CFS 425 1st Edition Lecture 3Outline of Current Lecture 1. What is this Love? “ Love and Emotion Part 2Current Lecture- Attachment- Love and relationships- Falling in Love/ Being in love These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.The capacity to love originates in childhoodAttachment theory- closeness is a survival need Attachment styles- an infants leaned orientation towards relationship with others We either yearn for it or because of pain we run from it in adult relationships Three broad types of attachment styles 1. Secure- trusting and relaxed/ calm being okay with ot without you 2. Anxious –nervous and clingy (constantly asking if you love me or say I don’t want you to leave me) 3. Avoidant- suspicious and withdrawal Style (continued)1. Secure -Parents acted consistently warm and responsive-Easily expressed affection towards parent and no worries of abandonment 2.Anixious Parents acted inconsistently. Sometimes ignoring children and some times intruding on activities.3. Avoidant Parents may be dismissive of attachments or feelings Refusing attention disregarding parents Two themes with the Attachment theory 1. Anxiety/Fear over abandonment –worry that others will find us unworthy and leave us2. Avoidance/Fear of intimacy –lack of comfort and trust with which we accept intimacy with others.Goals for people to work on:- Working on keeping love alive. - Don’t take problems you have into a relationship - Be affectionate, verbal Life cycle of a relationship - Attraction- what we see? How the person looks- Building- working towards the person- Communication/self disclosure- Either the relationship continues or it declines and ends Perception of our partners-Idealizing our Partners-We often judge our lovers with positive illusions that portray them in the best possible light. Emphasizing more on the partner’s positive qualities rather thanshowing their faults.Four Horsemen;1. Criticism- attacking your partners. Blaming them instead2. Contempt- Insult/ name calling/ hostility/ not showing any support or feeling toward the partner. 3. Defensiveness Caused by criticism and contempt. Denying, disagreeing and excuses4. Stonewalling- Withdrawal, shutting down, disgust. All four of these lead to conflict, unfortunate communication, and