for couple members who didn t expect love to begin with needed marriage for traditional reasons religion o Marriage is a secure base of operations o Use marriage to direct energies elsewhere o Example lesbian wife and straight husband Factors in Marital Satisfaction Similarities to spouse Good balance of separation and closeness between spouses Conflict resolution Hostility in Family of Origin Life Cycle of Family o Presence of children in the home especially adolescents Wives are unhappier in the marriage Perception of the relationship Does your marriage fit with what you expected Fit between gender roles views about egalitarianism household division of labor Actively religious people describe themselves as happier in marriage
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