PSY 274 1st Edition Lecture 22Outline of Last Lecture I. Self fulfilling prophecyII. Empathy III. Close RelationshipsIV. Interdependence V. Self-disclosureVI. StylesVII. Cognitive maintenance mechanismsVIII. Cognitive interdependenceIX. Positive IllusionsX. Behavioral maintenance mechanismsXI. Types of LoveCurrent Lecture I. Attachment StyleII. Cradle to the GraveIII. Styles in AdulthoodIV. Cognitive maintenance mechanismsV. Cognitive interdependenceVI. Positive Illusions VII. Behavioral maintenance mechanismsVIII. Willingness to sacrificeIX. ForgivenessCurrent Lecture: Attachment style: People’s ideas about what love and intimacy involveThese things are not predetermined and they don’t have to maintain these styles their entire life.These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.- Infanto Strange Situation Experiment  Caregiver and child alone in room- Child explores the room without parental participation Stranger enters the room  Stranger talks to caregiver Stranger approaches child Caregiver quietly leaves the room Caregiver returns and comforts childCradle to the Grave- The emotional bond that develops between adult romantic partners is partly a function of the same motivational system that gives rise to the emotional bond between infants and their caregivers.  both feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive both engage in close, intimate, bodily contact (99% of cases) both feel insecure when the other is inaccessible both share discoveries with one another both play with one another's facial features and exhibit a mutual fascination and preoccupation with one another both engage in "baby talk”o Styles in Adulthood (how it was measured in the beginning) I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, others want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. (AVOIDANT) I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don't worry about being abandoned orabout someone getting too close to me. (SECURE) I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I wouldlike. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love meor won't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.(ANXIOUS)in adulthood : you can be high or low in bothFearful avoidant for ex. The more security between the partners the more likely we are to stay together. Jealousy:1. Reactive : actual threat present; something might happen so I should showthem I care more2. suspiscious : (preoccupieds feel this)The AVOIDANT people feel the least jealousy. They may ignore them and thepartner feel like they don’t care. Maintaining relationships: why do we stay together? (attachment is not why we stay together)Investment Model:Commitment: > good relationshipsAffective component- emotionMotivational component- want it to workCognitive component – in future they will be part of my lifeSAT – satisfactionDeterminants: (need both)1. What outcomes are you receiving in the relationship? Good or bad2. What you expect to get?INV- investmentHow much you put in the relationship?Maybe you live together? Share tings? Have kids together?= morelikely to try to stay together ALT- alternativesWhat is your next best option if you weren’t in your current relationship? What else would you be doing?- Cognitive maintenance mechanismso Cognitive interdependence: Thinking of oneself as a part of their partner Greater self-other overlap Greater plural pronoun usageo Positive Illusions: Perceiving one’s relationship in the best possible light Partners faults are trivial Relationship deficiencies are unimportant Partners misbehavior is a temporary aberration- Behavioral maintenance mechanismso Willingness to sacrifice: Tendency to forego immediate self-interests to promote the well-being of the partner and the relationship  Passive: foregoing behaviors that would otherwise be pleasurable Active: enacting behaviors that would otherwise not be pleasurable Minor and transitory vs. Major and long-lastingo Forgiveness Betrayal causes indignation and hostile behavioral tendencies. Forgiveness is the process of overriding those tendencies- Complete forgiveness: resumption of pre-betrayal patterns of interaction Less cognitively taxing to forgive than to carry a grudge= better outcomes for self after forgiveness usually.- Doormat effect Love Types of Love:- Non-love (absence of all 3)- Liking (intimacy only)- Infatuated love (passion only)- Empty love (commitment only)- Romantic love (intimacy + passion)- Companionate love (intimacy + commitment)- Fatuous love (passion + commitment)- Consummate love (all 3) Does love last?- Passionate love typically decreases after people marry (Sprecher & Regan, 1998)o Two years after marriage, average spouses express affection half as often as they did when they were newlyweds (Huston &Chorost, 1994)o Why? Fantasy declines- Fantasy enhances passion- Passion leads to idealization and ignoring of information - Fantasy erodes with time and experience Novelty declines- Novelty fuels romantic love- The Coolidge Effect Arousal declines- Obsessive preoccupation fades, even when desire and caring remain (Acevedo & Aron, 2009)BUT, commitment and intimacy increase over time, so yes, love