1Lauren HodsonJulie CookEnglish 1103November 1, 2013Who’s Your Daddy?My mom was really good at being a mother and she would try to be my father too. Sometimes it would work but sometimes it was just really comical. Having said this, not every discourse is meant for everybody and obviously mothers aren’t supposed to have to act like fathers too or we wouldn’t have started the whole mother and father deal all those years ago. I remember one time I brought a boyfriend of mine over to the house and she tried to give him ‘the talk’. You know, the whole spill about having me back on time and treating me right. She tried to be really intimidating and firm but it just didn’t work. All 3 of us ended up laughing about it. My mom was illiterate in that area. She didn’t know the things to say and the way to act like a father because she wasn’t one and wasn’t supposed to be on either. I don’t remember a time that I lived in the same house with my “dad”. It’s been just me and my mom since I was three but, three year olds don’t really retain much of what they do. So I guess you could say I’ve been a daughter my whole life but I never actually got to be one. Which makes me wonder, are we the people we are because we were born that way? Or do our actions have to fulfill a discourse before we can claim it as our own? I’ve been realizing that a father plays a very important role in a little girls’ life. Without a father, growing up is really hard2and certain life choices that become second nature to girls with fathers, are very difficult for those without fathers. Growing up I always saw these little girls going on dates with their dad or posting pictures with the caption ‘daddy’s girl’. It always made me wonder why that wasn’t me. I mean, Iknew my dad wasn’t around but I had one so, I was still a daughter right? I mean, when information was required about a father I would always put his name down and whatever address we could think of, but we were never sure. I remember, some of my friends would tell me that they wanted to meet somebody just like their dad because “he was the best man they had ever met and he was perfect”. I didn’t know what I wanted my husband to be like, I had no father to point to and say “that’s a good man”. The only role model I had in my life was my mom, and there was no way she could be an example of a good man, for obvious reasons. What kind of problem does this create? I remember the third boyfriend I had. I was in ninth grade and we were at the movie theatre. We had just gotten out of a movie and were on our way out of the theatre. I don’t remember the exact conversation but I had made him mad enough to make him put his hands on my shoulders. He pushed me up against the wall and in a really infuriated tone he said “don’t talk to me like that”. I was really scared but I had no idea that something like that was so unacceptable. I mean, when I was much younger, before my dadleft, he would do that to my mom. He would yell at her and talk to her in really hostile tones. I guess part of me just assumed that it was normal. I also think that I thought even if it wasn’t ‘right’, it was just how things were and I needed to accept it.3As I grew up, things went smoother but I was still really bitter towards that man I called my father, for some reason. I remember my mom would always give me a big hug and tell me “Lauren, you’re father doesn’t have the mental capacity to be the father that he should be. Expecting him to act this way that you want him to, is like expecting a 1 year old to tell you whatthey want, they can’t, just like he can’t. It has nothing to do with you or how special you are”. My mom was an exceptional mother. That was another reason I would get so irritated with that man I called my father. Didn’t he know I needed him? I would think, if she can make the decisionto be an amazing mother then you can make the decision to be at least a mediocre father. My mom had to be both my whole entire life, and she was especially good at it, considering the circumstances. That’s another thing. My mom didn’t give birth to me and think “I can’t wait to be a father and a mother, I really want to do that with my life”. The whole discourse of being a father was just thrust upon her without really any choice of her own. And sometimes, a discourse has a definition. For example I’m pretty sure a father is supposed to be a man but I’m also fairly certain that my mother is a woman so, how does that work? Sometimes you have to take what life hands you and my mom just happened to have to take on a man’s role as well. My mom did a really good job of this and I have always grown up thinking I was still okay even thought I didn’t have a dad. However, psychological research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests that fathers' affection and increased family involvement help promote children's social and emotional development (The Changing Role). Which makes sense, because I can still picture the face of that stupid counselor I had to go to when I was younger. I would sit in this tiny little room and she would watch me play with4toys. She would ask me how I felt about the situation and why I was so angry. I never knew whatto say because I was a child. I was angry and I had no idea why. How was I supposed to know why my father left? So what if I blamed it on my mom? Or me? At the time I was very confused because I was so angry that I didn’t have a dad but part of me felt okay without one. It was the world that was telling me I needed a father, not my own longing for one. Looking back on it now, it’s obvious that my mom loved me a lot and she wanted to make sure that I wasn’t holding on anything in I guess. I realize now why I was so angry. Because, little girls need a father to teach them how to do things that mothers can’t. My mom didn’t pick the most outstanding guy so how the hell is she supposed to teach me how to? That sounds mean, but it’s the truth. Furthermore, she can’t be an example of a good man because she isn’t a man. She was an outstanding mother and she just …