BECOMING GENDERED THE EARLY YEARS CHAPTER 7 ENTERING A GENDERED SOCIETY We are born into a gendered society that guides our understanding or gender and shapes our personal gendered identities As infants and younger children interact with family members peers and others they engage in two processes central to developing a personal identity Conceiving the self as object Monitoring SELF AS OBJECT We re able to notice describe and evaluate our own activities much as we would those of others The ability to think about reflect on and respond to ourselves We look at ourselves through the eyes of others We can experience self only after experiencing others and their views of us How we come to understand and perform gender depends on our social location culture and era MONITORING We observe and regulate our attitudes and behaviors We use symbols words to define who we are so I am a woman teacher daughter student wife etc We remind ourselves what others have told us we are supposed to think look like and feel what others have told is is appropriate for our age sex and so forth GENDERING COMMUNICATION IN THE FAMILY Families particularly parents and stepparents are a primary influence on gender identity UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION The conscious level of human experience doesn t fully explain human personality including gender identity Insight into unobservable yet very important unconscious dynamics come primarily from psychoanalytic theories which claim that a person s core identity is shaped in the early years of life UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION Psychoanalytic theory originated with Sigmund Freud Anatomy is destiny biology particularly the genitals determines with which parent a child will identify and thus how the child s psyche will develop Children of both sexes focus on the penis from an early age the penis as power Boys identify with their father and they have the power to castrate them Girls recognize they are similar to their mother and they blame their mother for a lack of penis UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION According to more recent thinkers Females do not literally envy the penis What they may envy is what the penis symbolizes the privilege and power that our society bestows on males During the earliest stage of life children of both sexes tend to depend on and identify with the person who takes care of them UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION Around the age of 3 male development and female development diverge dramatically This is the time at which gender constancy is usually secured Girls continue to identify with their mothers UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION Boys need to lessen the early identification with the mother and focus on identifying with a male Most young boys have difficulty finding an adult masculine gender model with whom they can identify For boys who lack a strong personal relationship with an adult male masculine gender can be elusive and difficult to grasp This may help explain why boys typically define their masculinity predominantly in negative terms As not feminine not female not like mother They repress the original identification with mothers and deny feminine tendencies or feelings in themselves UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION As development continues girls are often given positive rewards for being mommy s little helper interacting with their mothers as a role model for femininity Boys are more likely to be rewarded for being independent so they tend to roam away from home to find companions UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES IDENTIFICATION INTERNALIZATION Because most girls develop feminine identity within personal ongoing relationships they continue to seek close relationships and place importance on personal communication with others throughout their lives Because most boys develop masculine identities that require separating form their initial relationship with their mothers and because they tend to interact in activity specific groups with changing members they learn to define themselves relatively independently of others and to maintain some distance between themselves and others EGO BOUNDARIES Ego boundaries are the points at which an individual stops and the rest of the world begins They distinguish the self more or less distinctly from everyone and everything else EGO BOUNDARIES Individuals who develop feminine gender identities which emphasize interrelatedness with others tend to have relatively permeable ego boundaries EGO BOUNDARIES Because girls do not need to differentiate sharply from their mothers in order to develop a feminine gender identity they often do not perceive clear cut or absolute lines between themselves and others This means explain why many women tend to be able to sense the feelings of those close to them and to experience those feelings almost as their own This may also explain why women sometimes become to involved wit others that they neglect their own needs This may also explain the tendency of many women to feel responsible for others and for situations that are not their own doing It s hard to make a clear distinction between your responsibilities and needs and those of others EGO BOUNDARIES Masculine gender identity is premised on differentiating from a female caregiver and defining the self as not like her It makes sense that masculine individuals tend to have relatively firm ego boundaries They generally have a clear sense of where they stop and others begin They don t experience others feelings as their own It explains why later is life many men keep some distance from others PARENTAL COMMUNICATION ABOUT GENDER Parents communication toward sons and daughters often reflect the parents gender stereotypes Although male and female babies were matched for size weight and level of activity parents describe boys with words like strong hardy big active and alert Parents described their equally large active girls a small dainty quiet and delicate PARENTAL COMMUNICATION ABOUT GENDER Parents also convey distinct messages about assertiveness and aggressiveness to sons and daughters Boys and girls learn different ways to express these feelings White middle class parents reward verbal and physical activity including aggression in sons and reward interpersonal and social skills in daughters PARENTAL COMMUNICATION ABOUT GENDER Parents especially fathers encourage in children what they perceive to be gender
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