Attribution Theory CAUSALITY Heider Father of theory naive psychologist Causality internal mood attitudes abilities personality external weather environment pressures from others monetary Keley s Eovariation model the actor the person who performs the behavior the target object that the behavior is aimed at circumstances setting relationship 3 Types of Info consensus most people external high consensus internal low consensus consistency time external low consistency internal high consistency distinctiveness uniqueness external high distinctiveness internal low distinctiveness example having a date at 6 00 but her husband doesn t show up if there was a bomb scare you change the way you think because of the way you change the causality external environment you no longer are mad they are late and more worried Bias in System Fundamental Attribution Error we have the tendency to blame the other person involved in a situation blaming the victim or overestimating personality or underestimating the situation anchoring effect holding onto first impressions bitch who couldn t take one more person at the DMV self serving bias positive self behaviors are internal causality and negative behaviors are external causality CHAPTER 11 Conditions for Intimacy proximity shared episodes intimacy readiness increased interdependence certain times places dates places that make us inclined to be with someone unless we have romantic feelings you can still have everything in place but it still won t work Steven Duct s Filtering Theory distinct sequential criteria sociological or incidental cues opportunity to observe girl walked into the bar and I fell in love pre interactive cues sign vehicles clothes interaction cognitive cue impression Other Interpersonal Magnets physical beauty matching hypothesis we have some idea of how beautiful we are and from that idea we seek out people of the same level of physical beauty as you similar to you similarity reciprocal liking i like you more than a friend satisfy needs affection inclusion and control make sense of this crazy world cost and rewards time spent together emotions STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP Knapp Initiating greetings experimenting small talk flirting affinity seeking strategies complimenting Intensifying change in communication I to we informal talk verbal shortcuts secret tests Wilmot Baxlet appropriate self disclosure Integrating interdependence couple relational symbols ex places objects songs Bonding institutionalize Social Penetration Theory communication is like an onion public bond biographical demographical substitution able autonomous universal normative practical extrinsive irreplaceable interdependence particular individualistic sentimental intrinsic private bond depth intimacy inside of the onion deeper and deeper into layers What is dating 1800 s Calling write a letter to an aunt or cousin and tell them you are interested in someone your family looks up the person to make sure they are acceptable Rules proper amount of time between the calling and visit women have control over whether refreshments will be serving there will be a chaperone and a list of topics for discussion rules of leave taking should lady accompany you to the door or not 1910 Date made for the lower class because some people didn t have parlors to make calling 1900 s women move into the cities they are taking jobs as secretaries etc and going to college more likely to be in a place where men are men ask out the women Virginia Kidd Table 11 1 page 263 Interpersonal Ideologies in 3 Eras Vision I 1950 1960 single standard appropriate innate female behavior women weren t allowed to be seen as pregnant I love Lucy togetherness avoid conflict Vision II mid 60 s early 70 s change Partridge family be yourself communicate Vision III 70 s late 80 s predictable change Cosby show sex became more acceptable equality between men and women What is love 1700s colonial period duty obligation defined themselves through roles not through within themselves self not encouraged as a subject 1800s people defined themselves differently inner self self is discussed romantic love that is told through self disclosure women can reveal self through communication men reveal themselves to women in letters mushy Lust impetus to find a partner and mate that mating energy is testosterone Attraction romantic infatuation rose colored period society norms you need chemical that keeps you together for 4 years serotonin feeling of well Love Helen Fischer anatomy of love 4 year itch love has three different prongs to have a bond before having children being culture gets involved bonding together is vasopression Attachment security feeling comfort spiritual within chemical that keeps you Page 287 Palo Alto group family therapy based on communication family relations individual picnic scene Table 11 6 disconfirming messages impervious failure to acknowledge interrupting irrelevant unrelated tangential impervious cliches incoherent incongruous confirming direct acknowledgment supportive mutual laughter agree about content clarifying expression of positive feeling How relational messages affect us Disconfirming Confirming Dominace I m in charge one up messages interrupts topic changers denials disagreements can be in form Submission I relinquish control can be in form giving up the floor agreeing allowing other to direct conversation related patterns 1 symmetrical acts that are similar competitive symmetry submissive symmetry 2 complementary one act cause opposite relational response Parador paradoxials injunction contradictions Double Bind starts with apparatus relationship is important can t meta communicate Spiral when actions atone partners intensifies progressive regressive Unwanted Repetitive pattern I m the only one that separates the trash you we all help me I don t feel any help 3 Perspectives 1 Direct What I think 2 Meta What I think you think 3 Meta Media What I think you think I think