Chapter 9 Developing and Ending Relationships Intimacy A connection between two people that includes psychological emotional and behavioral bonds Intimate relationships provide us with companionship entertainment and support Bonds can include friendships romantic relationships siblings parents extended family mentors and even pets Components of Intimacy Closeness Openness Trust Affection o A feeling of union between two people that emerges when people spend time together and influence one another s actions and beliefs o Our willingness to reveal private information about ourselves to a relationship partner through self disclosure o The feeling that a relationship partner will keep us safe and protect us from harm o The positive feelings that we have for another person that we communicate through our actions with that person Mutuality between them Coping With Uncertainty o When both partners in a relationship acknowledge and value the bond that exists Stems from a lack of information about a conversation partner Uncertainty Reduction o The process of gathering information about an interaction partner Self Disclosure o An essential tool for sharing information and reducing uncertainty Desire to reduce uncertainty is affected by the predicted outcome value of the rewards a person expects from the person they are meeting o Example You want to get along with your roommate because you know you will be spending a lot of time together so you value the relationship and try to reduce uncertainty Escalating Relationships Creating a Connection o Social penetration theory A description of relationships Resolving Doubts o Relational Uncertainty Refers to the lack of knowledge people have about their relationships and it stems from three kinds of doubts 1 Self Uncertainty Am I ready for a relationship 2 Partner Uncertainty Do I trust my partner 3 Relationship Uncertainty Are we compatible o Relational uncertainty can be resolved through ex making false Facebook accounts to chat with your partner to Secret tests test his commitment to you AND OR Relationship talks Coordinating Behavior o Interdependence discussing what you both want from the relationship A state that exists when relationship partners rely on each other to accomplish their goals o Relational Turbulence Model Highlights how establishing interdependence can be a source of difficulty within a developing relationship The voluntary transfer of personal resources from one place to another Ex I ll cook if you promise to clean up afterwards Guided by the rule of distributive justice which dictates that each partner s rewards should be even Striving for Equity o Social Exchange Ending Relationships Making a Decision o Is it going to end Factors that contribute to this decision may be geography how much time you have to devote to the relationship if you are too busy with a new job if you want different things etc Managing Face Threats o Experiences that can make either partner feel contrained disliked Reasserting Indepedence o Who are you as an individual Coming to Terms o How are you going to deal with mutual friends and gatherings you are both invited to o If children are involved how will they be affected o If you live together who moves out When Things Go Wrong Unrequited love and stalking o Obsessive relational intrusion o Stalking Repeated and unwanted pursuit that constitues as an invasion of privacy Repeated harrassment of another person that threatens his or her safety