Page 4Lauren HodsonJulie CookEnglish 1103November 1, 2013Literacy InquiryI don’t remember a time that I lived in the same house with my “dad”. It’s been just me and my mom since I was 3 but, 3 year olds don’t really retain much of what they do. So I guess you could say I’ve been a daughter my whole life but I never actually got to be one. Which makes me wonder, do we fall into a discourse because we were born that way? Or do our actions have to fulfill a discourse before we can claim it as our own? Discourses are a funny thing. We’ve been studying them all year and I’m not sure I even understand them yet. Growing up I always saw these little girls going on dates with their dad or posting pictures with the caption ‘daddy’s girl’. It always made me wonder why that wasn’t me. I mean, Iknew my dad wasn’t around but I had one so, I was still a daughter right? I mean, when information was required about a father I would always put his name down and whatever address we could think of, but we were never sure. Father’s day at church was always a little weird for me too. Actually, it was really weird. I had a father. I knew I did because those papers said I did. I remember sitting in the church pew ready to hear about my God. The preacher would stand up there on stage and tell us a little bit about the significance of father’s day. He would commend all of the fathers for being greatPage 4fathers and talk about what it meant to be a Godly one, a loving one, a faithful one and all that jazz. He would then show us a video. It would always be some nice looking man with his little girl or little boy on his lap. He would be loving them and playing with them and disciplining them when needed because, that’s also what a father does. Then, every time without fail, the tears would come. It was really confusing because my mom, papers and the simple fact that I was alive and breathing explained that I had a father. However, nothing in my life did. I would sitthere and wonder, if I have a dad why isn’t my life like this or why am I not special enough. It was obvious that a father had to work at being a father which would make me believe that he would have to want it in order to be good at his job. So then, what was wrong with me? I would wonder what I did to make my dad not want to do his job. Talk about a confidence booster… not. As I grew up, things got easier but I was still really bitter towards that man I called my father, for some reason. I remember my mom would always give me a big hug and tell me “Lauren, you’re father doesn’t have the mental capacity to be the father that he should be. Expecting him to act this way that you want him to, is like expecting a 1 year old to tell you whatthey want, they can’t, just like he can’t. It has nothing to do with you or how special you are”. My mom was really good at being a mom. That was another reason I would get so mad at that man I called my father. I would think, if she can make the decision to be an amazing mother then you can make the decision to be at least a mediocre father. My mom had to be both my whole entire life, and she was really good at it. That’s another thing. My mom didn’t give birth to me and think “I can’t wait to be a father and a mother, I really want to do that with my life”. The whole discourse of being a father was just thrust upon her without really any choice of herPage 4own. And sometimes, a discourse has a definition. For example I’m pretty sure a father is supposed to be a man but I’m also fairly certain that my mother is a woman so, how does that work? Sometimes you have to take what life hands you and my mom just happened to have to take on a man’s role as well. However, psychological research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests that fathers' affection and increased family involvement help promote children's social and emotional development (The Changing Role). She was really good at being a mother and she would try to be my father too. Sometimes it would work but sometimes it was just really funny. Not every discourse is meant for everybody and obviously mothers aren’t supposed to have to act like fathers too or we wouldn’t have started the whole mother and father deal all those years ago. I remember one time I brought a boyfriend of mine over to the house and she tried to give him ‘the talk’. You know, the whole spill about having me back on time and treating me right. She tried to be really intimidating and firm but it just didn’t work. All 3 of us ended up laughing about it. My mom was illiterate in that area. She didn’t know the things to say and the way to act like a father because she wasn’t one and wasn’t supposed to be on either. Basically, I’m not a parent but I know from my experiences of being a fatherless child that parenting is one of the most important discourses in life. And more and more people are getting divorces. In 2009 over 100,000 people got a divorce and that number has risen by now (The 2012 Statistical Abstract). On another note, I’m pretty sure a man has to be a father before a little girl can be a daughter. Therefore, I am illiterate in a lot of areas of my life because I don’t have a father to teach me certain things. I don’t have a father to teach me how men should act so because of that I have never been good at picking out the right guys to date for me. ForPage 4example, the role of father is to teach his daughter how to be in a nonsexual, intimate relationship with a man (Capretto). Another example is that, girls who have not been assured of their value often find it difficult to relate to men in healthy ways (Insight News). There’s just a lot of areas that I am illiterate in due to the fact that my father didn’t claim his discourse of being a father.Page 4Bibliography"The 2012 Statistical Abstract." Marriages and Divorces. United States , n.d. Web. 1 Nov. 2013. <http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/cats/births_deaths_marriages_divorces/marriages_and_divorces.html>."The Changing Role of the Modern Day Father." http://www.apa.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Nov. 2013. <http://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/changing-father.aspx>.Capretto, Lisa. "'Daddyless Daughters': How Growing Up Without A Father Affects A Woman's Standards And Choices (VIDEO)." <i>The Huffington Post</i>. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 13 July 2013. Web.1 Nov. 2013.