Language- raw materials we use to create talk cards to share ideas and ultimately build civilivation, a system of symbols, used to map realityExample: Use of the word “Crusade to describe our response to terrorism.Ethnic Proof Game- how do you “prove” you belong to an ethnic group of some kind?Pragmatics- Job the Talk Cards are meant to accomplishPersonal Distance: liking- be friendlyFriendliness: Physical display of face, appearance, dress, smell, postureFormality: Pace, sentence length/complexity, volume, word choice, grammer, accentPower: Posture, volume, interruptions, topic changes, questionsKey Listening Skills:Attention: show interestInvolvement: verbal demonstrationReframing: reflect a word or two backFollow-up: statement or question on the topicKey Listening Challenges:Neglect and apathyOverconfidenceApprehensionDefensivenessInterruptingSemantics- creating meaningSyntax- creating structure to inform meaningPragmatics- creating message impactLanguage shapes our talk cards- topics and styles selectedCards we select to play are identity drivenEach person, from birth on, strives to meet three basic interpersonal needs that are not negotiableInclusion- desire to be accepted and respectedControl- desire to impact the environment to satisfy needsAffection- desire to receive intimacy and civility from othersSubjective Collection- beliefs about yourself built up over your lifeGoal- To differentiate yourself from others, satisfy interpersonal needsIdentity- determines cards we play and createDefinition- the evaluation of self in comparison to one’s ideal selfGap is BIG- low self esteem“I” and “Me” distinction- How do I see myself vs. how does the group see meProve Group Identity- play the right cards the right way to show respect for the groupHigh Self Monitors- use different cards for different situations, have specific friends for specific situationsLow Self Monitors- Less concerned what others think, identity is consistent, play fewer cardsInfants- through self recognition and possession, the “I” develops firstChildren- role taking. Think about how others want you to actTeens- Overdeveloped sense of meAdults- start to balance identityPositive Self Esteem- more perceptive and confident in topics and styles, express topics about personal attitudes more readily, make more friends and better lovers, take more risks, more self-disclosure topics in card playIdentity- inclusion, control, affection needsBalance- “I” and “Me”Key- Focus on Relational GoalsRelationship- Social bond of intimacy, created through exchange of messagesInformation in talk cards- Cultural (ethnicity, age, gender), Social (Group Membership), Interpersonal (Unique, personal qualities, desires, attitudes)Relational Messages in Topics- Personal, Respecting interests, Direct BehaviorRelational Messages in Styles- Liking Messages, Formality/informality, Power and StatusModel of Development (Coming Together)- Initiating (beginning contact), Experimenting (Joint Activity, personal topics), Intensifying (Stating affection, intimacy styles), Integrating (joining lives, using “we” references, Bonding (stating commitment)Model of Development (Coming Apart)- Differentiating (focusing on differences), Circumscribing (separate activities), Stagnating (closing down contact), Terminating (closing down relationship)Escalate Relationships- Verbal Listening Cues, Validating Perceptions, Providing Social Support, Self-disclosureDe-Escalate Relationships- Interrupting, High Power StylesDialectical Tensions- Relationships are push-pull process of contrasting forces (Openness and closedness), Novelty and predictability, autonomy andNonverbal Infomration (Uses)- Primary source to infer emotions, people focus on non-verbals to infer more negative feelings, overestimate similarityNonverbal Message Channels- Proxemics (social space), Physical appearance, Gaze-regulator (eye-contact), Facial Expressions, Vocalics, kinesics, ConsistencyComputer Mediated COMM- Hyper-personal, More direct, Increased ConfidenceDeveloping Relationships- Self-Awareness (Non-verbal habits), Self-Disclosure (Appropriate Topics, Disclose in small doses)Socialization-Acquisition of the skills knowledge, values, motives and rules.Appropriate to individuals position in a group or society.Allows person to fit in.Need to Inclusion Dominates.Socialization promotes conformityEmphasis is on communication competence. Understand the climate then and play the best cards to fit inAutonomy- How much individual freedom and flexibility do I have?Example: Will anyone get upset if i…Structure- Who is in charge and how do decisions get made?Everyone looks to Jill for….Rewards- What behaviors are supported and rejected?Working long hours and getting ltos of clients is very important here…Support- how emotionally supportive is the climate?If you get in trouble, people will help you out and calm you down…Categorization behaviors- Can you tell what cars the other is playing? Can you label the cards as good or bad?Role Behaviors- Can you select the right cards, topics and styles for your role in that climate?The Socialization Process-Step 1: AnticipationWe receive information from many sources about new climateWe evaluate credibility of the source and quality of informationWe learn what cards are needed, what games are played, how to play themStep 2: The EncounterWe develop interpretive schema and search for climate information.We try to unfreeze our attitudes and behaviors to adjust. Flexibility in interpretations and responses is keyLearn expectations of significant othersPlay our cards and see how they workStep 3: Role NegotiationWe reconcile our goals with others expectationsAdjust to climate by learing to deal with autonomy, structure, reward system, support levelsSelect more controversial topics and stylesLearn to manage conflictsOutcomes of Socialization1. Satisfaction- how much we like new climate2. Identification- how much we identify with new climate3. Integration- how integrated we are into friendship and work networks.Agents of SocializationFamily- teach us to label ourselves, othersSchool- follow rules, get alongMass Media- teaches us stereotypes and expectations of successJobs- Teach us how to perform organizational roles and to play talk cards wellSocialization StratagiesGather information- identify sourcesBe flexible and openMotive to Connect: Develop CultureIndividualists value personal goalsCollectivists value group goalsHigh