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Show Your Real Face

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Schramm 1Kristen SchrammDISC 1313, MWF 9-9:50Professor ArberyApril 7, 2014Show Your Real FaceThe idea of modern day love had been affected by many aspects of our ever-changing society. A major aspect of society is reflected on accurately by T.S. Eliot in his poem, from Prufrock and Other Observations, titled “The Love Story of Alfred Prufrock” when he describes members of modern day society as “preparing a face to meet the faces that we meet”(Eliot 2). At first glance this idea may not seem to relate as much to love as it would to other institutions, but there are numerous implications that present themselves when this idea of “preparing a face”(Eliot 2) is widely accessed in society today. For example, G.K Chesterson describes this phenomenon to be “a terror of one’s self”(Vows1) in his “Defense of Rash Vows”, and says that it is “the real basis of the objection to vows of any kind”(Vows 1). The idea of objecting vows means that instead of being devoted to a romantic partner, society has caused a belief that it is better to keep their options open. This in turn would never allow someone to show their true self to their romantic partner if they are never fully investing themselves in the relationship. Chesterson argues, in his work called “Family”, against the idea of changing ourselves from a different light in saying that “a great part” of our lives “should be settled for us without our permission”(Family 5). This can be interpreted to mean that when one tries and change their outward appearance it also inhibits one’s ability to be able to fully show themselves to another, or in Chesterson’s words—“it [your life] may be written by someone else”(Family 5). AnotherSchramm 2implication stemming from putting on a face for other would be the fear of having a true relationship at all. In “De Profundis”, a letter written by Oscar Wilde to his lover, it shows in a dramatic light the negative effect that one person in a relationship can have on the other when they example this idea of conforming to society, but this time having to do with personal gain. Bosie, Wilde’s lover, sees an opportunity in forming a relationship with Wilde and ultimately ends up “preparing a face”(Eliot 1) for the whole duration of the relationship. This resulted in Wilde feeling as though he had put foreward his whole self, but had never really seen the real face of Bosie. Popular culture over recent history has also exposed the phenomenon of putting ona face in artistic form, or songs. A good example of this kind of exposure is in the song “Vogue” by Madonna. The song outlines the superficiality of today when saying “Strike a pose…look around everywhere you turn is heartache”(Vogue 1). She is trying to say that when people feel that that are forced to “strike a pose”(Vogue 1), or put on a face, it causes them “heartache”(Vogue 1). This overall idea of society making its population feel like they have to present themselves as others want to see them has been a theme in popular literature for the last 200 years at least, and has had a huge part in forming what is now considered the modern way ofloving.“De Profundis” was an extremely popular letter, that was later published, written by Oscar Wilde to his lover Lord Alfred Douglas, known as Bosie, while Wilde was in jail by fault of Bosie. Wilde had been a dramatic man his whole life of being a play wright, so he was no stranger to meeting the expectations of society, and had conformed to it his entire life with no problem, but in “De Profundis” he writes to show his real face not only to his former lover but tosociety as well; he hoped that this letter would later become a publication, and wrote it as so. Another aspect of his writing of “De Profundis” relating to putting on a face is how hurt Wilde isSchramm 3by the fact that he felt that he had shown his true to self to his lover Bosie, but Bosie was just using Wilde for his status and personal gain. This idea presented by Wilde enters into a slightly different type of implication relating to effects on modern love. The earlier discussion covered more of the internal affects that conforming to the ideals of society can have on an individual, but this new twist on the same idea represents the implications that conforming can have on another; most likely a romantic partner. For example, Wilde accuses Bosie of being “the true author”(Wilde 35) of the “pathetic play”(Wilde 35) that has become Wilde’s life. When Wilde makes this reference he is making a similar remark to Chesterson in “Family”. The two convergein Chesterson’s idea of one’s life cannot be “written by someone else”(Family 5), and Wilde was letting Bosie do exactly this when he let himself go to prison without bringing Bosie down with him. Wilde supplements this idea of writing your own story, or having our lives “settled for us without our permission”(Family 5) when he says “Everyone is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.”(Wilde 41). Although these ideas seem conflicting, a mutual understanding can be found between the two in the following way: while one should not let another control how their life will turn out, they should also take life as it comes and also try not to take complete control of their own life. By letting either situation take place these authors are saying that life will not be what it was ultimately meant to be; especially in the sense of love.In order to talk about one area of the changed that society has made to the idea of modernlove it must also relate with other areas, for they are all connected. The poem “The Love Song of Alfred Prufrock” written by T.S. Eliot gives an interesting outlook on the main subject of putting on a face that is defined by society, as well as throws in some other applications of modern love in a cleverly worded poem. For the sake of remaining true to the subject at hand these additionalSchramm 4applications can be used for the correlation of their implications to the idea of modern love. The poem describes a man, Prufrock, who does not hold to any kind of “vows”(Vows 1) as also highlighted by Chesterton. The man is described of having “restless nights in one-night cheap hotels”(Eliot 1)”In the room the woman come and go” making it obvious that Prufrock is not a man of commitment; this idea of lack of


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