Self & IdentityRoles are learned: Gender Socialization- All of us carry around a selfo How you see/identify yourself, what you mean/ think of when you say me.- Many parts to what make you - Not much about “self” that is absoluteo Most of it is learned and acquiredo The self is something we create to try and please other people. Ex: Role – Student.  we learn how to be a “student” by others reactionsto our performance. o Learned through process of socializationo Taught growing up to have certain views about ourselves and valueso You learn what is acceptable as you grow up.- Interpersonal communication is a “performance” of certain roles. Patterns of behavior- Self is something you are taught and socialized into- Role of college student is engrained youngSocial roles are GENERALIZED guidelines for how to act and see one’s self.  “scripts” o They are learned.o They influence self-concept.o We have multiple roles.  Role = generalized guideline. - “General” = lots of ways to perform them. Ex: Professor/Student  were not born knowing how to be these roles. Sense of self concept tied to most important role.  Being an adult is figuring out how to lose these socially imposed roles. - Gender has a big effect on how we are raised, how we identify- Gender at birth effects the kind of person you will be later in life- Gender expectationso What is normal depending on your gendero These expectations aren’t known from birth, they are taught These expectations have been in place for decadeso Gender is seen as defining who you are o Society has gender norms and wants babies to follow themo Messages from parents, media, toys all take part in creating these expect actions Roles are learned – Kids Talk About Gender Roles – VIDEO - Most 2-year olds know with certainty if they’re male or female.- By age 5 the gender role stereotypes are internalized  doll experiment (“who likes…”) - Socialization  “other boys and girls will laugh at me if I wear a dress” - Girls and boys’ products differ in color- Oversimplify the world- Expectations add pressureo If you are a girl and want to play video games and like the color blue puts pressure on youo What you are supposed to be like is predeterminedo Communication as you grow up further teaches you these expectations and gender roles- The parts of the brain we use are the parts that get stronger o Ex: not using the creative writing part of the brain = creative writing ability goes away. - Gender neutral rearing is almost psychologically impossible.- In Elementary School they’ve already learned if they don’t meet the expectations of other people they will be excluded. - Caplan notes: o The development of self is socialized in us. o “Masculine” and “feminine” are roles we play  not biologically tied to being a man or a woman. Ex: assertiveness, ability to do STEM, sports ability. - We were socialized to think these are biologically tied.o Our sense of self is tied to how well we play these roles  performances were socialized to play. As we grow up, our “true” self is fragmentedAdapted self vs. Shadow- As you get older what other people think about you matterso You may not want to wear something because you were laughed ato You may not want to do something that feel natural because the teacher yelled at youAs we grow up, our “true” or natural self is fragmented into parts: Adapted Self vs Shadow. - The “true” self – The unsocialized self o Slowly as we get older parts of the “true self” get chipped away and becomes  the Adapted Self. o True self gets fragmented when it’s not desirable. o Splits as a baby into 2 parts One part is designed to please other people Other is parts were not supposed to have (may be repressed to please others)- Don’t identify with this part- Example for boys: fear Alcohol makes it easier to ignore expectations and mask comes off- The Adapted Self – adapted to everyone’s expectations.- Goal to please others this is one of the parts that true self breaks intoo Ex: Boys don’t cry in public… cried in public when children & stopped when socialized.- As we grow up, we start to take parts of our “original self” that are undesirable to other people and try to hide them away. o Ex: Being greedy  hidden away in the shadow. - The Shadow – all the parts of the true self you’ve been socialized to hide from others/yourself.- Behind the mask- Who we really our without the roles?o All the things you’re not supposed to beo Positive & negative (pos ex: dancing / neg ex: greed) - Adulthood: the job of adulthood is to take everything out of the shadow and put them back to figure out the person you really are. o As adults we can choose when to use these qualities - Every baby has all negative and positive qualitieso Some are pushed aside with age- Negative shadowo Qualities we hide and denyo Greed, prejudice, predator, liar, glutton, weak, slob, slacker, addict, ungratefulo All people have these qualities, but most are taught the are wrongo We all have negative qualities, and all can have a good side. These are hidden This quality can come out when: stressed, drunk, high, angry etc.o You can’t see it because its behind youo Shadow gets bigger as you get older (more things you can’t be) Lose innocence o Society needs you to get rid of these qualitiesThe Positive Shadow - Positive qualities that we often hide away in order to “fit in” and adapt.- All qualities are human qualities, but our gender roles say were not allowed to have some: Common for Men: Common for Women:- There good qualities that are socialized out of you- These qualities: teased about, pressured abouto Lost touch with these - Spontaneous - Vulnerable - Relaxed - Aware of feelings- Showing feelings- Forgiving - Nurturing - Insecure - Artistic- Independence- Self-interested- Assertive- Confident- Anger & Aggression - Self-Reliant- Analytical - Rationalityo Then later in life becomes a struggleProjection – We take part of our shadow and put it on someone else, and then we react as if it was them.- We are seen through projectionsProjecting Negative Shadow - Racism, hatred, bullying, annoyance, dislike Bullying Why are people bullies: don’t want to seem weak… picks on weak people. In an effort to not feel their own vulnerability and flaws seek it out in other people 